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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

What's the most irritating piece of unsolicited parenting advice you've ever endured?

156 replies

HumphreyComfreyCushion · 28/10/2006 15:20

One of mine was:
being told by a woman serving in a mobile fish and chip van that I was damaging my children's career prospects by home educating them.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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CornflakeKid · 30/10/2006 08:41

and my FIL cuts out articles out of newspapers about childcare/pregnancy issues and posts them to me - highlighting bits he thinks I need to improve on or stop doing!! Thank goodness for black box recycling!

Original poster

HumphreyComfreyCushion · 30/10/2006 08:57

Cornflakekid!

OP posts:

scarysuejonez · 30/10/2006 09:23

CornflakeKid - I presume you respond by cuTing out self help articles on "How not to be an irritating git" and send them to him?

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ginmummy · 30/10/2006 09:28

In laws saying that ds should be doing X by now and that when ds's dad was that age he could write his name with a pencil all on his own (ds was almost 2 at the time!)

I hate them comparing ds to his dad and uncle and I hate them doing certain things that they did with their boys, like putting hot chocolate in a bottle for bedtime after ds has brushed his teeth! What part of 'tooth decay' do they not understand ffs?!

I have big issues with unsolicited parenting advice from my ex in laws

CornflakeKid · 30/10/2006 09:33

When we were down at the weekend he had downloaded an article (2 pages long - meant to be funny) from the internet/email about when they were parents and things they did and how we all worked out fine etc etc - you kow the kind - bottle feeding/rusks/ nurseries in hospitals etc - he left it on the table in front of us - when dh said that the kids or us didn't like oxtail soup - he thrust it towards us and said he should read it - dh blankly refused to even look at it - was so proud of him - also spared me having to read it! Nearly jumped over table and kissed him! and FIL/MIL faces were a picture - they were obviously so pleased with themselves about this print off and annoyed we didn't read it - I felt so smug!

What maddens me is that he has the time and inclination to look for articles, cut them out, find a highlighter, mark the things off he thinks I need to know, finds an envelope, stamp and then actualy goes and posts it!

Original poster

HumphreyComfreyCushion · 30/10/2006 09:50

I think you must have the patience of a saint, cornflakekid!

OP posts:

Skribble · 30/10/2006 09:51

Cornflake def cut out the next article you see about grumpy old men or overbearing in-laws and send that to him. In fact why not print off this thread and send it .

PigeonPie · 30/10/2006 09:57

The HV told me that 'all babies should sleep through the night from 6 months' (DS was 9 mo at the time and certainly not sleeping through!) and that 'I mustn't feed him between the hours of 12 and 6am because I would damage his gut'. Needless to say I haven't been since

dimcat · 30/10/2006 10:44

not advice as such but representative of the MIL : 'its amazing how you still find time for your afternoon nap when you are at work!'

-I'm 38wks with my 3rd & finished work last week,she just assumed all PG women had a pm nap as thats what they did in her day.

has anyone out there in the RL actually managed anything resembling rest or naps after their 1st?

moondog · 30/10/2006 11:54

Pigeon,that drivel about damaging the gut is an outrage.
How are these idiots still in gainful emplyoment???

GooseyLoosey · 30/10/2006 11:59

My father telling me that my 3 year old ds makes too much noise and that there must be something wrong with him - either I am a bad mother and do not control him properly or he has adhd. He says this in front of ds and follows it up in the next breath by saying how lovely dd is. Ds now hates him!

twelveyeargap · 30/10/2006 12:24

Hello. When my DD started school and was eager to start 'learning stuff', the teacher called me in to ask if "as a single partent, was I able to provide" her with any construction toys like bricks as it was 'unhelthy' that she wanted to read all the time and it was 'too early' for her to be writing and drawing with a pencil. WTF?

Then on next meeting asked if she had any friends outside school (loads) as "single parents often find it so hard to find time to commnicate with their children."

Same teacher called round to my house to remind me the milk money had to be in the next day. Am CONVINCED she came round to see what sort of squalor we lived in. (Nice three bed house actually...)

I was so tempted to complain to the head teacher but ended up deciding to grin and bear it as I didn't want her picking on DD. Found out from another parent that said teacher gave up work to mind younger children and frowned on both working parents and single parents. FFS.

ilovecaboose · 30/10/2006 12:26

twelveyearagegap - I would have been furious at that .

babe1 · 30/10/2006 12:57

My MIL was in a league of her own. When I had my first, I was breastfeeding, and , this was still in the hospital, she got her Sister to phone the midwives on my ward (the sister is a former midwife) to tell them that my baby should be given glucose as she wasn't getting anything from me. Resonse - derr, it takes three days for the milk to come in. I knew that as a first time Mum, you'd think a woman who'd had two babies, and a former midwife would too. Another classic. My hospital had a policy of not measuring the babies' length at birth. According to MIL 'it's all a cover up, the baby's a dwarf.' She also called my DD 'it' for the first few weeks. During the first few months, she would stand behind the baby and clap to 'make sure she can hear' and wave objects in front of her face to 'make sure she can see'. Barking. I tell you, it's a good job I can laugh about it all now.

twelveyeargap · 30/10/2006 13:24

I suspect the hospital staff were as unimpressed as you!

HauntedsandCastle · 30/10/2006 13:29

I was told that I was going to turn my daughter into a geek because I refused to go out drinking/dancing with a friend 3/4 times a week, coming home slaughtered and having to spend the next day in bed!

Apparently I wasn't a good role model, but I guess I just didn;t want to be THAT type of a role model!

wannaBe1974 · 30/10/2006 13:51

I was fairly lucky then as generally my parents/ILs were quite open to the fact that things have changed since their day ... however, I do remember my Mil saying to me when ds was approx 6 wks old "he ought to be sleeping through the night soon". Admittedly it only took another three weeks but still ...

My mum was telling me once that my gran said to her that you shouldn't show a baby a mirror as it makes them bad-tempered! wtf?

HauntedsandCastle · 30/10/2006 14:04

Not long after we emigrated here, dd's manner were totally non exsistant! With dd's routine up the spout, she was refusing to eat her dinner. She was exhausted, not sleeping properly, not napping. She had less than 7 hours a night (and she realy needed much more than that)

One night she just had a major melt down, screaming shouting etc (didn't help with the audience either, as we were living with IL's a the time). MIL said if she were mine she would have had a smack on the bum and sent to bed!

Couldn't say anything as I would have just lost it!

WeaselMum · 30/10/2006 15:29

I've ranted about this before but I called NHS Direct when ds was 2 days old because he hadn't had a wet nappy since we'd got home from the hospital (8 hours earlier). The choicest comments from the "nurse advisor" were:

"ooh you're not very good with babies are you?"

"that baby is not getting ANYTHING from you, I don't suppose you have a bottle, have you?"

No advice to see a mw or bf counsellor, just fill him full of cool boiled water and that would sort him out if he was dehydrated!

ditzymum · 30/10/2006 15:36

At 18 when I had just had a mc, my doctor said to me "you had a lucky escape there my girl!"

I can remember my MIL jigging ds1 up and down while he was crying saying "he's not hungry you just fed him an hour ago". She carried on for half an hour while he screamed and I sat there fighting back the tears. Finally she said "Oh go back to your mummy then" and flung him back at me. At which point I started bf and he stopped crying. I can't believe I was such a wimp back then!

Other gems from MIL include:

"if you put enough sugar on it they'll eat anything!"
"If you look into the pram/cot from above their heads they'll be cross eyed"

DetentionGrrrl · 30/10/2006 15:56

And my FIL asking repeatedly why i didn't give my son a dummy. To his reasoning, 'babies have dummies' I pointed out he was happy, and if i could get away without giving him a dummy, i would. He kept asking when he'd have one, why didn't he have one, and looking at me like a martian, as though i was somehow being cruel to my baby. He finally dropped it in the end.

Original poster

HumphreyComfreyCushion · 30/10/2006 17:45

OP posts:

kitbit · 30/10/2006 19:13

The comments I really hate are:

"Does he sleep through?" to which I always put on a slightly simple, glazed expression and say "ohh yeeeees" because it's clearly more important to them than it is to me!

Also "is he good?" wtf??!

ProfYaffle · 30/10/2006 19:22

MIL saying 'the first year is the worst'. Not controversial in itself but when you have a screaming 8 week old in your arms it's not the cheeriest thing to hear.

DizzyBint · 30/10/2006 19:28

oh yes the 'is she good?' question!!

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