Complaining neighbours

[rubypearl]

I'm really cross - I have just had a call from social services following up a complaint made against me to the NSPPC.

It seems it was my neighbours who have complained about me shouting at my children. They reported shouting at a 13 yr old and 4 yr old.
I have 2 yr old and a 10 yr old. They said that I was not aggressive nor did they see signs off mistreatment - just that I shouted at my eldest.
3 of the dates they gave my daughter was away with my parents, and on in e occasion the neighbours were 'unhappy to hear that I had asked my daughter to take some things out of her bag'.
I am so angry! Social services have said that it sounds malicious and are NOT looking to follow it up.
I feel like I have been slapped and am so humiliated to even think about bumping into them.
I do occasionally shout - do doesn't? But I do also live in a large 3 story town house, so sometimes shouting is inevitable.
I feel that I am now a prisoner in my home with my neighbours, who do not have children, sat next door judging my every sound!
The fact that my daughter is thriving at school and that a date was obviously completely made up makes me really cross with my neighbours.
Sorry to rant but not sure what to do - apart from carry on and hold my head up high (whilst giving them the occasional glare)!!!

[GotToBeInItToWinIt]

I see this more and more recently, someone comes on to vent as they are upset, and to look for support and people pick holes in the OP and question minor irrelevant details. Usually with the line 'something to doesn't quite add up here'. Great way to make someone feel shit about themselves.
We live in a Victorian terrace and can hear word for word everything the neighbours one side say in their house and garden. Can't hear a word from the other side bizarrely.
Sounds like an unpleasant shock OP, I'm glad SS have realised it was malicious. I wouldn't change how I lived my life for them. It's on file that it appears to be a malicious report and you know that you aren't abusing your children by not letting them wear lipstick at 10 years old!

[claraschu]

OP, please don't let your horrible neighbours affect you in any way. They clearly are petty and miserable, but this has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Our neighbours have been unpleasant to us, but I now know that they fought with our predecessors and with the lovely elderly couple on their other side. It shows what nasty people they are, but I wish I could just not let them bother me; instead, I always cringe when I see them, don't know whether to say "Hi", and so on. It makes life a bit uncomfortable for me, as I am always aware of them. I just want to say that you can do better than I have and not let your neighbours ruin your fun in the garden at all!

[Lullaby15]

shouting is the only way to get things across at times I think - who the heck hasn't shouted at their kids?! I'd like to know their million dollar answer to life if they haven't!
However, I think it's they type of shouting that should be of concern - my neighbour has an 18 month old and she is forever screaming at the poor thing to "shut up". I think (as in the above post, which has divided opinion) this kind of shouting is def worrying.
I'd just ignore your neighbour if I was you. If social services/police have stuck their noses in just to follow up a complaint they'll know whether there are REALLY concerns or whether your neighbour is just being petty or malicious.

[rubypearl]

Here we go again - today another call from SS with the same neighbour saying the same things.

So SS will be speaking to my daughters school - who just had about the best report at parents evening - and the HV.

I have spoken to the HV who has again reassured me.

SS have said that they have to investigate any call - am thinking of inviting SS round for a chat to get these allegations out to bed once and for all. Interview my kids, see my house, talk to me. Anyone else have any ideas on how to progress??

I 100% am not abusive! I have shouted at my 10 yr old but not in her face, not putting her down, but basically to get her to hurry in the mornings etc. normal every day life parenting. Arrgghhhh feel so judged and feel very scared that this is happening. I have spoken to my 10 yr old about it and she has been in floods of tears worrying that she will be taken away! Oh and she wants to shout at my neighbours and put them right! That would go down a treat I am sure!!

[CultureSucksDownWords]

Sorry you're having to deal with these odd neighbours. I'm amazed that SS are actually following this up after the previous report which they acknowledged was malicious.

Just be open and calm with SS, and try not worry.

I'm not sure that I would have spoken to your 10yr old about this, as it shouldn't be something that she has to worry about. Of course SS are not going to take her away. Could you speak to her tomorrow and reassure her that SS will simply be checking that the neighbours are being malicious (again) and that it isn't anything to worry about. Then I might speak to a solicitor about how best to deal with this harassment from your neighbours.

[rubypearl]

Thank you - unfortunately SS have to look into all reports : (

I told my daughter as I would like her to stop shouting! And also incase the school said anything to her. I want to be honest with her and have everything out in the open and invite SS to speak to her as I have nothing to hide. I think maybe I will then ask SS how to deal with this ongoing as I'm certain this won't be the end of it.
I just want to stop it escalating and I don't want my neighbours to hold this ridiculous intimidation over us.

The neighbour actually has the check to smile and say hello to my kids which my daughter says she finds creepy as he is very odd!

[CultureSucksDownWords]

It can't escalate as there is no truth to their spurious reports, however they can keep making these calls. I think that if they continue to make malicious reports that you might have to investigate how to stop them harassing you. Perhaps speak to your local police on their non-emergency number and ask about how to go about dealing with this harassment.

I don't think you should engage directly with this neighbour at all, and encourage your DD to be civil but not to respond or engage if he tries to talk to her.

[sanfairyanne]

ok i would see this as beginning to become harassment. start to log it, speak to the community police about it.
apart from that, relax, this is just an annoyance, there is no need to feel guilty or anxious, just keep living your life. easy to say, i know, but try as hard as you can.

[rubypearl]

By escalating I mean I don't want to have to deal with them calling SS again and again, SS calling me, calling round the HV and the school.
It is embarrassing and throws an emotional bomb into our lives.

You're right I won't be engaging with them and I have told my daughter to just ignore them.

I think I will ask for SS to come
Round and assess us formally now rafher than in 6/7 calls time. They will call again I know it! Hopefully that would put a stop to this and maybe SS could tell them that all checks have been made.

Scary how much neighbours can make your life difficult and make you feel crap.
I have honestly thougt about moving.

[rubypearl]

So the case had been investigated and dropped again. SS will not come round and assess us as it has only been 2 calls.
Even if they did and there were more calls they would still investigate each call.
Why - because my neighbours provide enough information to know it is them - I only have one neighbour and they complain about noise next door, yet they insist on complaining anonymously - so it has to be looked into but SS are unable to report back to them that there is no case to answer.
SS have recommended that if it continues to call in the police in terms of harrssment.
I feel helpless, and cross!

[Josey78]

I'm not sure if any of this is still going on but I've had the same happen to me and it's left me massively paranoid about everything I say or do. I've lost all confidence in myself as a mother. I'm currently under social services due to a completely unrelated matter so as the saying goes I'm not in the habit of sh*ng in my own nest. So the last thing I'm going to do is shout, swear or emotionally pr physically abuse my children. Anyway my social worker came round and told me they had received a referral from the NSPCC stating that for the past 8 mth, since moving into my house, all I did was shout unprovoked at the children, man handle my 2yr old in and out of the car, my children appeared to be petrified and very scared of me, I shout even when the children are having fun and doing nothing wrong, I was heard swearing at them "why can't you just do as your fu**ng told" and I appear to drive away and leave them on the drive (forget them) only to return once I realise I've forgotten about them.

And I leave my son who's two in the car for over 10mins at a time.

First like Ruby, I do raise my voice, I'm slightly deaf so shout anyway. I did say that phrase but that was to myself in tears, in the house, children in the car NOT in the house, the door was just closed too.

I DO NOT shout at them for no reason, there's 5 of them and you have to raise your voice to be heard, it's not aggressive shouting, I don't shout in their faces and also I have a three story house so have to shout for them to hear me above xbox head sets etc.

I DON'T man handle my 2 yr old in and out of the car. I suffer from a chronic illness which gives me no grip when trying to hold a weight so I have to use my elbows to grip him out from the car also getting him in is like hoisting a shot put then if he fights and goes ridged then I have to push him back which I do as gently as possible. Do I just not put him in and put him at risk to please my spies??

My children are not petrified or fear me, quite the opposite as they know social services are always seeing them at school.

My 6 year old ran over the closes rd with aeroplane arms shouting "I'm getting fresh airrrrrrrr" at the point of a car about to turn in. I'd shouted his name in shock. It appears that after this they had rang in. Also prior to them ringing and on the day of my swearing in the house alone my 8yr old daughter had been screaming for two hours solid, she had called me a bitch so I'd said she wasn't going to build a bear workshop with her dad. Same day she had repeatedly slapped and punched her 6 year old brother. So understandably I'd refused to reward her bad behaviour, she in return went ballistic.

On returning from the school run I pull on to the drive outside my front door, leave the door open while grabbing bits for going out. I've got a 16mth old too who's doors is slid open and I talk to them all the while in in my passage gathering their bits.

And I've never left ANY OF THEM on the drive, who the hell FORGETS their children??? I have a 12 and a half year old an 8 and a half year old a 6 and a half year old a 27mth year old and a 16mth old. How could it be possible to forget such vocal kids. I've been on the drive about to leave and beeped the horn for the eldest to go for his school bus which stops a few hundred metres from our door then drove off. But I don't take him to school?!

But as you can guess sw said she finds it hard to believe when they have waited over 8mth to report me, the children ARE NOT scared of me, I DON'T leave them on the drive and she knows my condition that causes me to struggle holding, lifting and walking. I've never ever felt so humiliated, put down and paranoid. I don't like going outside now cause I know I'm being spied on, it's awful.... to top it off they do not know what the children are doing withing the house, my front faces north and they are about 50ft to my right facing west in direct sight of my drive. All that's been said revolves around my drive area. And cause they have said they can't see if my doors open due to the position it means it can only be one of two neighbouring properties. One has children the others are around late 50s early 60s.

I've rang NSPCC who have said they have to report all calls but according to their policy THEY ASSESS if there's need to refer the call and also was advised that I need to call 101 and report it as malicious if there's no issues as they could keep doing it and then the police can take action.

This has totally gutted me to think that someone who doesn't know me at all has judged me on something that they have seen from driving past my house and from their house. And can only see my expressions and hand movements which look the same if I'm excited or agitated. And please who goes to town on their children in full view of the world constantly on a daily basis?? No one unless they genuinely do care about their children....

Just needed to vent this cause I've got myself so low stressing eventhough sw has dismissed it...

And if the accuser is reading this then thank you for making and already stressing mum more stressed!!!! Congratulations