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Original poster

Complaining neighbours

61 replies

rubypearl · 10/03/2015 16:39

I'm really cross - I have just had a call from social services following up a complaint made against me to the NSPPC.

It seems it was my neighbours who have complained about me shouting at my children. They reported shouting at a 13 yr old and 4 yr old.
I have 2 yr old and a 10 yr old. They said that I was not aggressive nor did they see signs off mistreatment - just that I shouted at my eldest.
3 of the dates they gave my daughter was away with my parents, and on in e occasion the neighbours were 'unhappy to hear that I had asked my daughter to take some things out of her bag'.
I am so angry! Social services have said that it sounds malicious and are NOT looking to follow it up.
I feel like I have been slapped and am so humiliated to even think about bumping into them.
I do occasionally shout - do doesn't? But I do also live in a large 3 story town house, so sometimes shouting is inevitable.
I feel that I am now a prisoner in my home with my neighbours, who do not have children, sat next door judging my every sound!
The fact that my daughter is thriving at school and that a date was obviously completely made up makes me really cross with my neighbours.
Sorry to rant but not sure what to do - apart from carry on and hold my head up high (whilst giving them the occasional glare)!!!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 12/03/2015 12:34

'I feel that I am now a prisoner in my home with my neighbours, who do not have children,'

She says in the OP they have no children.

Original poster
rubypearl · 12/03/2015 16:13

Holeinthehead I am calm! And never not felt calm!
Well except on the rare occasion being a human messes things up.

I think you, and a couple of others, maybe just like to inflame situations? Being a calm person I oersonally aren't looking for an argument- just to gather some opinions from other like minded mums.

I don't think it is healthy for threads to end up as public slanging matches just when some people don't agree, or indersgand the situation. This is obviously my fault for not explaining things properly!

OP posts:
CultureSucksDownWords · 12/03/2015 16:29

Why are people commenting so much about the (non) shouting? It's not about whether the OP did shout or not, or whether shouting is a problem.

The OPs neighbours reported her to SS for no good reason which the SS people confirmed. Such a horrible thing to do, to make a malicious report - either that, or horribly misguided and poorly judged. No wonder the OP was upset by it!

Original poster
rubypearl · 13/03/2015 06:42

Thanks culturesucksdownwords - SS were brilliant and my HV. Luckily they have all said how it looks 100% malicious - thankfully when checks were made with my daughters school and my sons HV they were able to report my children as happy, healthy and thriving. Scary how easily someone can throw a bomb in your lives - it has really saddened me ??
I'm sad to say I think it could be a case of them just norm liking ANY noise from children, or they there are very very sad and are hung up about the fact that my car is bigger/ or my house/ or maybe my cat is more attractive.. who knows.

OP posts:
Floundering · 13/03/2015 06:54

OP- how annoying for you but flip this on its head.

The NSPCC and your HV have all realised the truth & realised there is no case to answer, they have to follow up complaints & I think these days where in the past they might have just kept a distant eye now they follow it up (quite rightly) because of the fear of missing something as has been the case in recent terrible tragedies involving kids & abusive parents.

You now have it on record that there is no case to answer & that it was a malicious report so in future they can say so hand on heart ( if the feckers complain any more)

Don't feel humiliated it's more a reflection on their sad little lives that they have so little to do/worry about.

Oh and I'm sorry for the PP who said shouting is abusive- show me a mother who can honestly say they have NEVER on the odd occasion shouted at or to their child in their lives & I'll show you a liar!

Paintedpinksapphires · 13/03/2015 06:58

OP the neighbours seem to have an awful lot of word for word detail about what you are saying to your children, do you share a wall with them? Or are your windows open??

FiftyShadesOfSporn · 13/03/2015 07:02

I do think you should buy a trampoline, put it next to the fence, and let the children play on it as early and as much as they like ...

coolaschmoola · 13/03/2015 07:04

Our walls are ridiculously thin. In the lounge you can hear spoken conversations word for word. You can definitely hear every word of shouting.

The vendor chose not to share that nugget of information Hmm.

LittleLionMansMummy · 13/03/2015 08:28

Our previous neighbours moved out prior to ds' s birth but I'm fairly sure that had they not then they would have reported us to ss - not because we're abusive but because they were absolute dicks and would have done it maliciously! They hated noise, of any kind, and I think the woman had some mental health issues. Normally I would be sympathetic to this, but they made our lives a misery.

I think people who shout all the time at their children might be deemed abusive, but most people have shouted occasionally. When I've done it I've explained to ds that I'm sorry and shouting is not right. It's usually been prompted by pmt tbh.

I'm sorry your neighbours are so malicious OP, but it's reassuring to know that ss know a malicious report when they hear one.

Original poster
rubypearl · 13/03/2015 13:31

They heard things said in the garden - my house was built 1800 so the walls are rather thick! The weird thing is it just doesn't add up - one of the complaints was when my children were at my mum's and I was at uni! My daughter then sang at young voices so it was a late (and quiet!) night for all!
The kids ages were wrong amongst other details - which shows they have made a lot up!!
I think people should be reported where there is genuine abuse but I also think before reporting you should be very sure of what the situation is or some of the facts! Speak to the family, check the kids are ok..
But in MY case the neighbours simply made a load of rubbish up.

OP posts:
Original poster
rubypearl · 13/03/2015 13:34

Fiftyshades ... I am definitely planning ALOT of outside play in the summer - mainly before breakfast on the weekends ; )
Perhaps even introducing outside dancing and singing!

OP posts:
sanfairyanne · 13/03/2015 13:36

outdoor whole class parties with supersoakers, trampolining and yodelling contests

Paintedpinksapphires · 13/03/2015 16:15

ah I see.

But surely you aren't shouting in the garden?

sanfairyanne · 13/03/2015 16:22

i'm always shouting in the garden - kids are bloody miles away Smile

CultureSucksDownWords · 13/03/2015 16:26

Paintedpinksapphires, the OP has said that the neighbours have made a lot of it up, including on dates when there were no children present. Shouting in the garden obviously wouldn't be terribly neighbourly, if the OP was doing that, but that's not the question rasied by this thread!

demoska1 · 13/03/2015 16:43

Just a thought but have you considered that the complaint made against you was by someone other than your neighbour.? It's easy to say they are a neighbour rather than family or friend so they aren't outed.

Paintedpinksapphires · 13/03/2015 16:47

Culture clearly the NDNs are unreasonable, but I was attempting up clarify previous posts. Earlier in the thread the OP stated one conversation that they had reported which she indicated was correct.

I asked how they could have heard this word for word (thinking that maybe noise was the source of the problem if the sound proofing isn't great) and the OP replied that the conversation was overheard in the garden.

Now in my book, yelling in public is rude and unneighbourly - although clearly no reason at all for an SS report.

countessmarkyabitch · 13/03/2015 16:50

Shouting is bullying, shouting is violence...what a load of unmitigated horseshit.

CultureSucksDownWords · 13/03/2015 17:03

I see what you're saying Paintedpinksapphires, but the OP was clearly upset (and who wouldn't be) by the malicious SS report. I don't see how it's helpful to her to interrogate her about exactly how she shouts, or doesn't, and where she does it.

BohemianRaptor · 13/03/2015 17:14

Shouting can be bullying though. Shouting to 'hurry up' or get down here now' etc not so much. Standing an inch from a child's face screaming that they're stupid, for example, I would class as bullying. Doesn't sound like that's the case here but plenty children are verbally abused by parents. My parents used to have neighbours that screamed at their child every single day and it's upsetting to listen to.

Reekypear · 13/03/2015 17:24

If it's a malicious report it needs to be challenged legally.

Original poster
rubypearl · 13/03/2015 18:17

I give up!

Wish I hadn't aired this here!

Nope I don't shout in my childrens faces, I wasn't shouting in the garden, I have better things to do than challenge an anonymous call legally, the only people who could possibly hear was my neighbours, only have them on one side, my friends and family know me and know I am not shouting at my kids!

OP posts:
Floundering · 14/03/2015 11:54

Ruby - don't get upset by pp going on about the shouting they clearly have had the abusive kind in their pasts which understandably hits a nerve. ( & is totally a different scenario to this case)

To get back to the subject of your OP, the relevant authorities know it was made up & malicious reporting,it happens they know this & I'm sure see it all too regularly.

Carry on looking after your lovely DC the way you do and enjoy them don't stifle their noise because of the saddo NDN who have nothing better to do with their lives.

Have a good weekend Grin

Original poster
rubypearl · 14/03/2015 14:24

Thanks Floundering - I've already caught myself on several occasions telling the kids to be quiet! It's very sad how others can affect you.

Hope you have a good weekend too x

OP posts:
jemimapuddleduck208 · 15/03/2015 06:28

holeinmyheart "Shouting is bullying"? No it bloody isn't, don't be so fucking stupid. Opinions like that are why we now have a nation of badly behaved children with no discipline and no respect for anyone, for fuck's sake.