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Original poster

How to stop MIL taking over??

51 replies

lexyloub · 09/03/2015 21:21

My ds3 is just 2 weeks old (older ds's are 8 and 5). MIL was quite over bearing when older ds' were babies taking over and telling me what they wanted/liked/disliked etc. With ds3 she's taken this to a whole new level she's bought a moses basket, bouncer chair,steriliser, bottles, nappies, bath,milk and clothes all to keep at her house. Before I finished on Mat leave she had my older 2 alot whilst I was at work and for this I am eternally grateful but I'm not due back in work til Jan so I really don't know why she feels she needs all this baby gear at her house.
She rang earlier to say she's off work tomorrow so she'll have the baby all day! Wtf???? What does she expect me to do all day why she's got my kids?? I feel like I can't say no and I don't want this to become a regular thing where she thinks she can look after the baby every time she has a day off.
Am I being unreasonable or over reacting here? I know she means well but I really don't relish the idea of sitting watching the clock all day waiting for him to come home (she will keep him all day and only bring him home at bedtime ).

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TheOriginalWinkly · 09/03/2015 21:24

Why the hell would you let her take a 2 week old away from you? Or, why don't you think you can say no? You really can and must say no. Your tiny boy needs his mother.

SukieTuesday · 09/03/2015 21:25

'I feel like I can't say no'

You can! Honestly. Not wanting her to take your 2 week old for the day is fine. I think you need to say something because January is a long way away and if she thinks it's ok to announce she's taking such a small baby for the day she's not going to be any better when they're 4 months.

seaoflove · 09/03/2015 21:25

Say no.

SAY NO.

It's not your problem that she's bought all this stuff to play mummy with.

"Hi Lexy, I'm going to have the baby tomorrow"

"Thanks for the offer MIL, but no, he's two weeks old and he needs to be with me".

Seriously, put your foot down NOW otherwise she'll trample all over you for years.

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SukieTuesday · 09/03/2015 21:26

I think something along the lines of 'that won't be possible but you're more than welcome to come over tomorrow afternoon to see him.'

AlternativeTentacles · 09/03/2015 21:27

Say no.

Do it now before you drive yourself crazy.

Or say yes and go back to bed. .

ManyHatsOn · 09/03/2015 21:28

Is there a possibility that she's genuinely trying to be helpful...?

SukieTuesday · 09/03/2015 21:28

You'll get the 'My MIL/mother took my DC overnight from the time they were 2 hours old and I was grateful for the break' posts soon.

NomNomDePlum · 09/03/2015 21:29

say no. he is too little. if she goes off on one, point out that you are surprised that she would choose to distress a tiny baby in such a fashion. really, i suggest being utterly frank. she won't do it again.

RandomMess · 09/03/2015 21:30

Try a tinkly laugh and a "don't be silly MIL I want ds3 with me he's tiny still"

tippytappywriter · 09/03/2015 21:32

She is probably excited so maybe ask her to spend a few hours helping you out. Say no to all day if you don't feel comfortable.

Original poster

lexyloub · 09/03/2015 21:33

I think she thinks she's giving me a break but I don't need 1 he's a really easy baby only waking once in the night so it's not like I'm sleep deprived. I spent 4 weeks on Mat leave before the birth sat on my bum doing nothing. It's making me quite anxious thinking about it. I know he will be well looked after etc but I want to do the looking after not somebody else just yet also I know that she will probably sit and nurse him all day, I know it's lovely to cuddle a newborn she will literally not put him down all day. How can I say no thanks tactfully? She's at home now sterilising her bottles ready for him

OP posts:

fuzzywuzzy · 09/03/2015 21:33

Why can't yo say no?

I'd ignore all the stuff she's bought for her house & do as I please.

Say no, turn of the phone, enjoy your new baby.

PintofCiderPlease · 09/03/2015 21:36

How to say no tactfully? Tell her YOU'RE not ready yet to be apart from him for so long.

And it will be true - your hormones will probably make you miserable the whole day.....

AGirlCalledBoB · 09/03/2015 21:36

say no.

Seriously your baby is 2 weeks old, there is not a chancs in hell I would let my mil dictate to me that she is having my child for the day.

Just say no, it really is not that difficult

AlternativeTentacles · 09/03/2015 21:38

Oh hang on MIL. I am off work tomorrow too. So no need.

Original poster

lexyloub · 09/03/2015 21:40

She picked my oldest 2 up from school every Monday when I was at work and since I've been on Mat leave that's continued, they love going so I've allowed this to happen but feel like I'm sat waiting for them to come home I sometimes have to ask for them back I'm certainly not sitting at home waiting for all 3 to come home

OP posts:

HungryDam · 09/03/2015 21:41

If you don't want to do, just say you don't feel ready yet. Don't be rude though, your baby is still v small, and you might need help if baby develops colic/sleep issues etc.

But tbh, I would have been really grateful if my MiL had taken LO and given me a chance to catch up on sleep.

Mrsteddyruxpin · 09/03/2015 21:44

I think she will want to have baby a lot if you don't make it clear now. Just say no, you are grateful for her help and thank her for her kindness but you would miss your baby too much and she's welcome to visit

Nothing at all wrong with that message I think

Littlefish · 09/03/2015 21:45

Just phone her and say that you've changed your mind, and you don't want ds to be away from you yet as he's too small.

Don't discuss it. Just tell her.

Littlefish · 09/03/2015 21:47

Better still - get your dh to phone her and tell her.

FourFlapjacksPlease · 09/03/2015 21:50

good grief - you just need to say no. She sounds very overwhelming and if you don't set boundaries now it will get worse. Could you suggest you all have lunch together or that you pop round with the baby instead?

Fairenuff · 09/03/2015 21:50

Just say 'No thanks I'm fine'.

Spadequeen · 09/03/2015 21:51

It's very simple, just say no thank you. It's polite, to the point and leaves her in no doubt that she's not having your ds for the day.

rosedavo · 09/03/2015 22:02

Im dreading this situation, im pregnant with my first (25 weeks) and my mil is already driving me insane....ive already been told shes having the baby once over night everyweek from birth...wtf. and when ive said in a diplomatic way "well me and dh will decide or organise everything once there here" we are met with horrible comments masked as advice, such as "trust me youll want a break" or "you cant spoil them" etc. Im trying so hard to be diplomatic but shes already set up her spare room with a nursury...even though ive said over and over please dont buy anything. Its like it doesnt sink in!! Why are some mils sooo disolusional?!

maccie · 09/03/2015 22:05

I think you need to call her back tonight and say no. The longer she thinks this is happening the more she will think it is ok.

You need to take ownership of the decision too by just saying what you have here 'I'm not ready to be apart from him yet, but I appreciate you offering to help, I will let you know if I fancy a break in the future but certainly not now. It's making me anxious just thinking about it.'

If you allow this now when it seems like she just has to TELL you she will be taking him then this will increase in frequency.

If you give any other kind of excuse then she will find a way round it. 'I don't want to right now but thanks anyway' leaves no room for further discussion.

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