Do you let your baby sleep alone?

[Nessalina]

Can't decide if I'm being PFB, but me & DH have been following safe sleeping guidelines to the letter, so at 7:30 I put our 4 month old baby to bed and I sit in the darkened bedroom with him, watching Amazon prime on my mobile until about 10:30 when I go to sleep.

In chatting to other mums at baby group it seems that a lot of them put the baby down and them leave them to it with a monitor, and then come up to bed whenever they would normally.

So I know SIDs guidelines are that baby should sleep in a room with an adult, but am I taking it too far?? I would kind of like to get my evenings back...

I totally agree with that Squizita. Worried people buy stuff. Expensive stuff too often. Even when I had DD1 it was rare that people had home dopplers (don't get me started on them...) or movement monitors. Both seem to be becoming more common.

When I am benevolent dictator of the world the phrase "I'd never forgive myself if..." will be banned. 99% of the time it is used to justify something which is inconvenient or unpleasant for the parent (let's face it, the mother) and which is of marginal or nil benefit.

Take food in pregnancy. People are always saying things like "I really wanted a glass of champagne at my brother's wedding when I was 8 months' pregnant, but I'd never forgive myself if....". Now, objectively, 1.5 units of alcohol once in an entire pregnancy and in the third trimester is no risk. But the culture of fear drives people to take things to the most extreme degree of protection, or suffer enormous guilt. (Disclaimer: I'm not saying that people should feel that they ought to have the glass of champagne, just that if they weren't bothered or didn't fancy it or simply decided not to then they don't tend to do the whole "I'd never forgive myself if...." thing. I'd never forgive myself usually comes about when someone feels pressured to utter obedience from scaremongering. Not when they've made an objective personal risk assessment).

Ooh dopplers. With the small print for recreational use only ... and actually (not "never forgive myself" but actually) too confusing for layperson use as a safety device. Waste of money which no one buys as a novelty toy/recreational. People buy them cause they're scared.

I think if the mother is expected and doing everything, this is one more stick to beat herself with. With 2 engaged parents, it is doable.

But, parenting is about what works for you and your family. Do what suits you.

I'm still staying with DD2 in the evenings even though she is now beyond 6 months. I enjoy it. It's going to end all too soon. I have a crazily independent toddler. As DD2 is likely to be my last, I am enjoying every moment of her baby stage.

When do you think you'll stop stargirl?

Worried people buy stuff

This. We had a little cardboard nursery thermometer but no, we needed to know the temperature exactly after our talk with the mw so we dutifully bought a Gro Egg and watched it fucking relentlessly for months. All just in case......

When the clocks change Lighter evenings will push me out of hibernation mode!

I think there's a bigger issue than practicality though. Mentality is key. Just because it can be done doesn't always mean it's healthy.

Eg.
2 people knowing the risks in a reasonable/accurate way, it suits their baby, they like it = great.
But. ..
A dad "enabling" a woman to obsess (or vice versa) and continuing a cycle of worry, not so good.
Or if they're doing it because they feel social pressure to as it's what modern parents do, but it means they never talk.
Or...
Or a dad creating fear and worry and pressuring a mum to worry more (we've all seen threads on MN about weird/controlling husbands) - terrible.

In terms of can/should, it's something which never ends. Its almost worse when things are do-able. For example ... I could engineer it so that from creche to 6th form dd only went to places with work connections to me, so I could keep an eye on her/the staff taking care of her. In practical terms that would be possible.
But it doesn't mean I should because I know I tend towards the "over protective" end of things and would be doing it for batshit crazy overbearing reasons.
But it can be done for healthier reasons and that's fine -a friend of mine has a sporty, bright dc who attends a private school where she works. If she didn't work there he'd never be able to afford that school and it happens to be superb for sports. So though the behaviour seems the same, it's coming from a healthier place.

All that said I am writing this in the dark next to my sleeping dd.

I think it ends when you have two or go nuts! For the first three weeks of ds's life it was as though we were keeping him alive through sheer will and nervous exhaustion, if we stopped concentrating and operated at anything less than "high anxiety" mode something would happen and we would never forgive ourselves. It was totally unsustainable. I think that you gradually relax and put things into perspective but at first we were definitely not reasonable people!

There was a thread on AIBU (?) about alcohol in pregnancy and nearly all of the Never Drink Anything Even One Glass posters finished each point with " is it really worth the risk?". I think you know that your baby will be absolutely fine upstairs alone but there's The Doubt, if they weren't, then what??