i am the worst SAHM in the world EVER im going to go back to work full time and see how they like it then

[nailpolish]

my 4 yr old hates me

i was sitting next to her playing polly pocket and i could smell it - she ws doing a poo in her pants

she has done this every day for a week, maybe longer

"mummy you are not going to be proud of me" smirk smirk

i think she is too lazy to go to the toilet

i am so shit at motherhood

she is horrible to dd2 all day long

calls her names
pokes her
steals her food and toys

i think its because dd2 plays quietly by herself, and dd1 has no imagination, she finds it hard to play alone

oh i have no ficking idea what to do

You sound as though you need a break! 4yos can be vile little creatures sometimes, I have had similar poo-related behaviour from mine lately, I think it's because it's half term and the weather's crap and everything amiss in his little world is my bloody fault as usual. He is currently in the doghouse (not literally!) for pinching his little brother, which he has never done before.

She doesn't hate you though. I'm sure she doesn't. SHe just thinks you are all-powerful and invulnerable, so in her mind it's fine to take everything out on you.

Have you got anyone who could give you a couple of hours break, this evening or tomorrow? I haven't, but if I had I would snap their arm off

sally its a fully formed poo, and she will just leave it there, cant be bothered even changing

shes not constipated, she thinks its funny

i have sent her to her room

she sat there and did it, i thought she just had wind then she said "muumy........"

im ficking miserable

i truly am going to go back to work

but then i feel sorry for dd2!

she goes to preschool for a couple of hrs every morning

BLISS doesnt come near to describe how it is

she is apparently a "delight"

(!)

greens, i mglad you said "vile little creature"

please tell me it will be better soon

im so miserable

she normally gets to play with daddy on the computer for 20 mins before bath after bed

games and stuff

she REALLY loves it

should i not let her as a punishment?

Hmm, I can see the temptation to use that as a punishment, but personally I probably wouldn't because ds1 (little darling) would just use it to set up a battleground every night. He loves a good battle of wills

In his case I just explain to him that big boys use the toilet, and that he can't really just poo himself whenever he feels like it at nursery/school - he can't just poo in his pants because he can't be arsed to go to the loo. He knows that really, he definitely does it to wind me up. On the other hand I try not to make too big of a deal out of it, because I don't want him to have "issues around poo", IYKWIM, I try to play it down.

It will definitely get better though np, I think it's just one of the delightful little phases they go through . I usually find that if he isn't getting enough of a rise out of us he'll drop it after a few days and try something else, like painting himself with porridge, or breaking eggs all over the kitchen floor

I'm pretty sure the half term and the crap weather have made it all worse here.

Oh naily

You poor love.

As you know, my DD is also 4. We have also been through the pooing in pants regression very recently. Like you it makes me really bloody angry (not something I'm remotely proud of). I find it so hard to bite back the fury and frustration and just remind her that she needs to use the toilet when she needs a poo [heartless bitch emoticon].

DD's seemed to stem from the disruption of starting at school, it seems to be the way she deals with stress (she did it when we were moving house too). We have now resorted to a sticker chart where for every poo she does that goes in the loo she is allowed to put a sticker on the chart. Every few boxes along there is a 'treat' box (just something small). It seems to be working so far.

Of course, sometimes she just does it because she can't be fecked to go to the loo

Mine definitely does it sometimes because he's "busy playing and can't be bothered to go", he has told me so quite happily

BTW - you are not rubbish at SAHMdom. This crappola weather is sending us all a bit stir crazy I think

thanks fro replying

i am going in early to speak to dd's pre school teacher, she is such a lovely woman, and is honest about how she finds dd (which is a relief)

so hopefully she can help a bit

i have been given the number of an early years worker to ring if i want to

does anyone have any experience of htis?

ta

Have no experience of early years worker but I think everyone has crap days whether you work or not. Don't beat yourself up
I wouldn't get into punishments for 'accidents' though. Just sigh internally and change her-- the less attention (of any kind) she gets, the better....

NP - the poo thing is all to familiar to me.

My experience though is that punishment merely made it worse - much worse!

We finally cracked it with a mixture of very immediate rewards - a box of sweets on a shelf in the loo which were handed out the second a poo appeared in the loo

Medium term rewards - a sticker chart where day to day success could be recorded.

Total ignoring of any misplaced poos

There is a clear link between pooing in pants and emotional state for DS - in the past any changes in his life no matter how small would lead to regression.

We finally cracked it when he was about 5.5yo. Now we've moved on to regressive bed wetting if things change.

Ho hum!!!!

the teacher stressed that to me - reward for good ignore the bad

its difficult tho!

sigh

Oh yes it is hard - very

I remember doing a rictus smile through gritted teeth saying, 'oh well, lets go and clean you up'!!!

i didnt even say that, i tried to not speak to her as i changed her pants

ie no attention whatsoever

the teacher said someone had done a poo at shcool and had been the centre of attention the whole day, and dd had seen it all

she thinks there is a link with that

Ah, NP,Im shit at playing with my own kids (although excellent with other people's in job as a SALT)Do you know,I have never watched a 'kiddy' video or programme the whole way through in nearly 6 years??

I've done nearly a three year stint at home,and frankly it's enough.
Tis wonderful to be back at work.
(Can well understand pooing stuff would drive you insane.)

np... that's why we're here. For you to rant and rave about your vile 4 yo. So, if you're finding it hard to ignore what she's done.... post! We'll keep you distracted whilst the wee beastie stinks away.

Now remember my mantra..........

This too will pass.
This too will pass.
This too will pass.

And breathe............. breathe in..... breathe out...... and innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...... and outttttttttttttttttttttttt

This too will pass

moondog your honesty is nice

i wish more people on mn were honest

thanks marsy

right

am off to put dd2 for her nap and dd1 and i are going to make bread

she loves that

I had a delightful half term week (last week in Scotland)- dh was at home with our 4 year old, and I was at work.

We've done the pooing in pants thing recently too- funnily enough it was the week before last, and I think it may have been a reaction to the prospect of spending a week at home with Dad! It seems to have passed (for the time being at least)- she had a lot more fun than she was expecting to have, and they're now best friends and ganging up on me!

I love 'em but Gahd it is sooooooooooo effing boooooooooring sometimes.
Hey,remember when we both had tiny babies?
You were saying how much you hated your old place and I was trapped in a snowstorm in bloody Turkey and hadn't left the flat in days.

You saved me NP.

Hey,my dd goes to a childminder after school now (she loves it) and ds goes to a nursery five times a week,even though i only work 21/2 days a week and......I BLOODY LOVE IT AND COULDN'T CARE LESS WHAT ANYONE THINKS.

I've done nearly 6 years of more or less solo parenting and now it's my turn.

Oh,and I had an entire w/end alone in London last w/end,got wrecked and drank Champagne until 5:00 am with old boyfriend (all above board though.)

Marvellous.