oh dear god, please tell me im not the only one!!!!

[BattlingOnAgain]

Okay its 10.44 so far today I have endured;
A healthy fresh breakfast smushed into the settees, my new carpets (sob), none actually in her mouth.
DD has learnt to take her nappy off. After me (stupidly) thinking she was asleep, came into her room to find shit all over her bed, the wall, among most of her toys and all over her. She was trying to eat it BARFF!!
Bath time, thought it was fun to fill her jug and chuck it at me, toys thrown out of bath because I refused to give it her back.
DVDs emptied all over the floor, three fucking times!
Countless tantrums, she found an onion in the kitchen she wanted to eat it, no you can't eat wax crayons and no, your not climbing into the fricking washing machine, I'm trying to load the bastard with your shitty clothes, bedding and toys!!

Too early to start the wine? (Looks around hopefully)

Please share your little darlings stories to prevent me losing it today (and wanting to elope to Spain)

She sounds gorgeous! How old is the little darling? Strap her in high chair, stick her in front of cbeebies and go get yourself a large glass if wine coffee. Mine have grown out of that stage now, they are fucking bickering though. Incessantly. It makes my ears bleed. DH is away. I'm still stinking in my dressing gown........

She's 1 on Monday. It's going to get a lot worse, isn't it? (sob)
Oh how I love these days, I'm clocking off at 12 her dad can have her for the day
Forget cbeebies, she's watching Corrie at the moment, she loooves the meerkat advert haha!
Oohh, I can sympathise, I'm one of six and i still regularly look after the youngest three, lock them out in the garden, its survival of the fittest

DH is on nights (5/7 done) and is asleep so I have been trying to keep the dc quiet (will be going out in a bit).

Of course quiet is the last thing they want to be. So far, 3yo DS has dressed up as Ninja Elsa- Frozen dress and wig, samurai sword and bandana - and battled his arch nemesis Iron Slipper Girl (7yo DD in an Iron Man costume with slippers on her hands). This involved a lot of whooping and screeching and mock death throes.

Then we had choir practice so DD sang that Ringo Starr Octopus Something Garden Blah Blah song 873 times. With vibrato.

DS has dropped cheerios down the back of the DVD chest and I will sort it out. I will. Later.

There are precisely 902 pieces of Playmobil on the floor atm.

I am plucking up the courage to finish attaching lining paper to the walls and also to paint the chimney breast. DS will help. He is 3. I will cry and the carpet will be a different and interesting colour by lunchtime.

DD is currently shouting out facts from her book on Ancient Greece and I am feigning massive amounts of enthusiasm whilst dancing round Playmobil and discarded Cheerios, fending off the last advances of Ninja Elsa and trying to make a cup of tea.

It doesn't get easier, it gets different. No shit smearing here though so I'm going to count my blessings.

Dont feed her in anything but her highchair. Mine are 13 and 17 and nobody eats in rhe lounge or on the carpet, we eat at the table, instil it young.
Put her babygrow on back to front so she can't take it off and so ps he can't remove her nappy.

Move the DVDs
Let her chuck her toys out of the bath, just don't give them back.

Man up - who is the boss here, her or you? She's not even one, and she has you run ragged coz you are letting her!

Showy you win

Luckily she's the only one. No more. DD most annoying toys I.e. The fecking builder blocks which she deliberately placed at the end of the bed have mysteriously vanished.

Has your dh got earmuffs? I'd pinch them

Bafana Chill, this is a light hearted thread..
We've just moved, literally yesterday. My routine at the moment is out of the window trying to bloody unpack a mountain of boxes, and supervising a 1yo, whilst dp is grafting for us.
Its just one day where things are not going to plan. Just asking for some funny anecdotes, not bloody judgement on my parenting

Oh Bafana, I think Battling is being lighthearted. This isn't the perils of modern youth having too much freedom, it's an amusing tale of a relaxed Saturday.

Why do they always lose the one toy they want? When you find it, they no longer want it.

X-posts!

I miss all this. Ok.... Nearly!

Agreed Showy.
dd favourite toy changes daily, at the moment its a singing bus, which sings, constantly! I think I may have to find the screwdriver somewhere

Ok, sorry, sense of humour failure obviously! Battling tonsillitis at the moment, so possibly not seeing the funny side of things.

I don't miss them being 1!!

Oh, your daughter sounds a sweetie! Let me try to help you feel better!

Had to go pick DS up from sleepover at 5 am because he was barfing at friends house. This was followed by three hours of him barfing at our house. In between times, he kept yelling at us to use our well known divine skills to 'make it stop' (and 'so don't eat pizza, crisps, biscuits, curry, goodness knows what else, for three hours solid and then jump around for another two' didn't quite cut it, bless...). So, after clearing up mess and settling him in front of TV with empty tummy and a 'just in case' basin (I'm always optimistic that they would use it... ), I thought I might sneak back to bed to catch up on much needed beauty sleep. Cue appearance of sleepy, naked three year old. And the discovery that he was naked because of tiny bit of bed wetting (well, at least in part, because he is a little bit of a naturist... Or maybe an exhibitionist, not quite sure yet. Time will tell... ). So I've had full (smelly) load in washing machine too .

And then, the lovely vomit boy (we do love him, but who vomits THAT much?? Not decided yet whether name change will be permanent...), decided he needed Crunchy nut cornflakes, so they are (obviously) now all over the kitchen floor.

I've gone back to bed. Today is clearly not meant to be...

Bafana oh no, get better soon

Oh dear op. It's nearly midday and then you are officially allowed wine although unofficial wines tastes better

You are clearly a vastly superior parent to me. I'd have let her eat the onion, she would have to learn the hard way.

London I feel your pain, whilst giggling like a loony. You've gotta love 'em.
Beauty sleep? That's out of the window for the next five years or so haha

The boy (age 16 months) has a complete obsession with the toilet. Everything gets thrown in it, if I stop him he has a massive meltdown

Oh yes, wine is a certainty. I'm no ways a superior parent, dd chipped a tooth a few days back toddling along outside with dp. Poor baby has to be careful with what she eats at the moment, not that she's happy about That or anything

Luckily she's not too interested in that, at the moment

The toilet I mean

My youngest is twelve, she got up at 11am, made her breakfast and took it back to bed. I've offered various trips out cinema, bowling, swimming and shopping but her plan for today is eating, reading, sleeping and minecraft so I'm at a loose end as dh and ds gone to an away match. I miss he chaos of little ones tbh, enjoy, she'll be grown up before you know it.

Yep op I have a shit-smearer.

The second and third and fourth time it's not so bad

Saturday's are meltdown day in this house. It's the day I try to catch up on housework, we try to keep DS downstairs with DH so I cAn do bathroom and bedrooms but as soon as he sees me take the polish and Hoover upstairs (DS that is) he decides it's time to scream the house down until daddy brings him up to "help". He is the only child I know that has his own cleaning basket to help mama ?? he is a sweetheart but some things are just easier done by yourself especially when DS thinks it's appropriate to empty all his clothes from his chest of drawers to dust inside, repeat as appropriate with any other drawers, bookcases, shelves. DH took DS to get his haircut this morning but the hairdressers was packed and told them to come back later, DS arrived home screaming his head off cos he was so excited about getting his hair done and thinks he's been a bad boy ?? and now for the last 20 minutes I've been hearing banging and crashing downstairs and hubby repeating the sentence "You can't put the Hoover on the kitchen side BabyFlippertyJibbit, it won't fit" I think I need a cleaner.

First world problems eh? ??

I know they grow so fast, she's learning a new thing everyday. Todays she's realised she can pull the cushions down from the sofa and climb up that way. Swear she's trying to be a gymnast

I was hoping that the shit smearing would be the first and last time... Thinking that i certainly wouldn't be that lucky

Oh yes, the cleaning. Dd is terrified of the hoover, she goes into complete and utter meltdown whenever she sees it. Yet the madam insists of littering the carpet with crappy fluff from her teddies, which she tries and eats

Your right about first world problems

Bloody posted too soon, the cleaning did make me chuckle, hopefully he's like that in a few years time