oh dear god, please tell me im not the only one!!!!

[BattlingOnAgain]

Okay its 10.44 so far today I have endured;
A healthy fresh breakfast smushed into the settees, my new carpets (sob), none actually in her mouth.
DD has learnt to take her nappy off. After me (stupidly) thinking she was asleep, came into her room to find shit all over her bed, the wall, among most of her toys and all over her. She was trying to eat it BARFF!!
Bath time, thought it was fun to fill her jug and chuck it at me, toys thrown out of bath because I refused to give it her back.
DVDs emptied all over the floor, three fucking times!
Countless tantrums, she found an onion in the kitchen she wanted to eat it, no you can't eat wax crayons and no, your not climbing into the fricking washing machine, I'm trying to load the bastard with your shitty clothes, bedding and toys!!

Too early to start the wine? (Looks around hopefully)

Please share your little darlings stories to prevent me losing it today (and wanting to elope to Spain)

Okay so....
My four year old decided it would be funfeckingtastic to create snow by pouring a whole losd of talc all over her filly cadtle and mega cock blok table.
Her brother decides to do a Banksy all over the floors and wall and when pens confiscated and oldest bawled out for leaving them out gets hold of her phone instead and stamps on it.
He goes on to do a dirty protest with yoghurt, at least it wasn't poo while sibling empties a box of playmobil all over the floor.
This all takes place in the time it took me to fill a washload of voomageddon tops and poonami trousers and to fill the dishwasher. Oldest was refusing to get out of bed whatsapping and bitching when I say wtaf. Father is off on a
jolly work trip. For a week.
Need more

load and castle and vomageddon obv
Can't even type now

In fact i may as well join in and throw everything else onto the floor while smearing food everywhere to cut out the middle man.
Shoot me. Shoot me now.

how unfair that they don't do a whole bottle and just the one slice of cake

I have nothing helpful to say sorry! Lock them out in the garden? Weathers nice, chuck some food out to them, lets play Bear Grylls (sp) whilst mummy has cake and wine

DD (13 months) learnt to climb onto the chairs to get to the dining room table today. DH was 'watching' her whilst I got some extra sleep as he goes away for a week today so I won't get much! She managed to get to the fruit bowl and peeled and ate a banana, fairly tidily. Then got 3 clementines. She can't peel them so she just bites into them and spits out the peel. The living room and dining room floors are covered in orange peel and shredded tissue...

Reading all these has made me feel better though! I'm glad she's not figured out how to take off her nappy yet!

How old Is your oldest? Couldn't they entertain the youngest ones in return that you don't kick your foot up their arse?

MrsGSR, I was hoping that this thread would do that.
Yes we love them dearly, but god they are hard work at times and its reassuring that someone else has been there
I think I have outsmarted dd, I have put sellotape on her nappy (laughs like an evil genius)

My DD (16mo) has so far smeared porridge and banana around the room and then eaten toast got evey single piece of playmobil out of the box and then wanted Her teaset to play with... Tried to sit in Her dollies buggy several times. We have read at least 300 books... (ok maybe more like 20- she loves her books) we have been for a very windy walk along the beach and now she is having her nap while I contemplate hoovering up all the sand, crumbs etc. or having a cuppa... Cuppa wins!

My lovely dm had my 2 Devils last night so I could get a full nights sleep. I've been sitting in a very quiet house all morning contemplating going to pick them up, but since reading this thread I've changed my mind and I'm now leaving them there. Indefinitely

I am summoning up the energy to go to the museum and look at the chicks.
hopefully dd not doing a Lenny out of mice and men and squeezing the life out of them
Sellotaping the nappy is a work of genius...insteadof tit tape you could msrket it as bum tape.
Have no garden just a communal yard...not gonna happen even if i supervise from three floors up, they will either die or neighbours will end up killing them.
Eldest Is A Teenager And They Are NOT Her Responsibility As I Chose To Have Them Doncha Know?!?!!!
Have a good day everybody!

Hahaha

I say to do that we should give dd to the circus, she'd have a ball there with her new found talent for gymnastics (read giving me heart palpations and screeching nooo stand still you'll fall/break/give me a bloody heart attack) and her ability to befriend any animal she finds.

Oh the teenage years are a bitch. Five brothers, three teenagers two still young, I swear my dm is a saint. I'd kill the fuckers if they were mine. Very unmumsnetty hugs to you

Today hasn't got better, all the oranges made her bum a bit red, put some sudocreme on it then went to throw the nappy away and wash my hands. Get back and she's managed to get the cream off the shelves, open it and smear it all over the living room. Better than poo I suppose. Don't think I'll ever get it 100% out of the sofa though!