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Original poster

9yo DS accused of having oral sex at school

41 replies

modreduk · 25/02/2015 07:37

Hey all,

This relates to an incident that happened just before half term but the school only found out yesterday. The story is that DS1 was seen by another child receiving oral sex from a 10yo girl in the playground hidden behind a wall. This is a boy who is so self conscious that he protests at getting changed in front of his parents. The school called in DP yesterday to inform her that they are following 'due process' and will probably have to call the police over the matter.

Needless to say, I am livid over the whole matter. This is the sort of accusation that can stick and cause problems further down the road for DS1. The rumour mill has also already been in full swing and DS2 has been getting picked on over the matter (DS1 has been off school for 2 days after an injury at breakfast club on the first day back), as well as looks being given to DP.

We do not want to expose DS1 to the whole charade and so are going to the school today to inform them he will not be back until the situation is sorted out. We are also looking to get a public apology from the accusers for the trauma this has caused.

OP posts:
Bakeoffcake · 25/02/2015 07:40

What had your Ds said about all this?

Original poster
modreduk · 25/02/2015 07:43

In the meeting yesterday with the school he sat there looking confused. He has no idea what he is supposed to have done and has no idea at all what oral sex is.

OP posts:
Original poster
modreduk · 25/02/2015 07:43

The girl involved is also denying everything.

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 25/02/2015 07:44

Who "saw" this happen then? Who reported it?

Hakluyt · 25/02/2015 07:44

What does he actually say?

hippoinamudhole · 25/02/2015 07:46

What makes them say it happened? Did someone see them?

GratefulHead · 25/02/2015 07:47

Oh dear lord you poor thing, how awful.

I think the school are in a difficult place here, they have to investigate it but one would hope that they also investigate the child who made the allegation. What did he/she see? How did he/she know this is what he/she was witnessing?

The possibility is that this is a child who has witnessed stuff elsewhere and is playing it out at school. Or your child and another child were play experimenting (unlikely) as this CAN happen but would be rare unless one of them is living with abuse. Given what you have said about your DS I think you can safely rule that one out.

I don't blame you for pulling him out until this is sorted, I would be doing exactly the same.

Original poster
modreduk · 25/02/2015 07:47

From my understanding a teacher overheard another child saying they saw it happen and took it up themself. DS says he didn't do anything like that, that's disgusting. He was playing a game with the girl and 3 other people.

OP posts:
Ledkr · 25/02/2015 07:48

I'm concerned that your overriding emotion is "fury" rather than concern as to what has actually happened.

Original poster
modreduk · 25/02/2015 07:49

I am pretty sure DS has never been exposed to anything like that. Our internet access is locked down as tight as a drum (the children get access only to a handful of approved websites, easier than risking a filter letting something through) and they don't tend to mix with anyone except one other family outside school who we trust.

OP posts:
Original poster
modreduk · 25/02/2015 07:50

I am furious because the child who has 'seen' this incident is a known trouble maker and the school are taking this so seriously.

OP posts:
Ledkr · 25/02/2015 07:51

The police and Ss will be able to speak to the children in an appropriate way to determine where this all came from and why.
I'd want the school to follow the proper procedure rather than let the gossips carry on.

PotteringAlong · 25/02/2015 07:53

But that doesn't mean it didn't happen. And the teacher didn't "take it upon herself" to report it - they are duty bound over any child protection issues to do so. Would you rather they just ignored it?

MrsKCastle · 25/02/2015 07:53

It sounds like you need another meeting with the school to clarify things. They shouldn't be talking about the police unless they are pretty sure this happened, and they should have spoken to all the children involved to establish the facts. Did they listen to your DS's side of the story? Has he explained what game it was playing? If it was something where he was ducking down behind a wall, it is possible that it could have been misinterpreted by the child who saw them.

MinceSpy · 25/02/2015 07:54

Have you considered that your child may be the victim here? The school need to follow safeguarding procedures and both your son and this girl need to be spoken to by specialist police officers.

Ledkr · 25/02/2015 07:55

If it has happened though he wil need someone to speak to as will the other child.
If it hasn't, then the "trouble maker" boy should be referred to find out why he's saying such things.
How much investigation did the school do before they decided it was true.
To be honest, if I weas you if want social services informed and Id do it myself.

bloodyteenagers · 25/02/2015 07:57

They have to investigate.
Doesn't matter if the conversation was overheard by a known trouble maker.
If the school sat back and did nothing the repercussions would be vast especially if there was some truth in it.

Ledkr · 25/02/2015 07:57

And the school don't "call the police" they need to implement their child protection procedures immediately and refer to the local safeguarding team who will involve the police if they think it necessary.
This isn't a criminal incident it's a child protection one!

MrsKCastle · 25/02/2015 07:59

Just wondering- when the school talk about 'due process' do they mean to establish what happened? They may feel it's best if the 'witness' and the 2 children involved speak to an expert so they can be sure they've got the truth. Or are they acting as though they already have the truth?

bloodyteenagers · 25/02/2015 07:59

As for the school speaking to the children.
If they are following their safe guarding procedures there are very limited questions that can be asked. The hard questions have to come from police/ss because if it did happen someone could claim the school has coached them.

Ledkr · 25/02/2015 08:01

As I said. Far from be annoyed I would absolutely INSIST that correct procedure is followed for all concerneds welfare.

Original poster
modreduk · 25/02/2015 08:08

We have a meeting with the school this morning as I want to know some details. I am more than happy to talk to the police and nearly rang them last night myself. I would not be quite so angry had the school made it seem like DS was anything other than the protagonist, in a situation that is denied be all parties except the one who allegedly saw it. I think it is perfectly natural to be angry over a false allegation. From everything I have heard, there is no evidence at all that anything actually took place.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 25/02/2015 08:19

I understand your rage but try and calm down about it. There may be a child protection issue here even if it's not in the way it's started out. The child you're so mad with might be asking for help.

AuntieStella · 25/02/2015 08:19

If your DS was playing with 3 other children at the time of the incident, then it should be easy to establish that it never happened, especially as the other (alleged) direct participant denies it too.

With an allegation of this type, then yes careful investigation is required (to maximise the chances of a child feeling safe enough to describe what is really happening). But if your DS (and possibly the other pupil) have straightforward alibis, then the focus of investigation needs to change.

And if it hasn't, I'd be furious too.

LIZS · 25/02/2015 08:29

I'm surprised that it was felt appropriate for your ds to be at the meeting . In these circumstances it is important to not allow anyone's story to be influenced. Read the safeguarding policy on the schools website and insist it is followed. The school will have a member of staff responsible for managing this and should in turn notify child services at LA. Agree there may be issues surrounding the other children to which you may not be privy which could trigger an alert to such allegations.

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