What can I expect from a social services visit?

[MummySparkle]

They are coming tomorrow. It's all my fault and I'm petrified :(

They will be carrying out an initial assessment. This will involve asking questions on your current situation/life in general and also discussing the incident as to why you were referred in the first place.

They may well go away and carry out their own investigation into the circumstances eg contacting school, HV and so on.

Then they will decide what, if any further action is required.

I had several visits when the police flagged up that I was I an abusive relationship. I found my social worker to be supportive and understanding but ultimately firm and clear about what needed to happen.

Just be open and honest and engage with the help they are offering you.

I squeezed my DS too hard when changing his nappy and lefts few small bruises on him. I feel so so terribly guilty. I am an absolute monster

Okay, calm down. And breathe. How much support do you have? Were you rough/exasperated or does he bruise easily? You are not a monster unless it is calculated violence happening all the time...if you grabbed his leg roughly because he wouldn't stop wriggling and left finger marks then no, it ain't grand but it doesn't make you Myra Hindley. Am not minimising, am trying to understand. In terms of your home, is it safe and is it hygienic. Do you have toys, books, bedding, food? Red flags - no bed/broken furniture/bare mattress/no ingredients to make a meal/too tidy as in not played in/too messy as in dangerous.
Do you want to talk about what happened? How did you end up with a referral?

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I messaged my family support worker on Friday because I was scared that I might hurt the DCs. I have PND and it's been a really bad week in my head. I've had thoughts of hurting them, and that makes me feel hideous. They are my babies and I love them to the end of the universe and back. I hage that the thoughts come into my head, because all I want to do is protect them. I don't ever want to hurt them.

She didn't pick up the message until this morning, and called me. I felt so horrendously guilty that I told her. Which was a pretty dumb thing to do.

DS has a series of little bruises on his arm and legs where I grabbed at him and the squeezed when he tried to wriggle off. I was late for an appointment and he was trying to climb all over the furniture with a pooey bum. It's no excuse

So now SS are coming.
House is cleanish, tidyish, mostly hygenic. We moved in 3 weeks aGo so we're still in the process of unpacking. DD's cot was flatpacked, but I've just put it up. Hey are coming at 2, so I need to do more tidying / cleaning in the morning.

What have I done?

Are you engaging with any MH professionals? - as you need support with the PND. I would imagine they will ask you about this, also about any meds you are on.

Hopefully the visit will open up some support for you and your dc.

You are not a monster. Keep talking to us xx

I'm engaging with the MH professionals that I can get hold of. I have input from MIMHS, but my next appointment isn't for a few weeks. I'm still waiting on referrals to come through since the house move.

I've been going to a children's cenfre PND support group, which is one of the things I look forward to each week.

I'm just utterly burnt out

I feel your pain. I think now those wheels are in motion and given that you sought them, noone referred you, that you try and use it positively and get them to help you and access services for you so you feel less alone and less burnt out.
Re the bruising I think you need to tell them what you said here...that you were stopping a pooey child running amok so held tight to stop them wriggling. You need them to get you some practical help, does surestart still exist?
You might need to consider antidepressants if not on any meds.
You will be asked whether you have thoughts of harming your children. (If referred by your support worker then they will know you are afraid of this) they will be trying to ascertain whether you have acted on these thoughts or whether the situation was as you describe: running late, pooey baby, too much restraint. I hope some sw on here can advise/help further. I hope it goes well and your honesty/self recrimination gets you some practical help and hand holding and not judgement. Let us know how it went Xxx
..

Very often people will have terrible thoughts because their brain is picking the worse possible thing to them to focus on.

You have pnd, your brain could very well be in self destruct mode. I'm sure hurting your children is the last thing you want to do, that's why your so petrified of it. People that really hurt their children im sure must just be numb to the fact.

They're going to support you and make sure that your kids are safe, this is ultimately the most important ththing.

Stay calm. You just moved house - major stress, give yourself a break.

I'm on meds, but I haven't been very good at taking them this week. No think I missed 2 doses, hence Friday being such a bad day. (I also managed to back my car into a wall because I was so stressed)

My brain has been playing horrible tricks on me. I've been starting to see flashing lights again, and I've been having crazy vivid dreams every night for the past few weeks. I'm paranoid about everything.

Unfortunately our house is freezing. Somebody stole all of the oil from our tank over the weekend so we have no heating until the oil delivery tomorrow :( that's not going to look good :(

One of my friends came around this morning and was an absolute star. Our house now has been transformed and I feel calmer. 1 hour to go :/

hang on in there mummysparkle

I am sure they will be supportive because you are asking for help. Hope it goes well

Hope all goes well x

Hope you are ok. They will be able to see you love your children. they aren't evil monsters, they are people too. I hope they give you the help You need.

They've just gone. I think it went okay. I thought they were going to strip the children and make us explain every single little mark. (Mostly toddler being a toddler) but actually she just talked to us. She's going to arrange for a social work assistant to come and see me once a week, spend some time with the kids while I get things done (I think - she spoke very fast and I didn't understand everything)

But on the whole good. DS has gone back to Nana's tonight (MIL) so that I can have a bit more rest. Hopefully things will look a bit brighter tomorrow :/

Good. I'm glad it went well. SS may pay for nursery sessions for your dc to give you a break too.

I think DS is entitled to a free place as our income has recently gone down. I need to sit down with OH's work diary and do some maths. He is self employed and I do all of the paperwork side. Another big task that I'm very behind on :/

I love them so so much. They are the most precious things in my life. I really detest myself at the moment.

Tomorrow is a new day though. I'm going to make the most of a quiet-ish morning without DS and properly sort out DD's bedroom. And hopefully catch up on some laundry too. And I guess some paperwork-y bits would be useful to know where we're at. I need to give tax credits a call to.

My life feels like a never-ending to-do list. All I want to do is curl up for a few days and rest. But I know if I did, my to do list would be unmanageable by the time I'm feeling better. Just got to battle through.

Thank you everyone for reading and replying. It means a lot x

Hi Sparkle
I thought of you today. I am glad they are going to send you support/hopefully respite once a week. It is natural to feel overwhelmed you know. It is bloody hard and doesn't stop. Have a and I hope things look brighter soon. Xx

Hope you're okay, MummySparkle.

I have done this too. I still feel sick and guilty, I think I probably was quite at the time.

You can do this x

I don't think I ever left a bruise but I remember being rough with Dd during nappy changes when she was a toddler - I used to get so angry and frustrated. It makes me so sad now to look back as I think I had some PND and didn't realise, poor dd I have only started to recognise what a hard time I was having since having dc2, I feel so different - he wriggles and fights me at every nappy change but I just laugh and get on with it. You are brave admitting that you aren't coping OP, hope you get some good help xx

Thank you everyone. DS came home from MIL's today. I saw his bruises for the first time since Sunday. I feel sick. I am a disgusting monster.

Sorry, posted too soon. I'm scared to change / dress him. I love him and it's eating me up inside. He's my pfb

Arnica ointment/cream will help with his bruises. You are not a monster. If you were a monster you would not be upset when you saw his bruises, you would not be feeling rubbish or seeking help. You care and that is why you feel guilty