Baby whisperer, is she right?!

[Naomip88]

hello! I have a three week old dd and since I started to notice she was constantly wanting to be fed and doesn't like being put down in her co sleeper cot or Moses basket I decided to read the baby whisperer book on a friends recommendation and I am now feeling confused and like I'm already getting it wrong! We have had various b feeding issues and it's been a struggle to ebf ( I'm feeding via a mixture of expressing and currently trying to wean off nipple shields) . But now to add to the mix I'm worried that we're already using 'accidental parenting'! I have no idea how my dd fits in her baby type system and feel bad because she sometimes sleeps in our bed, she's feeding on demand ( which doesn't fit with the easy routine) and I feed her to sleep or let her fall asleep ( or dance her to music as she seems to love that!) in our arms because it's the only way she'll settle.i had assumed getting her into good habits and a routine could wait till the 2 month mark but this has made me feel already failing. What have been your experiences with this book?

Rip up the book and enjoy your tiny baby. In my experience bf babies cannot be put in such a strict routine at such an early age.

Throw it in the bin. Baby whisperer is one big guilt trip and it's rubbish. You sound like you're doing beautifully well.

Go with the flow. All babies are different and what works for one won't necessarily work for another! Do what works for you and your baby.

I used the baby whisperer and it worked for my DD.

It doesn't work for everyone, but establishing a routine as she said worked and DD slept through very early.

I started when DD was about 3 months. Learning how to recognise habit feeding and crying as opposed to really needing food and being tired made a big difference to us and DD. She learned to self settle after a week of following the advice.

DH shared in the program which also helped me get some rest. At nights I fed DD with a bottle without the light on and popped her straight back in the cot and didn't fuss her so she was effectively half asleep anyway and settled back quite easily. Learning the "wup wup" noise did not mean distress and stopping myself picking her up (and thus waking her completely) was the real revelation for me.

It was hard though - because my instinct was to pick her up!!!!

Agree with everything that's already been said. It makes good fire fodder!

You can get so involved with the books and the routines that you no longer enjoy being a mum or having that gorgeous baby. Just find your own routine. Find what suits you because every child and family are different.

Forget about accidental parenting, think about it as instinctive parenting. Just do what works until at least 3 months, between 3-6 months you can start gently moving towards a routine if you want to.

If you want to breastfeed then definitely ignore BW advice - most of the stuff she suggests will undermine successful breastfeeding.

I've read quite a few reviews saying that Baby Whisperer doesn't work for breastfed babies. I wasn't able to get on with it at all, although a couple of friends had recommended it (not sure whether they bottle fed though). Your DD is still very small - I'd be led by her as much as possible, and the routine will come in time!

Oh thank goodness. It's reassuring to know I should be following my instincts!

Her routines all rely on babies going 3-4 hours between feeds, and I'd say 80% of breastfed babies just don't manage that under 6 months.

See if reading baby books was helpful surely it wouldn't make new mums feel bad or guilty. I wouldn't bother doing any sort of routine etc until at least 2 months as your instincts were correctly telling you. I started to sort of shhh pat my first baby to sleep around 3 months at my HV's recommendation. With DC2 I started doing the same around 6 weeks and it was utterly pointless and I just made myself feel stressed, should have left it til 3 months again as it worked much better then. All mine have been sshh patted to sleep at the start with some pick up put down if necessary and I think those techniques are from the Baby whisperer book initially? However not much use before 3 months and BF babies need feeding on demand to sort your supply out, v important if you've been using shields.

I used another well known (and well hated on mn!) routine book and it worked wonders for our family (ebf) and in my opinion these books are there if you want them, and if a routine will help you. If you feel stressed or worried about following them than absolutely don't. They are by no means one size fits all. It annoys me when people just completely criticise them as they can be a life saver, but equally they can be negative. Just do what is right for you and your baby, follow your instincts.

Before DD1 was born I read a range of baby books. They all say different things. Therefore if you follow one you are ignoring another one. On that basis you might as well do what you want and ignore the book you happen to have.

If you really want a book to follow, I think you could do with one that takes a more attacent parenting approach as that sounds closer to what you are doing. The Sears and Sears Baby Book might suit you better.

That should read attachment parenting.

Babies don't read baby books. Enjoy your lovely baby and worry about your style way into the future. :)

I did BW with ds1 but they have to be (if memory serves as ds1 is now almost 12) about 4 months old. It worked for us as I was returning to work when ds1 was 10 months and putting ds1 into a nursery so I couldn't have him needing to be rocked to sleep, or fed to sleep etc.

I read the book in conjunction with the BW tv programme.

When I had ds2 just 3 years later, I couldn't do the routine (not schedule, routine) as I had to take ds1 to preschool. Ds2 napped in the pram.

Roll on 2 months and ds2 developed severe reflux (under paediatrician) so slept on me, upright for a year in the day and was half asleep when we put him to bed at night in his propped up cot.

I did whatever I needed to do to cope with a baby needing to be pretty much upright, sling, co-slept propped up, everything I didn't do with ds1. They are both very happy children.

Do what you feel is the best at the time. We have gut feelings for a reason. I let ds2 sleep on me (I am a SAHM) until I felt it was time to try to get him to sleep on his own (he was over 12 months old) everyone said rod for your own back, I cracked it in 3 days. I did use BW pick up put down but more of a put down. He slept fine.

It is normal to feel like a crap Mum in all areas. Listen to your gut and those that support you no matter what way you parent.

A lot changes in a month. I have spoken to some parents who are struggling with getting baby to sleep without rocking, feeding etc and I do think being aware of the crutches can be helpful, however at the stage you are at I'd go with what works and maybe reassess and baby is 6 wks.

This book made me terribly anxious and I got rid.

She made up the "problem" to sell her "solution". Remember that.

Best thing my dr told me at my six week check was to burn all of the baby books.

...talking about under 3 months.

Older babies might feed at night out of habit. Not tinies though! Remember some have to be woken and fed! So hunger at this stage just isn't habit.
That kind of thing is after weaning when the stomach and gut are bigger.

I read her books and found her to be so utterly, infuriatingly SMUG. One anecdote she gave in her book is of sitting in a GP waiting room and a mum was noticing her baby was working up to a cry. She fussed over her baby, offering toys and whatnot so Baby Whisperer lady said she went over to this mum and 'introduced herself' (presumably as "oh hi, I'm Baby Whisper and I'm about to put you in your place by telling you I know your baby better than you do..." and proceeded to tell the mother that her baby needed to sleep and what she should do. She did not go on to say this poor mum lamped her, so I guess she was more polite than to do this, or come back with a 'Fuck Off, thank you'.

In another charming anecdote, BW says she was called in as aconsultant with one family and the baby starting to cry. BW said she took notice of the ambient temperature, any sounds around, sniffed the air for any strong odours which can upset a baby, whether the baby is perhaps comfortable, warm enough, where there any bright lights upsetting the child. She then asked "when was the baby last fed" and sure enough, infant was hungry. Well fuck me, I'd have asked that question BEFORE checking for noises or strong odours.

So I used her books to prop up the mattress in DS's cot when he had reflux, so I did get some use out of them.

Honestly, the EASY routine is a pile of poo. What do you do when your baby wakes up after 15 minutes into it's 45 minute nap? it throws everything out and you can't feed on waking as it's too soon.

You will fall into a pattern with your baby. It just happens. And they can also learn to fall asleep without any parenting gurus. No one is rocking their ten year old to sleep.

Remember that the authors of these books are less interested in helping you and your baby and MORE interested in being the leader of a new method of parenting and becoming a household name. Take note of the titles they give their books - all exaggerate their ability to help you soothe, settle, control your baby. Never mind that a 0-3 month old is a chaotic little creature that has no routine nor can it build one yet.

Follow your own method or alternatively read ALL the books to get a fuller picture.

I recycled her book rather than send it to charity it was that bad.

Her bf advice is shocking. And her accidental parenting stuff is guilt trip overload.

You can establish routine of you want, but much easier to establish a routine based around your own baby rather than one picked for them! At 6-8 weeks I started noticing when DS had his longest sleep period (8-11) so started doing bath/sleepsuit change/bed before then. It slowly became bedtime over time. I still feed DS whenever he wants in the night etc and he's 6 months and FF, but he does go in his cot at bedtime and sleeps when not feeding, but this took time as he developed. I have no plans to sleep train because I don't think he feeds for 'habit', he guzzles so much milk at night feeds, so I want to try and go by instinct for everything. It's up to you what you can cope with, but imposing a routine on a young baby could well be far more stressful than just going with the flow.

This is all great stuff! I have a 4 month old DS and my bw "routine" has gone out of the window as I ebf he's waking all the through the night again and I've thought I was doing the wrong thing by feeding him! Although I have to feed him to sleep so hopefully he'll grow out of that..? Do all bf babies get fed to sleep? Mine seems to love it!

Best thing I ever read at that stage was "The Fourth a Trimester". I would link to it but on iPad and never have worked out how to do it on here! If you google it you'll find it.
A pattern will emerge when your baby is ready for it. Then a few weeks or months later it will change again! Babies change so much in a year, their needs change do the routine does too. I spent ages worrying about the routine, it stressed me out. When I stopped, everything was calmer and the routine appeared on its own.
Congratulations on your newborn!

I've not looked at BW but have been trying to follow Gina Ford and having spoke to friends with babies routines seem to only work for FF babies with no reflux, allergies etc. my BF baby is 8 weeks old and there is no way she is ready for a routine. I try do bath and get to bed at the same time each night but bar that we just try survive each day! I think when she's 6 months I'll try a routine again but for now I just want to get through the day as best I can! just sack the book off and read the Mail Online instead