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Parenting

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Original poster

when to have baby no.2?

31 replies

ch1134 · 19/02/2015 21:19

Just before or after ds 2nd birthday?

I am in my early 30s, would want 3 or 4 children eventually.

I am so so broody for no.2, but only just stopped breastfeeding no.1, and haven't found time for exercise, so am weak and skinny...

I work, and am desperate to stop that and get on with growing my family, but aware that childcare for 2 x under-3s is hard. I will need to keep my career going, but will definitely take a year's ML next time.

I know it may not happen straight away, but it could!

My head says wait, a bigger age gap is more sensible, and my body could do with a rest.

My heart says I want another baby!
My husband supports me either way!

Thoughts? Thanks

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ROARmeow · 19/02/2015 22:00

I have exactly 2.5 years between mine. I sometimes wish I'd have a smaller age gap (probably 2 years), but I never wish I'd had a bigger gap.

There's no perfect age gap, and if you and your DH are keen then I'd say GO FOR IT! Your body can rest once your babymaking years are finished

Shedding · 19/02/2015 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb · 19/02/2015 22:04

I have 19 months, perfect for me :) they are now 2 and 3, childcare is costly but DD starts school in September so ill be able to buy myself treats again :)

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SweetSorrow · 19/02/2015 22:08

2 years 10 months between my two. Wish I'd had a smaller gap

Original poster

ch1134 · 19/02/2015 22:14

Wow, thanks for the replies. I honestly expected everyone to say the opposite! Exciting!

OP posts:

Katekoom · 19/02/2015 22:32

Im asking myself the same question. My career is quite important to me, but i want them off to school at similar times. Totally exhausted with dd who is only 6 weeks - but took over 4 years to conceive. Not sure my mental state could handle it for a few years yet.

MrsBojingles · 19/02/2015 22:37

I'm asking the same question, so watching with interest!

Beaglebaby · 20/02/2015 23:45

Mine will be 20 months apart which I'm really excited about.

Littlebagoflaughter · 21/02/2015 11:34

I've got 18months between my two, I was still breastfeeding when we started TTC so hadn't expected to get pregnant quite so quickly! I thought it would be fun for them to be close in age so that they can do the same sort of activities. Also we want to look into adoption so it made sense to not have a huge gap. So far it's been great and not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. You can spend hours thinking it through but I say go with your heart :)

clarad · 21/02/2015 11:55

Age difference between my two is 2 years and a few days short of 8 months. So I was pregnant just before DD1's second birthday. I'm happy with the age gap personally.

Mrscog · 21/02/2015 13:13

A different perspective - I'm currently pg with DC2, the age gap will be just over 3 years. DC1 was a wonderful experience until 14 months, when he became seriously hard hard work. I'd dropped to part time hours, and then I found him so hard that I increased back to full time! There was a year between 18 months and about 2 years 3/4 months where I was scared to spend a whole day with him as I ended up sobbing by 3pm. All completely normal toddler behaviour, but I was just not cut out for days and days of 'get down, stop that, don't hit, no don't hit', it took an hour to get him dressed every day, every nappy change was a 15 minute fight. If we went out to the supermarket he'd scream in the trolley or run off if he was free, the same at groups - would just run off and do dangerous/inappropriate things. It was not a good time for me, although I obviously still loved him to bits, and I'm sure there were some happy moments! When he was 9 months it would have been so so easy to have gone for the 18 month gap, but I shudder to think what it would have done to my mental health if we had. As it's happened every month since 2.3 he's got slightly better, and now at 2.11 he's a delight, but I breath a sigh of relief every day that we didn't go for the smaller gap.

HoggleHoggle · 21/02/2015 13:23

Also watching with interest, ds is 14 months (mrscog I am seeing similarities with what you describe, although ds has always been a forceful personality he's ramped it up a notch - has started biting me when he doesn't get his own way )

In my head I think I'm aiming for about 2.5 years...we have to decide whether we're moving first or staying put and that will affect our plans re gap.

Iloveonionchutney · 21/02/2015 13:31

We started trying for no2 when dd turned 3, it's taken us a while so dd will be 5 about a month after new babies arrival. But I wanted her to be in school so d have that time with the new baby and I have medical issues so needed a good break.

FatSwan · 21/02/2015 13:52

I'm past the 2-2.5 year mark for DC2, but I'm watching this with interest. I do want another, but have so much I need to sort out. Sometimes I'm worried I've missed the boat...

Mrscog · 21/02/2015 15:32

hoggle it came as quite a surprise after a very placid easily pleased baby! I felt like the parent with the 'naughtiest' toddler on the block for a very long time, however he is very lovely now :) (obviously there will be another bad phase at some point, and I am expecting some regression with DS2 arrives in April, but still I feel like I've really earned this nice spell of behaviour :D )

Artandco · 21/02/2015 15:35

We have a 15 month gap. Was still breastfeeding ds1 so ds2 was earlier than expecting. I love it.

Now they are almost 4 and 5. They are best friends

FixItUpChappie · 21/02/2015 15:50

My boys are 2.4yrs apart. I love it - it's a lot of work having a 2 year old and a new baby BUT now at 4 and 2 they are so close. They play together, laugh and sometimes act like a pair of drunken loons - it's a really lovely relationship. if I was to have another I'd want one just as close in age if not closer.

SaltySeaBird · 21/02/2015 16:06

I'm worried I've missed my chance as I desperately wanted two under two, I think a small age gap is ideal. Sadly an inability to get pregnant naturally combined with miscarriages means the age gap is ever increasing and will be three and a half years if I fell miraculously pregnant tonight. In reality it will be nearer four years by the time we've had more treatment, if all goes well.

Say nice things about bigger age gaps too people!

kaymondo · 21/02/2015 16:39

I have 2.2 years between my dc, they are really close - hard work but totally worth it. I would have liked a similar gap before ttc no 3 but after 2 big babies and 2 sections was advised to wait a bit longer. Ds2 is now 2.5 and I'd like to start ttc now as every day that gap is widening.

HoggleHoggle · 21/02/2015 16:41

mrscog it's good to hear they can grow out if it! Congrats on your impending arrival

Mrscog · 21/02/2015 17:33

Salty seabird, I've seen loads of good stuff about bigger gaps - basically most people like the gap they have, all for different reasons.

Umbrelladilemma · 21/02/2015 19:34

Just to add the other perspective - we have a 3.5yr age gap and for me it's been perfect although originally I'd hoped for a smaller gap. DC are now 7 and 3. They were both rather "challenging" between 1-3yrs, not even always naughty it just very adventurous and physically demanding. So I'm pleased DD was through this by the time I had DS. Practically speaking it helped that DD was reasonably independent so could, for example, take herself to the toilet unaided when I was feeding DS etc. She was fantastic with DS as a baby and they still have a wonderful relationship now. The only downside I've experienced so far is that they sometimes have different interests and it can be hard to find activities that appeal to both equally. My friend with 2 DD just over a year apart doesn't have this problem and her girls do everything together. However, this could still happen with children close in age of different sexes or different personalities.

Alanna1 · 21/02/2015 22:29

I think you can overplan these things. But if you want 4 kids and you are in your "early 30s", hadn't you better crack on?! I have a gap of just under 17m. The first c.6 months with two DC under 2 was really hard. Really, really hard. I paid for a lot of help and some of my hair went grey. Now, however, it is great. All the things I hoped for and more - they play together, their clothes are interchangeable, they hug and fight and then hug again, they do the same activities (sometimes succesively in timings from my choice but the same classes and then the other one sits with me and has 1:1 time), they show each other their books - they like the same stories! Etc. And I dye my hair.

Original poster

ch1134 · 21/02/2015 22:46

Exactly! In my early 30s... better crack on! That's basically it, isn't it!

OP posts:

Shedding · 21/02/2015 23:09

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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