Is it wrong to ignore screaming baby in playpen?

[weebigmamma]

He's had his breakfast and now everyone else needs to get theirs. He screams in his chair, the jumperoo and the playpen. He wants to get out and crawl about in the kitchen b ut it's too dangerous. He is safe in the playpen so I have left him there screaming for 10 minutes and I'm ignoring him because engaging makes it worse. Just want someone to tell me that this is OK! Everyone has gone upstairs to eat because he's being so loud.

Blimey OP - there's no need for your recent posts.

Yeah, it's hard work, yeah, there's other stuff going on, but you asked, were, predominantly, given helpful responses (even by those who didn't think it was ok), and now you're snapping others' heads off. That's not very nice.

Good riddance.

I'm definitely judging you now.

OP, I'm totally with you. I have twins. I had no option but to leave them to scream. I never ate with a baby on my lap (and actually found it pretty irritating when we invited friends round and they insisted on doing so) and never let mine crawl around the kitchen. I had stair gates on the kitchen door and prepped food many a time with a screaming toddler glaring at me through the gate. They're 8 now and seem to be perfectly fine, despite my neglect

Sometimes posters need to realise that when someone asks for reassurance about something pretty minor, they are not asking for a flaming.

I hope your day has improved.

You need to accept responsibility for your own feelings instead of trying to blame others.

You asked a question, people answered. It was no one's job to tell you what you were doing is cool, just to give their view, as you asked.
It is not sycophant net you know.

it's hardly sycophancy to expect not to be called 'mean' and lazy for asking a q. i wasn't asking for all positive answers as i've explained. bunch of bullies on here,

why don't all of you who feel offended by being called judgemental 'take responsibility for your own feelings'? Did you expect me to be delighted to be called mean? I was struggling this morning, that's all. Fuck you.

Could you take a travel cot into the kitchen with some toys for him? My little boy is also in that clingy but into everything phase and it's a good way to keep him safe. Hopefully this phase will pass soon!

You have completely over reacted.

I think shh works quite well

Certainly politer than what I want to say

Once again, you bit my (and others) heads off for suggesting you eat together.

We aren't fucking mind readers, how are we to know that a. You do that all the time anyway and b. It would turn you into the hulk

If I need to be specific (and I have now said several times that my problem was only with those being judgemental), the following commenters are the ones who should fuck off. Those who wrote:

‘I assume he isn't still in there now while you are on mumsnet?’
‘It's wrong. Very wrong. But you know that or you wouldn't be posting on here.’
‘it sounds incredibly mean and hurtful’

But as I have overeacted, can'tr responsibility for my own feelings, am snapping everyone head's off, and I want everyone to be a sychophant, I will now fuck off. Ta.

Slithy- actually you are overeacting here, not me. You assumed that as your post was the last I'd read before I went off on one that it was you I was targetting. Actually, contrary to what some believe, I haven't been on mumsnet all morning. I logged on hoping to pick up some advice and read a load of nastiness in among the good advice (which I did actually thank people for) and then I told everyone else to fuck off. Your comment about eating together was one of several, and I'm sorry if you didn't read the other posts, but I did. I know it is better for my baby not to be alone and crying and that it is better for him to be eating with us, I'm not stupid, and yes, the number of posts suggesting 'why don't you all eat together' did become annoying as they mounted up. I'm sorry that your post was the last one of that list. But seriously, this is not all aimed at you.

Yes you're not a mind reader. This is why we assume that people actually aren't bad parents and that if they ask 'is it OK to leave my kid crying for a bit' that actually it doesn't happen very often. I feel like a lot of people here (again: NOT EVERYONE) have assumed that I'm a crap lazy parent, and actually some of them have been pretty blatent about that. I won't apologise for defending myself, and I'm sorry that appears to be an overreaction.

This isn't AIBU. It's a parenting thread where frankly if you can't ask for help or share your fears of doing something wrong without being judged something is broken on Mumsnet.

Hey, I think you are reading a lot into what people wrote. Three comments out of the swathe of responses you received have upset you and you've chosen to focus on them.

It wasn't clear to me whether you did this every morning or just once but either way, it's not a choice I'd have made (but I'm a bit of a parenting pushover - just ask my toddler).

You said your family all abandoned ship to eat upstairs. Did they say something harsh and unwarranted about your choice before you logged on here?

It seems like a really strong reaction to a very few 'off' comments and I wonder if there is someone you can leave your toddler/other children with and fuck off for a wine/gossip with some real life people today? Sounds like you need a break (and a gin - a really strong gin).

I wasn't judging you I just wouldn't choose to leave my baby crying for ten minutes in a playpen. If that's middle class or whatever the insult was then so be it.

Because of your childish outburst I have now judged you but for very different reasons.

If my baby cries I like to pick him up and comfort him. The other day meant buttering my toast with one hand which wasn't easy but we all make choices and if youre so confident with yours then why come on here for reassurance.

Have a nice day

"I've enjoyed Mumsnet up to now. I've found it helpful and (I thought) people were friendly. I have even recommended it to lots of new mums and told them it was a nonjudgemental place[...]"

Oh dear god, no! Mumsnet is the most judgemental place ever. There is good advice to be had here, and the majority are nice normal posters. But there are people who only come here to be self righteous and go away feeling better having told other people off. The knee jerkers, the pfb pearl-clutchers, the grumpy "I've been a mum for 85 years and can't be arsed to hear about your weaning issues" types, the trolls, the stirrers, the reporters (I'm telling on yooou!) and the downright bastards (there are a few) who like to kick people when they're down.

Think yourself lucky, at least your spelling is good and you didn't stir the grammar nazis!

I'm trying to remember what I did, when the last one was this age. I would have had a 6yo, 5yo, 2yo and a baby.

They would have all gotten fed together, baby in highchair with toast or something to keep him happy, I would have a cuppa and breakfast on the move so to speak, he would of them mooched around the living room whilst I got the others ready. I had a staircase across the dining room/kitchen door as I had cat food/cat litter in a kitchen cupboard and I didn't want him in at that. I a
So had a travel cot to place him in as a place of safety if I needed to go out the room. If he cried I would lift him out.

You've just got to find a routine that works for your family.

Oh op I'd have done the same
hot no time for this "taking twice as long to do everything with a baby on the hip dangling a rattle in my mouth whilst humming the theme time to Thomas the tank" lark. This fear of babies crying ever gets ridiculous. plonk them down and do what you need to do knowing he's safe. With other kids you have to accept babies aren't going to get everything the deck d they make a sound.

your fine

second

Not wrong, no. It would be worse if baby had hot porridge or tea spilt on it. Sometimes you have to attend to other things, and 10 mins won't hurt. as it sounds like you're having a stressful day.