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Parenting

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Original poster

Is it wrong to ignore screaming baby in playpen?

82 replies

weebigmamma · 18/02/2015 07:59

He's had his breakfast and now everyone else needs to get theirs. He screams in his chair, the jumperoo and the playpen. He wants to get out and crawl about in the kitchen b ut it's too dangerous. He is safe in the playpen so I have left him there screaming for 10 minutes and I'm ignoring him because engaging makes it worse. Just want someone to tell me that this is OK! Everyone has gone upstairs to eat because he's being so loud.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

moomin35 · 18/02/2015 11:52

I realise you need to eat yourself but it sounds incredibly mean and hurtful so no I personally wouldn't.

PurpleStripedSock · 18/02/2015 12:15

I'd have let mine crawl around the dangerous kitchen or put the playpen in the kitchen if there was space. Failing that it'd be high chair or a sling. I was never comfortable with leaving a baby screaming alone when they wanted to be with/near you.

That's my cross/baby to bear though. You do what you need to do.

NutellaLawson · 18/02/2015 12:26

Mine went through this phase. I just carried him around with me and if I needed both hands free I put him in a baby carrier (ergo) on my back.

I once let him cry in his cot when I putting dc1 (toddler) to bed as he woke up in the middle of me sorting dc1 out but he got into such a state I now take him with me. He sits on my lap while I read dc1 stories.

This clingy phase will pass. Truly it will. Dc2 is now able to amuse himself for short periods without panicking he can't see me or needing to be held all the time.

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NutellaLawson · 18/02/2015 12:35

Actually why does he need to eat separately? If he screams in his high chair and he screams in his play pen, why choose the play pen? Why not serve up breakfast for everyone and give your baby food to amuse him. He'll be part of the family more. We never feed separately. And I credit this with our toddler being able to competently use cutlery from a relatively young age (according to his nursery). He watched us eat from weaning age. It's the washing up phase that is the tricky one for us.

Mrsteddyruxpin · 18/02/2015 12:35

I wouldn't but I chop up fruit and let him munch away on that while we eat or mooch about on the floor. Understand if it's not safe though.

Original poster

weebigmamma · 18/02/2015 12:45

LOL thanks to all the non judgemental comments and for the good suggestions. I do appreciate that. The rest of you can fuck off. :-)

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Original poster

weebigmamma · 18/02/2015 12:47

And yes, he's 10 months, not ill, not in pain etc. And the kitchen is 'babyproofed' but when you have kettles going and 3 other people charging about plus a cat, it's not safe to let him crawl around it. He's on the kitchen floor now playing with his toys. I hope that satusfies everyone's middle class liberal anxieties about how much I neglect my child 'while I'm on mumsnet'.

OP posts:

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 18/02/2015 12:58

Tbf love, you asked.

Original poster

weebigmamma · 18/02/2015 13:01

Yes, I'll know not to again. I didn't ask to be patronised or judged though, thanks love.

OP posts:

Original poster

weebigmamma · 18/02/2015 13:02

To be clear:

'No I wouldn't. Here's what I would do' = helpful comment.

'You are lazy/hurful/a bad mother' = piss away off and have a parade in honour of your perfect parenting skills why don't you

OP posts:

slithytove · 18/02/2015 13:09

If he is ten months, can't you all eat together?

Good teaching him that meals are social, and I'm sure he can manage a bit of toast in his high chair.

Surely your whole family isn't running about getting breakfast at the same time?

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 18/02/2015 13:10

I would most certainly NOT let a baby crawl round a kitchen. EVER EVER EVER EVER. Nor would I insist that someone had the baby on his lap whilst they ate.

I would and did use a playpen and highchair for when I had to be in the kitchen. BUt then I also bottle fed from birth and put the kids in their own bedroom room from the minute I left hospital. I probably should be excommunicated from Mumsnet.

Thesnowmansnose · 18/02/2015 13:11

really is it too dangerous? what are you scared will happen? so long as you're careful with the kettle (and when did a kettleful of hot water last get dropped) then the worst that can happen is squashed fingers, no?
I'd let him free...

Original poster

weebigmamma · 18/02/2015 13:11

PS to the very many people who want to tell me that it's better for the whole family to eat together. You manage this every day do you- congratulations, you win at being the best parents ever. We manage it a lot. This morning we didn't. It's been a hell of a week so far, but your lovely comments made it that little bit worse. Thanks so much.

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slithytove · 18/02/2015 13:18

Clearly you have a lot bothering you hence your unpleasant responses.

I suggested you eating together because it IS good, and might make your life easier. Not to make you feel bad or imply I'm perfect.

It's been suggested many times because it's a good solution to your
problem WHICH YOU ASKED FOR ADVICE ON.

We HAVE to eat together (me and Ds) or I wouldn't get to eat.

And regardless of your busy morning, if there is more than one of you in the house, I don't see why one of you can't eat with Ds and then spend time with him while the others get their breakfast.

Fwiw (probably nothing since you've shat all over my post) I don't allow Ds free reign in the kitchen either, never have and he is nearly 2.

slithytove · 18/02/2015 13:19

Let's try again.

Where does Ds sit for breakfast and what does he eat, on days like today?

Original poster

weebigmamma · 18/02/2015 13:20

Yeaaahhhh, let's NOT try again. Ever.

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Original poster

weebigmamma · 18/02/2015 13:21

MY unpleasant responses? All I've done is told the people who called me a bad, lazy and cruel parent to fuck off.

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petmyunicorn · 18/02/2015 13:21

Put him in a sling on your back? Then your hands are free, he has a good view of everything and is close to you.

slithytove · 18/02/2015 13:22

Ffs what is your problem?

I didn't tell you you were wrong
Didn't criticise
Made a suggestion to try and help
Tried to help again despite you biting my head off

Nice. You'll get loads of help acting like that I'm sure.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 18/02/2015 13:23

There isn't really a right way, it's all winging it and doing your best imho. Some days leaving them to cry in a safe place for a few minutes while you sort the other kids out is ok. Some days you might be better off just carrying them for a bit, or putting them in a door bouncer or whatever (I know you said you've tried this today)

I think I was lucky, my babies were all gannets! a bit of fruit or a finger of toast would keep them busy while I sorted out everyone else. Can your baby feed themselves a bottle yet? I can't remember when they start to do that (my youngest is nearly 18m) but I used to do that, put them in the bouncy chair with their milk. Still do, in front of peppa pig, it keeps her out of trouble.

Original poster

weebigmamma · 18/02/2015 13:23

Slithy why do you think I'm only talking to you? There are quite a lot of people that I'd like to fuck off.

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slithytove · 18/02/2015 13:23

I said none of those things yet your post ATTACKED me because I dared to suggest you ate as a family.

Apparently this is a "lovely comment" which has made your day worse and means I'm "the best parent ever".

Why not think about how you are coming across to people who are just trying to help.

slithytove · 18/02/2015 13:24

Because I was the last person to suggest you ate with Ds and you then let loose with your diatribe.

Anyway you clearly aren't interested in advice, I wanted to try again and you didn't. Ever.

So I'll leave you to your anger.

Original poster

weebigmamma · 18/02/2015 13:29

I've enjoyed Mumsnet up to now. I've found it helpful and (I thought) people were friendly. I have even recommended it to lots of new mums and told them it was a nonjudgemental place where they'd get a sympathetic ear and good advice. To reiterate: I did ask for advice, but not to be judged. I feel like total crap now thanks to quite a number of people on this thread. I hope you all feel brilliant about yourselves. I won't be visiting mumsnet again, so you win- you get to have your little club for judging other people. I really didn't think it was like that, and I wasn't expecting everyone to think it was wonderful that my baby was screaming this this morning, but I suppose I did expect a little solidarity and perhaps some suggestions other than 'put him in his high chair' (did you read the OP? He was screaming in his chair as well). Anyway, it was nice to have the support when it was support, but I'd rather be alone than have this shite to deal with. Good luck to you all, and sincerely, I am grateful to the people who had suggestions without being judgemental tossers on this thread. If you don't know the difference then it probably means you were one of the tossers.

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