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Original poster

People saying how like her father my daughter looks

38 replies

Tessie22 · 13/02/2015 11:56

Does anyone else find it upsetting if people comment on how like the father their child looks, and completely disregard your contribution? It's more so people who are related to her dad, or his friends, but I find it really upsetting and at times a bit offensive, like they're deliberately ignoring my involvement! I thought I'd get over being hurt by it, but if anything I feel worse.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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kilmuir · 13/02/2015 11:58

really?

AnotherManicMonday · 13/02/2015 12:00

I felt that way when my XP family said it but I think that was because all they wanted me to do was produce the baby then hand her over to them for raising and wanted me to have minimal involvement so XMIL could raise her and they liked to try and push me out and make my contribution to DD seem minimal

ShatnersBassoon · 13/02/2015 12:01

His family can more easily spot the features she has inherited from her father. They don't know your face so well so don't spot those things.

You're being daft. What does it matter?

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NerrSnerr · 13/02/2015 12:01

I'm the opposite, I love it when people tell me my daughter looks like her dad. They're my two favourite people and I love that they look alike.

CliveCussler · 13/02/2015 12:04

I think babies do look more like their dads, but this changes as they get older.

Someone once told me it's a leftover from caveman days so that the dad recognizes the baby as family and doesn't eat it. Complete bollocks of course.

I think you're overanalyzing this completely. Have you had your baby very recently?

26Point2Miles · 13/02/2015 12:07

You are hurt,upset and offended?? There will be more of this to come unless you toughen up a bit!

thatstoast · 13/02/2015 12:10

Doesn't the baby look like his dad/you/your dad/your brother/?

Yes. Smile/nod/ignore.

Original poster
Tessie22 · 13/02/2015 13:35

She's only 3 weeks old, so I'm over sensitive to everything anyway. I suppose part of me just wants to feel like I'm within her too!

OP posts:
strawberryshoes · 13/02/2015 13:40

Its just small talk or something to say. Soon it will be 'is she good?' and 'does she sleep?'

You know really that she is 100% yours and grew inside you until very recently so no one can deminish your input.

At 3 weeks, I think it might be your hormones talking. Have a culpa and a cuddle with your newborn and smile and ignore any comments you don't like

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 13/02/2015 13:50

I find that DH's family comment on how much DD looks like him and my family comment on how much she looks like me! I suppose they can see the resemblance to him as a baby, whereas obviously I didn't know him as a baby.

It irritates me sometimes in a general 'irritating IL's' way, but doesn't hurt or upset me at all. It's natural for them to look for a family resemblance. They still do it at 15 months old. DC2 due in July so expecting it all over again!

annieoaklie · 13/02/2015 13:51

Ah yes, I understand, she is only 3 weeks old. When my PIL came to visit after my DD was born, they brought a photo album of DH when he was a baby to compare. I sat there like the vessel that had just brought them this child! To make up for it though all my friends and family said she looked like me. People see what they know. Congratulations and enjoy your baby.

TongueBiter · 13/02/2015 13:52

Babies are 'supposed' to look like their fathers at this stage. It goes back to caveman days (it might not!) and is so the father knows it IS his child and will stick around around to provide and protect it,

Disclaimer: might be a load of old bollocks, but works for me!

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 13/02/2015 13:54

Ps at 15 months DD is the absolute spitting image of me so I let them have their moment of 'ooh I think she's got DH's little toe' Smile

mumofthemonsters808 · 13/02/2015 14:02

I also think it depends which parent they know, I have people who insist both of mine are the spitting image of me and OH hears the same comments from his friends and relatives about how they resemble him.Sometimes I think people just feel obliged to comment.

flanjabelle · 13/02/2015 16:10

No one could do that with dd because she is my carbon copy. I get comments about how I must have found a way to reproduce alone.. ha ha ha Hmm

Original poster
Tessie22 · 13/02/2015 17:41

Thanks everyone, I know it's probably a bit ridiculous, but needed to vent!

OP posts:
HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 13/02/2015 17:48

tbh, at 3 weeks she probably looks like most babies. They all look much of a muchness at first. Cute. Squishy. Delicious. I bet she smells gorgeous too. So broody. Can you tell? Grin It's just something people say. Oh, doesn't she have your eyes, oh, he's got his daddy's nose...

I used to look after my friend's baby a LOT - this was 20 years ago now. The number of people who would come up to me and say how much like me he looked was amazing. Grin

My own children are now teenagers. One of them is the very double of his dad and the other is the spit of one of his cousins. You couldn't pick me out of a line up as their mother. Grin

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 13/02/2015 17:54

Newborns are ugly anyway, so better they look like their dad than us mums! Wink

Not that mine were obviously. Mine were all perfect despite looking like 70 year old ex boxers

JohnFarleysRuskin · 13/02/2015 18:01

My dcs both look like their dads and not me- so much so that strangers remark upon it. One man once said; 'wow, your son is beautiful, he doesn't look like you'. Thanks fella!

I joke that I was just their incubator And that they have my personality and brains.

Congratulations on your baby, and I can see from here, she is the spitting image of you ;)

Nolim · 13/02/2015 18:03

If it is a factual observation then what is the problem?

MNHQ
TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 13/02/2015 19:58

Hello OP
We've moved your thread to parenting -
CONGRATS on your new baby! Am sure she is beautiful - and very like you Grin

Justwhy · 13/02/2015 20:01

3 weeks! They all look the same. I have a picture of a grown man with a slightly squished and puffy face. Kind of like a potato. I can see why you fell for him.

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 13/02/2015 20:03

She will change !

Both dds looked like their dads when born. Dd2 had a massive head with a miniature DP face. She is now a beauty that looks like her sister who looks like me Grin

iusedtobecool · 13/02/2015 20:15

I got this pretty much before the c section anaesthetic had even worn off. Proud DP uploaded the photos to Facebook and the comments were all about how much newbornDS was the double of DP. To be honest, I felt the same as you at first. We gave DS, DP surname, so I felt that there was nothing of me in him, even though I carried him 9 months, and had an awful labour!

I remember sobbing about it at one point not long after he was born Blush. DP luckily took it well! Fast forward 2 years and there are definitely more comments that he looks like me, but with DP colouring.

I now personally think that DS just looks like his own gorgeous self :)

ch1134 · 13/02/2015 20:40

My baby is 'the image of his dad' apparently. I can't see it, except when you compare baby photos and they're almost identical!
Doesn't bother me, except I think I'm better looking!