People saying how like her father my daughter looks

[Tessie22]

Does anyone else find it upsetting if people comment on how like the father their child looks, and completely disregard your contribution? It's more so people who are related to her dad, or his friends, but I find it really upsetting and at times a bit offensive, like they're deliberately ignoring my involvement! I thought I'd get over being hurt by it, but if anything I feel worse.

This also upsets me too but I suffer with anxiety so put it down to that.
My DH grandma says my DD1 looks like my DH mum and my DD2 looks like my DH.. And I'm sat in the corner like errr, hello!

My dh is a slightly larger man with a very large moustache.
When people say my dd looks like him I always cut in with "you mean his family ... oh yes she's got the family eyes..."

Otherwise, to quote father ted "that's a very hairy baby".

She doesn't look much like me. But I personally think she's the spit of my sister.

Doesn't bother me. DD does look just like her dad so I can't really be offended, it's only the truth!

squiz

Sometimes it's also meant to help the father feel a part of it - in the early days it's easy for some dads to feel a bit disconnectedness, while the mother has gone through birth and often breastfeeding too.
Being sensitive about anything everything at 3 weeks lost birth is also very normal. It's generally best to listen to all advice and comments through a hazy veil of not giving a toss, or you can go a bit crazy.

Fwiw it's worse when they say it doesn't! My dh is very dark and son very fair, I feel like people are suggesting he's the postman's sometimes...

And mostly congratulations!

People usually see the similarities they want to. I was often told by people who didn't know my step mother was my step mother that we looked alike (we really don't).

Just count yourself lucky really- my MIL tells everyone DD looks nothing like DH and announced at a family gathering that she didn't believe he was the father. she maintains it was a joke, but at a few weeks post partum, I did not laugh! She still goes on about how they are nothing alike when everyone else sees him in her.

Try not to let it upset you. With more sleep everything will seem less upsetting.

I'm with cookiefiend people see what they want to see - when they were younger I was often mistaken for my DSD's mum, once we even had "you can tell you're a family, you're all so alike", which caused much embarrassment all round

Also from my experience with the DSD's, kids look like their biological mum and dad at different times as they grow up, and then one day they just look like themselves.

Plus even if it turns out that she doesn't physically resemble you very much, you will very definitely be in there somewhere - my best friend's family all look like their dad to the extent that their mum jokes that they are all aliens and she was just an incubator, but every mannerism and manner of speech they have is entirely hers!

Speaking as someone who is about to have a baby made with a donor egg I know physical resemblance is a very sensitive thing, but whether she looks like you or not, she is your baby and she loves you

It is normal to look at babies and try to see who they resemble. My cousin & his DW had a baby and we spent ages looking at the photos trying to find a resemblance to either cousin or someone in our family. It was only when we saw photos of new baby with his DM's dad - wow!! He's nearly 3 now and still the absolute image of his grandad.

The youngest DS of one of DH's brothers looks nothing like either of his parents but very much like my DH. More so, in fact, than any of DH's own DC.

But I agree it is very frustrating when ILs seem determined to whitewash you out of the picture and claim your baby as theirs.

My DD is a small, female version of her dad. I can't get annoyed at people saying it because it's true. I struggle to see any of me in her, and sometimes wonder if people think I stole her!
I don't think people mean to disregard your contribution - more trying to acknowledge your partners contribution. Ignore!

My dd looks like her father and my dgd look like her father, but they all got their intelligence from me

Ooh yes as a baby dd looked like my dp, it irritated the hell out of me ! I was thinking "she's mine !" But it is the hormones, now she's 3 she looks just like me

Hormones are horrid buggers and they really don't settle down for about 6 months so prepare for a lot more stuff to annoy you !!

As a baby, ds looked like me. As a little boy everyone (including my own family!) tells me how much he looks like dh! I really don't mind. He has a lot of his personality traits too, most of which were the reason i fell in love with dh so how could it annoy me? Also, because dh and ds are so similar they clash like hell, so in our house Mummy can do no wrong whereas Daddy gets in trouble a lot.

My MIL did this a lot, but I ended up finding it funny. She'd be sitting there going 'oh, dgs is so blond now, his dad's uncle's second cousin's aunt was blond, it must be from there' while I sat holding him wondering if my hair had changed colour in the last 10 minutes...

She stopped doing it after I was out with her and she met a friend of hers who gushed about how much like me my DS was and asked if she agreed. She has to say yes out of politeness but did tone done the obscure comparisons after that