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Original poster

Shall I say something and if yes, what?

53 replies

Pinotmum · 21/10/2006 14:44

Dd is 6 yo (Yr1) and has come home twice this term saying that her friend has told her and some other girls that there is no tooth fairy and now (hushed tones) yesterday NO FATHER CHRISTMAS!!!! I am pretty p'd off as it has come from the friends mother/parents and not just from an older sibling or a realisation on the part of the girl herself. Her family do not celebrate Christmas or put fallen out teeth under pillows. Now I have no objection to them not wanting to join in with what they see as silly traditions but why do they have to spoil other childrens fun? I have told dd that I can't believe what I am hearing - why would I want her tooth? As for FC I have said if you don't believe he won't come. Luckily DD is pretty quick and told this girl she was wrong and the other girls all agreed with her. I want to tell this girls mum that her dd is telling the class that there is no FC without being confrontational. Should I? How could I put it nicely? ANy suggestions welcome.

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squidette · 21/10/2006 16:46

I can understand you wanting to keep the magic alive for your daughter due to your own traditions.

Perhaps this family finds the idea of people believing in magical people such as Father Christmas or the Tooth Fairies rather strange? Not to say that one group of people are right, but every one is entitled to their own beliefs and the right to say what they are.

As a humanist, i teach my children that for as many people in the world, there are as many ways to believe things. They are free to choose what they would like to believe or not believe- whether its Father Christmas, God, muliple deities (eldest son is currently being amazed by ancient egyptian beliefs) or just in themselves. As long as what they speak about, as i do, is pre-fixed by 'I' or 'some people' or 'Christians' believe/dont believe.

If you do want to talk to the mother or parents - instead of being seeming to be confrontational (as you say you dont want to be), perhaps express that you feel that you dont quite know what to say to her - that you know she wasnt trying to spoil anothers fun, but you were a little suprised and maybe apprehensive at having to address this with your own daughter at what seems like such an early age for you.

It may even be an opportunity to understand how she feels about it and make a deeper connection with someone through tolerance and listening - and an opportunity for her to do the same with you.

Original poster

Pinotmum · 21/10/2006 16:52

Squdette, I really liked your post and thank you for taking the time to explain your thoughts. If I ever think the time is right to raise this subject (in a social situation not just passing at the school gate) with the mother I would certainly use your suggestions as it really sums up how I feel. Thanks

OP posts:

MadamePlatypus · 21/10/2006 16:55

I think that if other parents don't take the Father Christmas thing seriously you can't really expect them to make a big thing about telling their children not to tell other children that he doesn't exist.

I am always a bit confused about this hard line FC does/doesn't exist thing. I don't think I ever believed in him any more than I believed in the Wombles or fairies at the bottom of the garden, but it never made my childhood Christmases less magical. For me Father Christmas is the spirit of Christmas (secular christmas anyway, obviously there are some other individuals who might have more claim to this!), it doesn't matter whether there is concrete evidence that he exists or not.

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franca70 · 21/10/2006 17:44

hi sssandy

rustycreakingdoorbear · 21/10/2006 18:12

Ssandy - I dealt with the multiple Santa thing by saying the ones in shops/streets/Christmas fairs etc were just dressing up, like the children themselves dress up as book characters etc for playgroup. It doesn't have to interfere with their belief in the 'real' Santa, if that's what you want them to believe.

My own belief was cruelly ripped from me by my brother (6 years older) who set up a very successful Father Christmas trap in our bedroom when I was about 4 - my dad was not amused.

I probably had a hand in disillusioning a few children myself a few years later when my dad was playing Father Christmas at the village bazaar, and I went up & asked him for my pocket money!

franca70 · 21/10/2006 21:13

sorry to hijack the thread again
it should have been hi sssandy

fransmom · 21/10/2006 21:31

as for the multiple santa, i remember we were told that becasue he was really busy, he had lots of helpers i think it might have been good to add that they were dressed the same so that they could recognise each other! i can't remember how old i was

SSSandy · 22/10/2006 14:42

I do like the Father Christmas trap!

rustycreakingdoorbear · 22/10/2006 17:20

DB was in double trouble bcause he made the trap with orange threads he'd pulled out of our blankets.....

fransmom · 23/10/2006 20:25

pm how did you get on? x

p told me that when he and his brother a lot younger, p put some money in his christmas sock to put on the end of his bed. now, bearing in mind they had wooden floorboards, when his dad went in their room to put the presents in, he knocked the sock off the bedpost and blew the magic himself

soapbox · 23/10/2006 20:37

One of DD's friends in her class is Muslim and she has always been very matter of fact about Santa not existing and it being the parents who leave the presents.

I couldn't for one minute imagine having a conversation with her mum which would involve telling her to tell her dd to lie to my dd just to keep the myth going

Instead we have just been very nonchallant with DD saying 'oh well, let's just see whether Santa comes on Christmas morning or not'. We also use the 'well, we can all believe different things if we wish to' line!

I just can't see how the other girl can possibly be put in a position of not telling the truth - that would be entirely the wrong thing to do.

disemboweledbint · 23/10/2006 20:44

i don't get what the big deal is. even after i knew there was no fc my parents still did the whole fc thing. they even still do it now. does it really matter?!

Original poster

Pinotmum · 23/10/2006 21:06

Dd was overheard talking to another friend G on Saturday about this and they have decided H is wrong totally. G's mum heard them. My OP never suggested I ask anyone to lie. I wanted to know if I could discuss it nicely as perhaps she had no idea her dd would be telling the whole class this fact. As it is dd and G are having a 6 yo's she's not our friend moment about it but I'm sure it will pass. As we are on half term I'm not going to see this girl or her family until next week anyway so am going to forget about it.

OP posts:

hairymclary · 23/10/2006 21:15

ahh I could have been that little girl. I figured out (by myself i might add) at around 5or 6 that santa wasn't real.
if he was then how come my mum and dad still had to buy presents?

anyway, I did then tell everyone in my class that he wasn't real and how I knew.

I'm not really into the whole father christmas/tooth fairy/easter bunny stuff though tbh.
I can remember pretending i still thought FC existed because i thought I ought to, but I honestly don't understand how any child really believes that a big fat man flies around the world with reindeer and comes down the chimney!

soapbox · 23/10/2006 21:20

But Pinotmum - what would she have said to your polite comment that wouldn't involve lying by either her or her DD?

I just can't understand what it is that you want to change?

She has told her DD the truth and her DD has told the class the truth. What can she change?

brennan · 24/10/2006 16:36

So you are saying there is NO Father Christmas!

bev1e · 24/10/2006 17:24

My 11 year old still thinks there is a Father Christmas and a tooth fairy!

HumphreyComfrey · 24/10/2006 17:27

Same here Bev1e - DS1 will be 11 in the New Year, and we are going to Lapland at Christmas, with a fully-believing son in tow!

DS2 (8) is far more sceptical, but keeps his views to himself so he doesn't upset his big brother.

brennan · 24/10/2006 17:46

My son asked is there really a Santa? He is 9 and some of his classmates say there is'nt but I told him that if he believes there is a Father Christmas then there is.

Blondilocks · 24/10/2006 17:57

I think it would have been a good time to say, well actually yes she is right, but it's a nice tradition etc etc.

I still have a xmas stocking & I'm 22 (although obviously know who it comes from!!)

Don't think I could lie to my DD about it.

brennan · 24/10/2006 18:04

I think it's sad that young children are not allowed to believe in something so lovely and magical.

rosie79 · 24/10/2006 18:18

Brennan - you make it sound like children who don't believe in FC are forced not to by saying they are not 'allowed to believe'.

It simply isn't part of everyone's customs or beliefs, and to assume that children who live in homes that don't celebrate christmas or believe in FC and our western traditions and customs are somehow deprived or missing out is quite arrogant and narrow minded IMO (I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but that's how it sounded).

brennan · 24/10/2006 18:42

No I did not mean to sound arrogant or narrow minded. I was however surprised that a 6yr old would be questioning if there is a FC.

pointyfangedWeredog · 24/10/2006 19:03

I would either forget about it as there are just bound to be at least a couple of 6 year olds in every class who know santa doesn't exist and blab off to pals and kids are resilient and will carry on believing anyway if they want to...

or...

tell your dd to tell evil-child that Sandy Claws is going to visit her on hallowe'en and scare her witless

aviatrixortreat · 24/10/2006 19:48

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