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Original poster

Shall I say something and if yes, what?

53 replies

Pinotmum · 21/10/2006 14:44

Dd is 6 yo (Yr1) and has come home twice this term saying that her friend has told her and some other girls that there is no tooth fairy and now (hushed tones) yesterday NO FATHER CHRISTMAS!!!! I am pretty p'd off as it has come from the friends mother/parents and not just from an older sibling or a realisation on the part of the girl herself. Her family do not celebrate Christmas or put fallen out teeth under pillows. Now I have no objection to them not wanting to join in with what they see as silly traditions but why do they have to spoil other childrens fun? I have told dd that I can't believe what I am hearing - why would I want her tooth? As for FC I have said if you don't believe he won't come. Luckily DD is pretty quick and told this girl she was wrong and the other girls all agreed with her. I want to tell this girls mum that her dd is telling the class that there is no FC without being confrontational. Should I? How could I put it nicely? ANy suggestions welcome.

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suzywong · 21/10/2006 14:46

are you serious?

collision · 21/10/2006 14:47

I think I would do it as a joke and say 'Thanks very much for telling your dd that FC and TF dont exist!!' and see what she says.

She will still take offense though I think.

Original poster
Pinotmum · 21/10/2006 14:48

Yes, I'm serious. Why are you asking?

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PinkTulips · 21/10/2006 14:50

just tell your dd that 'of course santy doesn't visit this girl; because she doesn't believe, isn't that sad?' no point confronting the mom imo, won't make a scrap of differance, anyone that sad and bitter won't listen to a word you say

HumphreyComfrey · 21/10/2006 14:50

I wouldn't bother talking to the other mum TBH.

I you want your child to continue to believe in the tooth fairy and Father Christmas then I would just say that she knows they exist because she gets money for her teeth, and presents at Christmas.

The fact that the majority of children have disagreed with this other child about the existence of tf/fc shows that they all firmly believe it still - having to defend it will probably only strengthen their beliefs.

Maybe explain that different people believe different things, but that she is free to think what she wants.

There is always someone who wants to dispel the myth, so it is impossible to tackle this I think.

Original poster
Pinotmum · 21/10/2006 14:50

I don;t want her to take offence because dd and her dd are pretty close pals most of the time and her twins are in my ds's nursery class and her ds really likes my ds so that are probably going to be good pals too. Groan - at the headache I'm going to get.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/10/2006 14:51

Well, i think its nice for children to believe in Father Christmas and tooth fairies.

But they find out sooner or later. You are wanting to ask this parent to stop her daughter from telling the truth. Im not quite getting it Im afraid....

CristinaTheAstonishing · 21/10/2006 15:00

I don't think it matters who our children find out from and who those found it out from. Not worth spoiling a friendship over this.

Original poster
Pinotmum · 21/10/2006 15:10

I just think it could have been handled better - they don't do christmas as they are not christian. Christains don't do Eid or Diwali etc. Why just saw it's the parents who buy the presents? It's a bit bar humbug. I'm sure dd will work it out in another year or two. The mum said to me during the week "I hope S doesn't tell H she saw me in (store) buying gifts for Eid" and I told dd not to mention it as it was a surprise. However spoiling all the others childrens fun doesn't seem to occur to this mum.

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SSSandy · 21/10/2006 15:11

Don't think you can do much about it unfortunately. If the mother has already told her dd that they don't exist, what can she now effectively do? She cannot really tell dd not to tell the other dc because they still believe in the tooth fairy and Father Christmas. I don't think her dd would understand that and it gets a bit dishonest.

Piffle · 21/10/2006 15:19

WE do not do FC here either. DS never believed it, so we never bothered.
He did enlighten several kids, but all were fairly secure in their belief.
Don't be silly by telling the mother off.
Ridiculous IMO

Original poster
Pinotmum · 21/10/2006 15:21

I don't think I said I was "telling anyone off" did I? I asked if I should tell her what her dd was saying. SOme of the other mums would tell her off though imo.

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Pinotmum · 21/10/2006 15:26

Oh and thank you for calling me silly and ridiculous - I feel quite girly now

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CristinaTheAstonishing · 21/10/2006 15:28

I don't know about the tradition of giving gifts for Eid, but is it something similar to FC, i.e. from an imaginary creature? If not, and if it's more like a birthday present, then I think it's OK to say "keep this a surprise for your friend" and doesn't sound hypocritical.

EliBoo · 21/10/2006 15:37

If it was the Mum telling your dd, I'd say something - but the daughter?!? She's just expressing what she knows as true - same as your dd and the other kids are.

I would use this as a great opportunity for the 'everyone has a right to their own beliefs' chat, and let it go. Six is a great age to learn 'vive la difference'!

I vividly remember being about six, and a hot debate in the classroom about whether Jesus was really the son of God or not - it would have been wonderful if someone (teacher or parent) had been able to turn that into an 'each to their own beliefs' type conversation, instead of reacting with either embarrassment or anger and squishing those in the class who were not Christians (maybe two out of 18, in those days).

Original poster
Pinotmum · 21/10/2006 15:39

I don't think there is a made up person/creature for Eid as far as I know. I have a whole half term to get this in perspective

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franca70 · 21/10/2006 15:40

I think it's quite sweet that you are trying to protect your dd's fantasies. However, I wouldn't say anything to the mother. think the children can sort this out by themselves

Original poster
Pinotmum · 21/10/2006 15:45

Franca70, I work with the under 5's and maybe this is why I just love all the fairytale stuff and wide eyed innocence of childhood. I know some people will think that I'm a sap but 6 yo isn't too old to believe in this stuff imo.

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SSSandy · 21/10/2006 15:51

It's part of childhood and recreating our own childhood, I think it's all quite nice.

Dd (6) expressed some doubt about Father Christmas last year. She wanted to know how I got in touch with him, so I said he phoned. She didn't believe that but I said he always calls when the kids are out at nursery or school. Then she didn't believe he landed on the roof and how did he get into the house then, and who gave the reindeer something to drink if they were up on the roof?! I like it all too. I told her the other day I'd have to give Father Christmas a ring sometime before he gets too busy and have a chat about what to get her this year, she kind of tingled from top and top. Very sweet.

It is difficult to keep the belief alive for any length of time though since you pass about 6 Father Christmasses every time you walk down a shopping street. Last year there were a crowd of them (I think foreign students) thrusting bags of goodies on children. Think we collected 5 bags in the end whilst doing some shopping and she asked me, "how many Father Christmasses are there then Mummy and which one is coming to our house?!"

It's a scream. Not sure they ever totally believe in it TBH

franca70 · 21/10/2006 15:53

absolutely agree with you pinotmum, same here, ds (4) has a very lively imagination and I do all I can to nurture his fantasy world. I went on beliveing in father christmas (although in italy it was baby jesus) etc regardless of what my best friedn told me. I hang on to my belief until I was 9 I think. still, unless this girl intended to be very mean, I wouldn't say anything. if they are discussing about christams etc in a very surreal way like children do, if there's no meanees I'd let it go.

SSSandy · 21/10/2006 15:55

waves at franca!

TinyGang · 21/10/2006 15:58

I wouldn't say anything to the mother because you might end up looking a bit daft.

But that's not to say I wouldn't simmer away and want to. But what on earth could you say? I suppose a jokey 'thanks for that..' I guess she was only telling it the way she believed was right for her own family.

I really can see why you feel peeved about this though. I would too. The trouble is there's always someone waiting in the wings dying to throw a bucket of cold reality water over a lovely tradition. It's certainly one that we love in our family.

The lady who runs the playgroup dt's attended had this problem with one of the mums there. The child did not get involved when FC came to visit. Well, that was fine, but unsolicited blabbing about his credetials was not allowed. The children were only pre-school age. Good for her I say.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 21/10/2006 16:04

TinyGang - a gagging clause for a pre-schooler? Did it work?

TinyGang · 21/10/2006 16:10

Lol

I think that he just wasn't around the day FC came in. Goodness knows how they kept the lid on it though. Bugged him maybe, CIA style, and swooped in with a change of topic if the conversation was turning dodgy?

I just remember a conversation with the teacher there and she was adamant that no myths were to be dispelled while she was around.

Original poster
Pinotmum · 21/10/2006 16:37

I bet he was tied up in the store cupboard That's where I'm putting all the doubters this Christmas at my pre-school LOL.

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