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Parenting

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Original poster

Yr 9 Son doesn't want to go to CCF camp! What would you do?

62 replies

gazzalw · 04/02/2015 08:00

DS (14) is a typical computer-playing teen. Very reluctant to do anything but stay within his bedroom comfort zone. Also lacks confidence in his abilities and although he doesn't seem shy isn't wildly sociable either.

Has had the opportunity to do several out of school activities in the past but it's always 'but I'm no good' or 'I don't like it'. He had the opportunity to do a weekend drama club but he wasn't keen and his fallback option was school CCF.

However a term and a half in, faced with a half-term camp, he's suddenly come home saying he not only doesn't want to go on the camp but that he wants to quit CCF.

He's got himself all worked up about it to the point of teen hysteria. I think he's scared because it's going to be physically hard work (and he's not very sporty) and none of his close group of friends is going. So it's a knee-jerk reaction about being out of his comfort zone.

We don't want him to quit - the reason for encouraging him to do it in the first place was to do with the discipline and getting out of his comfort zone.

It is an important life lesson to work thro' the pain of not wanting to do something (but then inevitably finding it turns out to be much better than anticipated) but how do you get this thro' to a teenager?

OP posts:

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SunnyBaudelaire · 04/02/2015 12:04

"Unless there is a massive problem within the group (eg bullying)"

the thing is, OP does not seem interested in that possibility - she has dismissed her son as having 'teen hysteria' and other stuff about his 'comfort zone' that he needs pushing out of apparently.

Why not listen to your son OP?

SoupDragon · 04/02/2015 12:09

the thing is, OP does not seem interested in that possibility - she has dismissed her son as having 'teen hysteria' and other stuff about his 'comfort zone' that he needs pushing out of apparently.

Probably because he was apparently fine until camp was mentioned.

SoupDragon · 04/02/2015 12:09

Camp is probably too long away from his computer games.

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CurlsLDN · 04/02/2015 12:10

He sounds like my brother. He was also not a very outgoing teen, much preferring to stay in his room listening to music or tinkering with cars than doing sport or meeting new people.
He joined ccf (no idea why) and also had a sudden 'melt down' refusing to go to camp. My parents didn't make him go.
He's now 30 something, married, with a very good senior level job and his own house plus two or three vintage cars to tinker with. Doesn't seem to have done him any harm.

winsomewitch · 04/02/2015 12:11

He's at an age where he should be able to choose.

I'm quite shocked that some parents think its normal to force a child do an activity that he quite clearly doesnt like

Talk to him and find out what he enjoys, maybe find out if there are any coding groups if he likes gaming.

Lots of people dont like out doorsy type things so he's not unusual and it doesnt make him lazy and being upset about doing something he clearly hates doesnt make him hysterical.

Learn to listen to him.

SunnyBaudelaire · 04/02/2015 12:13

why do some people just dismiss teens as though their feelings are not valid? 'oh just too far away from his computer games' - how lovely and understanding of you.
I was pretty pissed off when my son refused to go to boxing class but then if I had insisted I daresay he would have had his head kicked in outside the class.
I suppose that would have been good for his character development the way some people are talking here!

Littleturkish · 04/02/2015 12:15

Lots of presumptions made about the OP.

Have you talked about why he doesn't want to go? If he just says 'friends' that isn't really a reason. I would make him go just this once, and offer him a swap afterwards to a different activity. Letting him stay in his room and play games isn't doing him any favours.

SoupDragon · 04/02/2015 12:15

I am lovely and understanding.

I am also realistic about what teens tend to be like.

So you can keep your ridiculous judgements.

GentlyBenevolent · 04/02/2015 12:16

He has said he wants to quit CCF. He obviously doesn't like it, he stck it out for a term and a half but has had enough. End of story. You shouldn't force him to either continue or to go to camp. That would just be bullying.

SunnyBaudelaire · 04/02/2015 12:17

and you should keep your ridiculous presumptions sweeping statements about a child you have never met soupdragon, shouldn't you?

GentlyBenevolent · 04/02/2015 12:18

The attitude being displayed by (some of) the pro camp posters is probably exactly why the OP's DS doesn't want anything more to do with CCF.

Endler32 · 04/02/2015 12:21

I think he is old enough to make his own choice on this, if he doesn't want to go then I wouldn't force it. I have a 11 year old dd who is very similar, she does have some mobility issue which means she is pretty useless at outdoor activities and sport and she has gotten to the point where she doesn't want to embarrass herself by trying , she is going on a school residential in the summer but this has been adapted to include activities that she can just about cope with, luckily she has a friend who is also non sporty so she doesn't feel like the only one that's no good at these things, I wouldn't make her go if she didn't want to go, of course I would try and persuade her but it would be her decision.

SoupDragon · 04/02/2015 12:22

and you should keep your ridiculous presumptions sweeping statements about a child you have never met soupdragon, shouldn't you?

That's kind of like the pot calling the kettle black isn't it?

chillybits · 04/02/2015 12:23

Work harder with him to find out who he is. Make some boundaries at home so sitting in his room all day isn't an option. Who are his friends, what are they doing?

SunnyBaudelaire · 04/02/2015 12:23

sure it is soupy, you just keep tellin yourself that.

FrChewieLouie · 04/02/2015 12:25

I thought most schools started CCF in year 10? Perhaps that's because the children are a bit readier for it then (though my 9 y.o. dd is desperate to start Right Now, having seen a presentation on it at an open evening...).

Does the school offer different CCF branches, and if so, would they let him swap? He might prefer sailing to square bashing, for instance?

Otherwise perhaps leave it till y10 and encourage DofE, which promotes all the discipline and measured risk-taking, but in a way that he might find more appealing? And his friends might do it with him.

I wouldn't force him to go, personally. I have one child who would find this hell on earth and another who would be in heaven - they are who they are.

chillybits · 04/02/2015 12:26

'The attitude being displayed by (some of) the pro camp posters is probably exactly why the OP's DS doesn't want anything more to do with CCF'

THIS /\ /\

Its a common idea that you can create a particular type of person and only this particular person is valid and can go on to future success and happiness.

GentlyBenevolent · 04/02/2015 12:32

CCF is possibly the worst possible place for an introvert. Only people with the empathy of a hunk of wood could possibly think otherwise.

CiderwithBuda · 04/02/2015 12:35

I have a similar teen boy. Not doing CCF yet but will next year as it is compulsory at his school. I'm not expecting him to like it. Although he is really into the SAS and similar. Tends to lose interest when things become hard.

I thinki wouldn't make him go on the camp. But agree with others he needs to find another activity.

I'm a bit soft on my DS because he is at school 6 days a week and does lots of things he isn't keen on there. So I haven't pushed anything outside school as I think he needs a wind down day.

GentlyBenevolent · 04/02/2015 12:46

I wouldn't send a child of mine to a school with compulsory CCF.

Original poster

gazzalw · 04/02/2015 16:28

Thanks for all your thoughts!

I think part of it is a lack of confidence about his physical prowess (or not) and being without his friends BUT he does have a tendency to give up without really trying at things.

He does LAMDA (at school) which he enjoys but says he doesn't want to do out-of-school drama classes because 'he doesn't like it' - surely a contradiction?

Our natural inclination is to encourage him to go on this camp but then give up CCF once he's been away, if he really doesn't like it.

All your insights are most welcome!

OP posts:

LIZS · 04/02/2015 16:36

Dd's friends who ccf are definitely not the most sporty but perhaps that is more true of the boys. I could easily imagine it could be very competitive with older boys/officers enjoying the authority.

Blu · 04/02/2015 20:09

How long is the camp?

(I would not make my DS go on CCF camp, because the whole marching / assault course / CCF style hierarchy, military discipline and uniform is...well, I don't know, I would make him do certain school based hobby activities, just not that!)

Original poster

gazzalw · 05/02/2015 07:28

Saturday til Tuesday.

OP posts:

GentlyBenevolent · 05/02/2015 07:39

So, OP, will you be giving up 4 days of your holiday to do something you regard as torture?

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