Is it just me or is having two young ones really fucking hard?

[nomoreminibreaks]

I'm sure my story is nothing out of the ordinary - I have two boys, one is 4 in March and one turned 1 in January. I've been back at work since December (PT). DS2 sleeps very badly and I'm getting by on 3-4 hours in total each night. He BFs during the night so it's me who deals with it.

I enjoy being at work (I need the break to be honest) but getting everything done around that feels overwhelming. I'm trying to make changes to remove stress (hired a cleaner, moved hours around at work etc) but life just feels so hard!

I know it's all completely normal stuff - both boys are pretty well behaved, there aren't any 'real' problems - I just feel like I'm broken. After a particularly awful night last night (less than 3 hours' sleep) my immune system seems to have given up and I'm pretty ill today. I feel almost jealous of a colleague who's been signed off with exhaustion as she doesn't have children so can spend 3 weeks recovering and I don't have that option.

Am I just being a sleep- deprived drama queen or does anyone else feel the same?

DS now 4.5 and dd 22 months... It's become pretty easy tbh in the last 4 months. There's hope x

I have 2 (2 and 6 months) dreading return to work. You can't go on on 3 hours sleep a night. I night weaned at 9 months and got child to sleep 8-6. I still managed to bf till 18 months.

Of course you're not being a drama queen, it is hard. Mine are 6 and 3 and tbh I've only fairly recently found that things have eased up i.e. we all mostly get enough sleep, DH and I exchange more than the occasional grunt, I am able to get us out of the house in the morning without anyone getting covered in porridge etc.

It is horrible. Mine are 3.6 and 15 mths. They fight constantly over toys/chairs etc, dd2 was really ill through December, she got better but started teething and still is.

I totally lost my temper today, just can't take the crying any more.

You're right, its Soooo hard, not just you. If people find it easy they must have an exceptionally placid baby or lots of help. Dd2 is a total whirlwind!

You really don't need to bf now, just settle without feeding for a few nights. Your sanity is the most important thing! Xxx

I hear you.

In fact I read your title and thought I must have started a thread and forgotten about it... but no as I have one of each, and they're 2.8 and 10 months, so you can't be me .

Sometimes it's just SO hard I want to cry. Sometimes I do cry. Other times I feel terribly guilty and ridiculous for finding 'normal life' so hard. I mean none of us have any serious health conditions, we have plenty of food and water, a house and car, etc etc. Surely it shouldn't be so bloomin' difficult?

OP are you me?! I could have written your post. Except I've recently stopped the night time bf, thinking DS2 might wake less often. (Sometimes he does, other times he doesn't.) DS1 has been ill too so he's been in our bed nearly every night for the last couple of weeks.

I fantasise about booking into a hotel for a night to get an unbroken night's sleep.

It's SO hard. You're not alone

Mine at 3 and 5 and I work part time. It is flipping hard work. I think when they were 3 and 1 was the hardest but we will get through it

Yes, I find it hard too.

I have a 7yo and 2 yo twins and it's just relentless. Utterly relentless.

I can however look at my almost 8yo and definitely see how life will become easier in the next few years. I'm clinging to that glimmer of light .

I have 3 there 11(almost) 9 and 21 month am sleep depraived atm with ds3 but not as much as i was when my two eldest were little. With 21 months apart they had me like a zombie and it was all go during the days then too, i used to try and nap with them both in the day but it never really happened, i do know theres hope but at 3am pacing the floors with him you just dont think a full nights sleep is ever gonna happen again but it will

People tried to tell me that 2 was more than twice the work. I laughed. How I laughed. They were right. I have two; 4.5 year old at school, 5.5 months. Not back at work yet. That's going to be a joyful time, adapting. Lol. I am hopeful it gets better. Think husband summarised it well, it's not twice the work- it's that the small amount of time to yourself that you clung to with the first just got blown out of the water- and then some.

It's bloody hard. I have a 18 month old who woke last night every 1.5 hours to feed. The eldest wakes daily at 5am (if not earlier) and the middle one (4) is not settling to sleep and crying out for mummy in the night. So you have my sympathy. Sleep deprivation is a killer. We've not had a decent sleep for about eight years and I'm exhausted (doctors diagnosis, not mine). I look and feel much older than I am. I would love a night with a chance to sleep - except I'm pretty sure I wouldn't as I'm now programmed not to sleep, and I'd be worried about the children!

Hang in there OP. It must get better?!

OP, I have 22 month old and a 4 year old a my husband and I sometimes just look at each other and ask if other people find this as hard and exhausting as we do or if we are just incompetent.

When I'm not at work I feel the need to make every single minute count like I'm the best parent ever - making up or lost time - "look at me, I'm super mom"! Every minute I'm not doing that I feel crushing guilt.

I wouldn't change it, but boy - we find it hard too.

There is nothing quite like the hell of sleep deprivation. I am enjoying reading that other people have the hospitalisation fantasy....

Agree stop the bfing in the night. LO will learn booby is for getting off to sleep at bedtime, not in the night. It's hard at first but they soon get used to it. Your sleep and sanity is more important.

Until recently DS2. (22 mo) would jump up and insist on playing, so I would bring him down and he'd get a second wind and be up til 10! Mum said just keep putting him back and don't bring him down. It took 2 hours the first night and the second I only had to tell him he had to stay in bed and he did! Bloody amazed. My boobs went away in the daytime as he was feeding and not eating his meals. Also not difficult. bloody mum is always right

I have 3 children, the eldest two have 11 months between them. The hardest thing was the lack of sleep, but we would have had that anyway as DS (the eldest) has autism and hardly ever slept. It was difficult stopping one wake the other up though.

They are very close though, DD although younger then DS, is very protective of her brother. We have another DS too, mostly.. they all get on.

tiredness is the worst thing though :)

I found going from 1 to 2 children very hard.

DD1 was 3.6 yrs when I had dd2. Although having ds 18mths later was so easy.