Is it just me or is having two young ones really fucking hard?

[nomoreminibreaks]

I'm sure my story is nothing out of the ordinary - I have two boys, one is 4 in March and one turned 1 in January. I've been back at work since December (PT). DS2 sleeps very badly and I'm getting by on 3-4 hours in total each night. He BFs during the night so it's me who deals with it.

I enjoy being at work (I need the break to be honest) but getting everything done around that feels overwhelming. I'm trying to make changes to remove stress (hired a cleaner, moved hours around at work etc) but life just feels so hard!

I know it's all completely normal stuff - both boys are pretty well behaved, there aren't any 'real' problems - I just feel like I'm broken. After a particularly awful night last night (less than 3 hours' sleep) my immune system seems to have given up and I'm pretty ill today. I feel almost jealous of a colleague who's been signed off with exhaustion as she doesn't have children so can spend 3 weeks recovering and I don't have that option.

Am I just being a sleep- deprived drama queen or does anyone else feel the same?

[Clutterbugsmum]

I found going from 1 to 2 children very hard.

DD1 was 3.6 yrs when I had dd2. Although having ds 18mths later was so easy.

[Flowerfae]

I have 3 children, the eldest two have 11 months between them. The hardest thing was the lack of sleep, but we would have had that anyway as DS (the eldest) has autism and hardly ever slept. It was difficult stopping one wake the other up though.

They are very close though, DD although younger then DS, is very protective of her brother. We have another DS too, mostly.. they all get on.

tiredness is the worst thing though :)

[Broaderband]

Agree stop the bfing in the night. LO will learn booby is for getting off to sleep at bedtime, not in the night. It's hard at first but they soon get used to it. Your sleep and sanity is more important.

Until recently DS2. (22 mo) would jump up and insist on playing, so I would bring him down and he'd get a second wind and be up til 10! Mum said just keep putting him back and don't bring him down. It took 2 hours the first night and the second I only had to tell him he had to stay in bed and he did! Bloody amazed. My boobs went away in the daytime as he was feeding and not eating his meals. Also not difficult. bloody mum is always right

[findingherfeet]

There is nothing quite like the hell of sleep deprivation. I am enjoying reading that other people have the hospitalisation fantasy....

[FixItUpChappie]

OP, I have 22 month old and a 4 year old a my husband and I sometimes just look at each other and ask if other people find this as hard and exhausting as we do or if we are just incompetent.

When I'm not at work I feel the need to make every single minute count like I'm the best parent ever - making up or lost time - "look at me, I'm super mom"! Every minute I'm not doing that I feel crushing guilt.

I wouldn't change it, but boy - we find it hard too.

[SmileAndNod]

It's bloody hard. I have a 18 month old who woke last night every 1.5 hours to feed. The eldest wakes daily at 5am (if not earlier) and the middle one (4) is not settling to sleep and crying out for mummy in the night. So you have my sympathy. Sleep deprivation is a killer. We've not had a decent sleep for about eight years and I'm exhausted (doctors diagnosis, not mine). I look and feel much older than I am. I would love a night with a chance to sleep - except I'm pretty sure I wouldn't as I'm now programmed not to sleep, and I'd be worried about the children!

Hang in there OP. It must get better?!

[Momzilla82]

People tried to tell me that 2 was more than twice the work. I laughed. How I laughed. They were right. I have two; 4.5 year old at school, 5.5 months. Not back at work yet. That's going to be a joyful time, adapting. Lol. I am hopeful it gets better. Think husband summarised it well, it's not twice the work- it's that the small amount of time to yourself that you clung to with the first just got blown out of the water- and then some.

[mamato3luvleys]

I have 3 there 11(almost) 9 and 21 month am sleep depraived atm with ds3 but not as much as i was when my two eldest were little. With 21 months apart they had me like a zombie and it was all go during the days then too, i used to try and nap with them both in the day but it never really happened, i do know theres hope but at 3am pacing the floors with him you just dont think a full nights sleep is ever gonna happen again but it will

[SugarPlumpFairy3]

Yes, I find it hard too.

I have a 7yo and 2 yo twins and it's just relentless. Utterly relentless.

I can however look at my almost 8yo and definitely see how life will become easier in the next few years. I'm clinging to that glimmer of light .

[Nevercan]

Mine at 3 and 5 and I work part time. It is flipping hard work. I think when they were 3 and 1 was the hardest but we will get through it

[SerenaJoy]

OP are you me?! I could have written your post. Except I've recently stopped the night time bf, thinking DS2 might wake less often. (Sometimes he does, other times he doesn't.) DS1 has been ill too so he's been in our bed nearly every night for the last couple of weeks.

I fantasise about booking into a hotel for a night to get an unbroken night's sleep.

It's SO hard. You're not alone

[TheOnlyWayThrough]

I hear you.

In fact I read your title and thought I must have started a thread and forgotten about it... but no as I have one of each, and they're 2.8 and 10 months, so you can't be me .

Sometimes it's just SO hard I want to cry. Sometimes I do cry. Other times I feel terribly guilty and ridiculous for finding 'normal life' so hard. I mean none of us have any serious health conditions, we have plenty of food and water, a house and car, etc etc. Surely it shouldn't be so bloomin' difficult?

[YorkshireTeaGold]

It is horrible. Mine are 3.6 and 15 mths. They fight constantly over toys/chairs etc, dd2 was really ill through December, she got better but started teething and still is.

I totally lost my temper today, just can't take the crying any more.

You're right, its Soooo hard, not just you. If people find it easy they must have an exceptionally placid baby or lots of help. Dd2 is a total whirlwind!

You really don't need to bf now, just settle without feeding for a few nights. Your sanity is the most important thing! Xxx

[GiantGaspingSatanicCyst]

Of course you're not being a drama queen, it is hard. Mine are 6 and 3 and tbh I've only fairly recently found that things have eased up i.e. we all mostly get enough sleep, DH and I exchange more than the occasional grunt, I am able to get us out of the house in the morning without anyone getting covered in porridge etc.

[munchkinmaster]

I have 2 (2 and 6 months) dreading return to work. You can't go on on 3 hours sleep a night. I night weaned at 9 months and got child to sleep 8-6. I still managed to bf till 18 months.

[Enjoyingmycoffee1981]

DS now 4.5 and dd 22 months... It's become pretty easy tbh in the last 4 months. There's hope x

[iwasyoungonce]

You're right. It's fucking hard.

It does get better. Mine are now 5 and 8, so I was you 4 years ago.

They now sleep OK, get up at about 7.30-8.00 at the weekends, sometimes a bit later if I'm lucky.

The older one gets her own breakfast, and is quite independent.

They do argue a lot though. That drives me mental. But at least if you sleep you can cope with it.

I feel like I'm getting my life back a bit. I think you just have to get through it OP. Just keep telling yourself it won't be this hard forever.

[NimpyWWindowmash]

It is really hard work, that age.

I have 2 boys.

10 and 12 now, easy-peasy

you are right in the middle of the hardest phase.

[sillymillyb]

I just have 1 but I'm a lone parent and he is a crap sleeper - I used to also pray that I would get ill and need to goto hospital. I remember once I just couldn't function, ds was on a roundabout and was going to fall off. Everyone around us ran to grab him and I was so sleep deprived my reactions were off and I just stood there thinking I needed to move. It really frightened me, because whilst I knew I was broken, I hadn't realised it was so obvious. My best friend came and had ds for me for the night while I put ear plugs in - first sleep for more than 3 hours in a row in 2 years and it was incredible.

I know they say that parenting is hard, but God, it really really is, isn't it?

[learnermummy]

Meant to add that giving up breastfeeding in night really helped me. DH goes in to her if she wakes and sometimes she has a cup of milk (we keep cartons upstairs just in case!)

[learnermummy]

It's really hard isn't it! I have three, aged 8, 5 and 18m. Particularly awful teething at the minute with hardly any sleep last night. I work part time but as I'm based at home I end up picking up all the extras and trying to fit in around work - today was middle son to doctors and plasterer round to quite. Last week was new tyre on car plus another doctors and another tradesman visit. I also can't say no (pta stuff) and try to fit in a hobby and keeping fit/losing weight! I feel like I might burn out soon! DH and I hardly have any time for each other either which isn't good. It must get easier.

[Jackieharris]

Tbh if stop bf during the night.

You both need your sleep.

[MissRabbitsCV]

DS1 has just turned 5. DS2 is 2.5. DH and I have recently noticed that it is just starting to get easier. Hold in there. There is hope!

[nomoreminibreaks]

So glad it's not just me! I don't remember it being so bad going back after DS1 but I was working just two days and although he was a bad sleeper, he was so much better than DS2. DS1 starts school in September but he's quite independent already. It's mostly DS2 who is quite clingy and won't be out down much.

I've been trying to be more 'baby led' this time rather than trying to do what the books say like last time. In my better moments I feel happy with the choices I've made but now I feel like I have no idea what I should have done to get it right.

[TantricShift]

I have 2 DD's 5 and 1. DD1 was a terrible sleeper and didn't sleep through the night until she was 4. There was no way I was having that with DD2 so at about 12 months I did controlled crying for daytime naps and then for bed times. She started sleeping through every quickly after that. I sometimes hear or in the night but only get up if I can hear she is really awake. She is also still breastfeeding so I am careful not to give in to her demands as she would suck all night if I let her. I think it is all about habit. If you can break the feeding cycle you will get more sleep and feel better able to cope in the daytime. It was a revelation to me that I could cope once I had enough sleep, I truly believed motherhood was the most evil hell ever visited on a person (a view held due to 4 years of extreme sleep deprivation). And although I need 2 huge mugs of coffee in the morning I can usually make it through the day without crying.