Small age gap comments!

[Jenny1231990]

Hi all, I feel completely pissed off but don't know if it's my hormones or what.
I have a 6 year old son, 8month old daughter and I'm 24 weeks pregnant.
We tried for 2 years with our daughter and yes fell pregnant sooner than we thought but are delighted and feel blessed.
Yesterday we had a small family party to go to, my nieces 3rd birthday, my cousin walked in and made some comment in jest about not being able to keep my legs closed, to which I smiled and walked away. I wasn't sure how to react.
Another lady who I've never met before heard the news of our new arrival and started harping on about how hard it's going to be. Il need my daughter out of nappies and bottles by the time this ones born. Well she will only just have turned one so highly unlikely, is it true though? Will I have to make my baby girl grow up quickly to accommodate a new baby coming in? Or can I just enjoy my babies for as long as I can.
I had a few other comments throughout the day saying we are mad and whatever.
I don't ask anyone for help, ever.
I've only ever left my dd with her dad, all my children are clean, looked after and happy so why comment.
I've another party in feb and it will be the whole family, I'm dreading it.

Anyone have any advice. Should I just smile and think fuck you in my head.

Re the impact on your daughter, we had ours 2 years 9 months apart (so a big-ish age gap) and our dc1 found having a new baby very hard, lots of jealousy etc. I sometimes think she would actually have coped better had the age gap been smaller.

Comebacks that I would want to say but wouldn't:
'I'm sorry you found parenthood so hard' with a patronising frownsmile
or
(Re the legs closed comment) 'We're just so in love, and find parenting such a breeze! It's a shame it can't be like that for everybody!'
or
'Oh shit, you're RIGHT, we hadn't thought of that. We'd better send this one back when it's born! Thanks for flagging'

If I had the courage, I'd use the mumsnet classic line: 'did you mean to be so rude?'

But what I'd probably say is 'you know, we're actually really excited' with a big smile. Only a complete twat would piss on your strawberries after that one.

What a cow!

Mine are 13mo apart and the bigger one was still in nappies and on bottles. Don't worry :)

11 months here. I tend to just have people telling me I'm brave to be honest, I've been asked if they are twins, and I get lots of surprised faces at the small gap. I'd be extremely short with anyone who said anything about keeping my legs crossed etc and I don't think most people would dare! Just enjoy it and whenever anyone says anything just tell them how happy you are and how close the children are going to be. I really don't know why people think they get to have an opinion on when other people have babies!

Bit bigger than you - 22 months. It's been fine. Seriously. And he's still in nappies and has the occasional bottle at 2 and a half :o

Reasons why I found it easier than a large gap:

He still sleeps
Still happy to go in buggy and small enough to bundle in :o
Not at the teeny pieces of toy stage yet now ds2 is crawling - toys are age appropriate for both.
They like the same activities - so at music group They

Oops posted too soon,

At music group they both enjoy it and get something out of it
Very soon they will play together and I'll be free to drink tea and supervise!

I read something about it being better for them emotionally and in their relationships if the gap is either small or much bigger (under 18 months or more than 4 years) so even the accepted wisdom isn't all doom and gloom. Apparently if they're young enough they're too young to be very jealous because they aren't that individualised yet. Also they're better matched developmentally if they're closer in age surely?

I'm contemplating a small gap if we can manage it as I'm too old to hang about. It didn't occur to me that I'd get comments like that so I'll be forewarned. I think if they say I'm mad I'll say 'No, just lucky'. The 'legs closed' comment would be quite gob smacking I imagine so I would probably be too stunned to respond. On reflection, something straightforward like 'No, I was just more than happy to have another child.' might shame them and shut them up, if you didn't want to go straight for the 'oh no you didn't' approach! A stock answer to any comment suggesting it was a bad thing might be good. 'We're thrilled about it' might do.

I tried for years, lost 3 babies and had to go through IVF, with little apparent hope of success, so now I've finally managed to have a baby, I'm not complaining about anything (except other people of course). I'm just eternally grateful to have her. I'm sure I will get around to moaning at some point. It's OK for people to find it tough, but we have a choice whether we want to do it or not and people shouldn't assume it's a terrible burden for us if we manage it!

I have a 5 yr gap between ds and dd and will have a 19 mnth gap between dd and bump.....I got the do you not have a telly? My reply was of course but im a good Catholic

I have two DD's and there is one year and one week between them! Whilst i was pregnant with DD1 i got funny looks all the time, everyone would ask how old DD1 is and when i told them i would always recieve comments such as OMG how will you cope?!?! I got asked if i was crazy or stupid or both! Everyone always told me how i would struggle. And in all honesty i was terrified of giving birth because of these comments and i questioned how i would cope, but simply put you cope because you have to! You do it all and more because you are a mum and thats what mums do! To be honest some days we dont even get dressed but hey im cool with that! Overall its been great so far and i love watching both DD's interact together, some nights i think wow how did i get through today but i did get through it and we wake up the following morning and do it all again. Although an age gap as close as this was not planned im glad it happened and wouldnt change it for the world, i cant wait to watch them both grow and develop even more together :-)

Thank you ladies. All very much appriceated. We are over the moon so sod everyone else. I'm due in May and we plan to move before then, so our not to little family have lots of exciting things to look forward to. After I found out I was expecting number 3 I was numb. Excited but was so worried about other people, instead of just enjoying it,Those people actually don't matter in the grande scheme of things. If I shoved my kids off on who ever would have them then maybe but I don't.
It's hard to know whether comments made were supposed to piss me off like they did, damn hormones. But I'm glad im not the only one who has had them. I'm actually the third to annouce a small age gap at the school we all have babies the same age and expecting again. Ha. It happens and it's wonderful.
All those crappy negative tests, i finally got my positive, then my surprise baby. It's great.
Like you said il cope because I'm a mum and we have too.

11 months between me and my brother. We've always been close. 11 years between hubby and his sis, they love each other to bits. Fuck other people's opinions, your family, your rules x

I have a 16mth gap between my two and don't recall any rude comments (mine are teens now so I might have completely forgotten). When they were younger people did occasionally ask me if they were twins, later on people thought dd was older (poor ds!).

I have to admit personally I found the first couple of years with both of them pretty hellish, but I'm not really a baby person and I don't do well without a good nights sleep either. Once they were both toddlers it's been great though and they are still best of friends at a point when it seems like many siblings really don't like each other at all.

missed an exact 1 year gap by 2 days here! I hid my pregnancy with ds until I was nearly 6 months, I was dreading what people would say, I became very bitter about people who were out enjoying their pregnancies while I was scared to admit mine. then when we did finally let the cat out of the bag, there were no congratulations. just 'oh' , 'you hid that well' , then came all the 'how will you cope?!' comments and 'your poor dd' there was no one saying positive things and that really got to me. I started to believe them. how would I cope??
I then went 2 weeks overdue and got induced ending in a c section from an undiagnosed brow presentation. I couldn't even lift my dd for about a week. it was extremely hard, and very trying on my marriage.
but you know what? they are now 1 and 2 and its honestly amazing. yes the first few weeks will be incredibly hard when they both cry at the same time, or baby has just fallen asleep on you after hours of fighting it and then the older one does a poop. but you will find some degree of normality and a routine that works for you and not only will you cope, you will love it. and my 'poor dd' has the most amazing relationship with her brother, they are completely inseparable. I now look at kids her age without a sibling to run around with and think 'poor them' please please dont let the comments get to you and just enjoy your pregnancy. I wish I could go back and enjoy it.
oh and we are ttc number 3, which will work out 3 under 3 so it cant be that bad

Aww wow bless you. Good luck TTC

At first I was so scared to enjoy it because of others. Then I thought why the hell should I. I wanted to enjoy my pregnancy.
To be fair most people have said congratulations it's the comments after.
This will be your last then? Umm maybe, maybe not. We will see. Ha.
People don't realise it took 2 years to have our little girl, so don't realise how lucky we actually feel. And how hurtful when they make you feel like you've made a mistake. Bastards.
I think your story is lovely and we need to enjoy every minute, I say with a foot wedged in my ribs. Ha.
I know what you mean about age gap, whilst my son is amazing with his little sister he never had anyone to run around and play with, I've recently found out my sister is expecting so I'm made up for her. All our babies growing close in age. Xxx

People are strange. I had two in quick succession and got comments like 'Is your TV broken?' I just replied 'Are you trying to be funny?' That would usually work.

As for how will you cope? Well I'll tell you it's not easy but you can do it. You've got recent experience with a newborn so you're already ahead of the game. I thought it would be tough on my eldest but she just loved the baby and she soon became my little helper. She didn't have to grow up faster, she just enjoyed being a big sister.

Now they are both toddlers, they comfort each other when sad. They hug and kiss each other all the time and are starting to be able to play together. It's a joy to watch them growing together, it has been hard work but the rewards are way beyond anything I expected.

Congratulations, welcome to the two under two club