Small age gap comments!

[Jenny1231990]

Hi all, I feel completely pissed off but don't know if it's my hormones or what.
I have a 6 year old son, 8month old daughter and I'm 24 weeks pregnant.
We tried for 2 years with our daughter and yes fell pregnant sooner than we thought but are delighted and feel blessed.
Yesterday we had a small family party to go to, my nieces 3rd birthday, my cousin walked in and made some comment in jest about not being able to keep my legs closed, to which I smiled and walked away. I wasn't sure how to react.
Another lady who I've never met before heard the news of our new arrival and started harping on about how hard it's going to be. Il need my daughter out of nappies and bottles by the time this ones born. Well she will only just have turned one so highly unlikely, is it true though? Will I have to make my baby girl grow up quickly to accommodate a new baby coming in? Or can I just enjoy my babies for as long as I can.
I had a few other comments throughout the day saying we are mad and whatever.
I don't ask anyone for help, ever.
I've only ever left my dd with her dad, all my children are clean, looked after and happy so why comment.
I've another party in feb and it will be the whole family, I'm dreading it.

Anyone have any advice. Should I just smile and think fuck you in my head.

I think I'd just point out how incredibly rude they're being when they're essentially saying that you value your sex life more important than looking after your baby (re. the comment about not being able to keep your legs closed - I'm not sure I'd be able to not respond to that and. I'm not argumentative/confrontational in the slightest).
As for the other comments, I'd just smile and say, "I'm sure I'll cope."

I'm not going to lie, a small age gap is challenging (I have a 17 month gap between mine) but it is do-able and it very quickly settles down, becomes less chaotic and easier.
Of course it's possible to have two in nappies and still needing milk - how does she think parents of twins cope?! Ds was nowhere near ready to be potty trained by the time dd came along - in fact, he was nearly 3 when he was; and then he took less than a week to crack it. I used to change both their bums at the same time unless one had pooed (and even then, they both seemed to poo in tandem ). It did feel as though all I ever did was change crappy nappies but, as you already know, it doesn't last forever.
I used to time ds' meals around dd's bottles and, because he could use a cup by himself by the time he was one, he had his bedtime and his morning milk at the same time as I was feeding dd. I used to prepare both at the same time and it made life for me much easier.
I weaned dd at around 6 months and then just gave both dc their meals at the same time.
Even though a small age gap us difficult in terms of having two small, needy and dependant children requiring lots of your attention at the same time, I'd imagine that it's not that much different to having a newborn and an older child who still needs a regular routine, discipline, attention etc.
Sorry that it's a bit of a rambled answer but hopefully it still makes sense!
Congratulations on your pregnancy btw

CONGRATULATIONS!

People are very strange!
I had all sorts of uncomplimentary comments with my DC (4 all 18 months apart or so). Nobody congratulated me on hearing I was pregnant after the first one...just raised their eyebrows or said something insensitive.
yes there are challenges with handling 2 tinies at the same time...but no more so than looking after a demanding toddler and a baby which is more the norm and as they grow up you will see the benefits as they play ( and fight) together!

Congratulations!
I got pregnant with my DS when DD was 6 months old and I was petrified! But I wouldn't have it any other way! There were some hard day but surely there would be no matter the age gap! Anyway, DS is 1 next week and they're the best of friends. People are always going to have something to say but don't let it get to you

I'm going to have a 20 month gap which isn't even that small and I still get comments. FIL said 'you silly people. Buy a TV to watch in bed in future' when we told him! Nearly everyone has said 'you're brave' or something along those lines. Even the midwife said 'you're going to have a baptism of fire'. Not even sure what that means!! People like to comment. It's extremely rude, IMO. Ignore, ignore, ignore and think how lovely it will be when they're older

I'm expecting my baby when ds will be around 19 months and overwhelmingly the response has been "you must be mad". Lots of "god you'll be knackered" and someone looked at ds and said "he's not going to know whats hit him". Most of my real friends have been lovely though and my stock response is "this is exactly how we wanted it", because, well, it is!

We get 'she's not going to know what's hit her' about DD too. In my view she'll be young enough to not really know any different!

People like to judge other people's choices for all sorts of reasons. Even if it is going to be tough (and I'm under no illusion that it will be easy!) that's my problem, not theirs, surely?

I'm hoping that with a small age gap, yes it will be hard for a while, but then once they're both sleeping through in a couple of years, it's going to be much easier. You've done all your sleepless nights and the tricky hands on all the time stuff and it will just get easier.
Here's hoping anyway! It's the sleeplessness I struggle most with.

People can be such arseholes. Is it too late to tell people that you planned it this way? Then you can give them your best disgusted look and walk off. Everyone seems to have an opinion on everything that's nothing to do with them

You'll be fine. People were horrified that I was having twins and had a 3yo - we survived and it wasn't that bad (In this house it's the toddler years that were a battle). Dtds are very close and have a lovely playmate so never lonely. just confidently smile and say it's the family I've always dreamed of. That shuts them up.

Thank you for all of your lovely replies I'm very emotional at the moment. Very stressed with other family issues. So sometimes I don't know if I'm the one being over the top.
I was taken back with the comment about keeping my legs shut. I didn't know how to react. I didn't speak to her for the rest of the party. We arnt even close I see her a couple of times a year.
Yes I'm under no illusion that this will be easy and I even have my Eeek days. But we wanted this and our baby's are all very much wanted.
It took us so long to fall with dd we let Mother Nature decide, she's been an amazing baby and her big brother dotes on her. I feel very lucky.
We will get into a routine eventually. She is a clingy baby, so I am hoping she will be ok.
my baby's bond and friendship will make it all worth it.
Another cousin was asking how I was feeling and I said I feel good, ill at first as I had shingles but didn't know I was pregnant at the time, she said loudly ' oh it thought it was planned' I said well it was but it before I knew as obviously my cycle wasn't back to normal.

A couple of the mums were talking about small age gaps At the school the other day, as if it was a mistake. I did say by baby was planned and very much wanted, if I could turn back time I wouldn't.
I just can't understand why people are so hurtful in their comments, grown adults too.
My son was also around 3 when potty trained so I have no intention in rushing my little girl, they get it in their own time.
Thank you all

I've no experience personaly, but I have a couple friends with very small age gaps, and whilst there are challenges (IMO that's true no matter what age gap), the kids are really good friends and love each other to bits.

Ignore your rude family members- enjoy your kids!

My sisters children are 10 months apart. She said it was hard work, but in the same way as twins are hard work. She certainly didn't make the older child grow up quicker as a result of having a younger baby. Your two will both still be babies, just at slightly different stages, so you will enjoy them both as babies together.

I would ignore comments tbh. It seems "making babies" is one subject that people feel is acceptable to comment on regardless of how well they know the person or their circumstances. Stating their opinion on your age gap is no more rude than asking someone with 1 child when they will be having no.2 IMO, without any idea if there is a reason why they have only 1 child (which could range from terrible PND that they do not want to go through again, to several miscarriages trying to have no2, and all reasons in between).

Good luck with your pregnancy and I definitely think you "Smile and think fuck you in your head" approach is the way to go ;-)

Congratulations i think smiling whilst thinking f*ck you is a great response!
We had the opposite as 7 years between DS and DD, people can be thick and rude with their comments. I know it's bloody hard but just ignore them and enjoy your babies.

17 month gap. Baby is now 5 months. It's fine. Not half as bad as you expect! I'm up twice a night still but am coping batter second time around.
Not a nightmare at all!
You will be fine. Everyone has an opinion on things like this don't they? And the less experienced the person the bigger the opinion!

My sister has three children with gaps of 16 months and then 15 months. She absolutely loved it as she never "left" the baby phase so never had to get used to it again when number 2 came along and after a year or so they just played together. They're teenagers now and get on really, really well. Plus they're all into the same sort of things and are always there for each other. it's lovely really.

Our oldest is just turned two and our third has the same due date as our second DS who is basically a newborn! It is likely we'll have three in nappies at the same time.

I had a Christmas of hilarious 'jokes'. No one said anything to my DH. Was getting sick of pretending to find it funny.

We couldn't be happier.

The funniest thing is the midwife carrying your baby to your antenal appointment!

Enjoy, and try to ignore them all!

I had 6 dc in 7 years (no twins) so they are all very close together in age. The comments are very annoying but you can't stop them so try to ignore them.

My dc3 and 4 are 13 months apart. Youngest is 15 weeks now and it's been much better than I thought it would. They adore each other dc3 often "gives" (throws) him toys and dc4s face lights up when he sees his big brother. I'm sure they will fight but at the moment it's amazing :)

Why can't people just say 'congratulations, what lovely news!'? Maybe it's jealousy if they think they couldn't cope and know you probably can? I think you're wise and brave. I really want 2 under 2, but after breastfeeding and sleepless nights for a year, I'm wondering if I'm physically strong enough.

Congratulations OP

Personally I can't believe what a crass comment your cousin made- does she have DCs of her own?

She sounds like she either A) is young and hasn't a clue or B) is a bit envious and has covered it up with rudeness teasing.

Either way I think the problem is hers, not yours.

FWIW I'm a bit envious myself!

We had 3 under 4.

Checking in for a ferry trip when dd2 was 10 days old, ds 22 months and dd1 3.10, the guy taking the tickets asked "was your telly broken?". And then waited for an answer!

I have an 11 month gap between my two eldest. It was hard work at first but so worth it now. I had lots of comments too but I have found over the years that lots of people seem to need to comment for the sake of it and if it wasn't about the age gap it would be so thing else like gender. Enjoy your babies

Lovely replies thank you, thing is I'm actually really excited, luckily after my 2nd I felt great, and the birth was great too.
Yes my cousin has 2 children of her own. She struggled to look after them so maybe their was an element of jealously.
Makes me laugh cos the age gap between her and her brother are the same.
I definitely think il just ignore it from now on, and do what makes me and my little family happy. I was going to avoid the other party but think I will go now.
All these stories of smaller age gaps are amazing. Thank you so much.

I would never say anything like your cousin did but I think I have innocently said to friends that they are brave, or I can't imagine what it's like having another one. I would only have said this sort of thing because I only have one (10 months) and really can't imagine trying to deal with another one or a pregnancy any time soon, so I would be saying it in genuine admiration rather than criticism, if that makes sense. I wouldn't have implied that they weren't planned as that's none of my business, but having read this thread I think I'll be more careful what I say in future just in case it sounds like I'm criticising.