How did you know you had had your final baby??

[chainedtothedesk]

I have two lovely children but always thought I would have more. Up until recently I would have done anything to have a 3rd and now my husband has agreed. And suddenly after years of wanting I am doubting our decision.

There seem to be so many practical reasons why it is NOT a good idea to have more children. Our house isn't really big enough, I'd have to take time off work again (i'm self-employed), the cost of childcare, etc. etc. My daughter is 7, my son is 4. Another baby would mean starting all over again just as my youngest is starting school.

Also, I'm approaching my late 30s so it kind of feels like its a 'now or never' moment and I can't shift the thought that another baby would 'complete' me.

I can't stand the thought of getting rid of all the baby stuff that I've kept hold of 'just in case'. And the thought that my baby years may be over really saddens me. But then this isn't a good enough reason to have more is it?

Is this a stage that everyone goes through? I feel I'm getting slightly obsessed about it and always analysing the pros and cons. Whenever i see a family with 3 kids I think that's what I want. But I have a great little family now - so why rock the boat??!

Please help! I feel a decision needs to be made and then I can get over this obsession and move on.

My two thoughts on this subject are:

1. You don't have to get rid of baby stuff until you want to. Whatever you decide.

1. Can you leave it to chance ntnp?

We are on the verge of going for number 3. Definitely doing it but we do have our doubts when the other two don't sleep enough

I so thought I was done while pregnant with DC3.

Although only 23, I was knackered. I already had a boy and girl, found out their sexes but didn't find out with DC3 so I'd done both the finding out and having a surprise.

I just had enough of throwing up and putting on weight and crying all the time at random things.

I'd always wanted a dark-haired baby, my first two were so blonde they looked bald but DC3 was born with dark hair and looked absolutely perfect (she's blonde now!). I remember saying to DH "she is the perfect way to complete our family".

We only have a 3 bedroom house and a 5 seater car.

Yet now DC3 is 2 and I am broody again :(

So for me it hasn't been as clear cut as I thought it would be!

Eh, we all have hormones, but we don't have to capitulate to them if we don't want to!

After a horrific first 18 months with dd2 I had had more than enough babies, then I got drunk1 night and 9 months later ds arrived. Another nightmare baby and we were both agreed on 3 being our family. Dh changed his mind after a couple of yrs but it wasn't until he was 3 that I decided we should have no4. The day after our 12wk scan dh booked a drs appointment for the snip as no4 was actually 4&5. At 5 kids we are more than done.

slightly I know of other cases like that!

In the most simple terms, after DC3 it felt like there was a gap, after DC4, there wasn't. It was a little more complicated, my age, my health condition when pregnant, the extra pressure of pregnancy monitoring after a FT SB ... I still love babies, I just feel after 10 years of pregnancies and losses as well as successes, we have been through the mill, both physically and emotionally and that is that.

Sounds like your head is saying 2 but your heart is saying 3. Usually I would say follow your heart.

I have two and it's perfect for us!

I have 2 dd's aged 4.5years and 14 months and I think we are finished but there is that doubt in the back of my mind too.

I think though that my doubt is more about me moving on from the baby stage more than me wanting another baby if that makes sense? I can't believe I won't breast feed another newborn, won't smell that delicious newborn breath. I can't believe that once I finish bf dd2 that will be my breast feeding days over. It's all so final. It's almost like the end of an era. But I'm not sure that equates to me wanting another baby. Because on the other hand I am genuinely not sure we can go through the sleepless nights again, we can't afford the child care costs for two never mind 3....

I'm torn!!

I am similar. My dcs are. 4 and 2. Life has just got easier. Sleep etc. but I always wanted three. Dd took years to conceive. Ds took minutes. So this time we are trying not to stress. Going to not use contraception until next Xmas and see what happens. Dtd roughly the right times but no ovulation sticks.

Maybe your husband's change of heart is what is making you feel a bit unsure - you've been wanting another, but not really making the commitment because he's said no until now. Suddenly the possibility of a third is real and you are pausing for thought.

I always thought I'd have 4, but had a big gap between 2 and 3 (husband didn't want more, but our first weekend away without children produced unexpected number 3!). Pregnancy never suited me, and I had quite bad PND with no 3, so decided that it wasn't a good idea for any of us if we had another. 3 seems right now. A certain amount of hankering after "just one more" is entirely normal, I think, but just remember how hard the older baby and toddler stage is!

The thing is I don't actually want a baby. I don't want to be pregnant. I don't want a newborn. BUT I do want three kids. I love the stage that my kids are at now and would love to go through this period again despite the fact that I seem to spend my life telling them to put their shoes on, take their coats off, brush their teeth etc. and yelling at them not to yell at each other! :)

This decision isn't getting any easier!! I have been debating this for months now and my opinion can change in an instant! I don't get broody for newborns (I associate that stage with horrendous sleep deprivation and feeling sore, bruised and battered) but when I see a family of 5 I want my family to be like that. For me a pregnancy and the newborn stage are just phases that you need to get through to get to the good bit.

Maybe your husband's change of heart is what is making you feel a bit unsure - you've been wanting another, but not really making the commitment because he's said no until now. Suddenly the possibility of a third is real and you are pausing for thought.

Clobbered - this is exactly the case. For a long time (years maybe) I thought that if he agreed then we would start trying immediately, no looking back. The potential baby was a long way off in the future and now he has agreed to try I'm so worried that I may have talked him into making a really silly decision. The ball feels back in my court again...

I just feel if we don't try, then I may always wonder and I'm hanging onto baby stuff instead of moving on. Some of you have suggested that we don't actively try but to me I think, that is pretty much making the decision that you are going to have a baby.

Following with interest. We have two lovely dds through assisted conception. Youngest is a year now. We are paying for storage of the remaining samples until we know we are done.

I had hideous sickness and swore two was it, but can't shake the feeling that we should try with the remaining samples and what will be will be. Then I consider how bloody lucky we are that it worked out twice and that we have our lovely girls, and I remember the heartache and the procedures and the 2ww and the drugs. I don't want to tempt fate and I doubt I'd take it well if it didn't work.

It's a very tricky place to be. I hope your decision works for you OP, whatever it is.

DCs are 8,6 and 4. I knew I was done after ds2 was born lately a few friends ad family members have had babies and I do feel I bit sad that I will never have a tiny baby again. But in a nostalgic way rather than a broody way.

Thanks kavv0809. For me, the pregnancy part is just a short time to get through. I had easy pregnancies though so perhaps I was lucky. I enjoyed being pregnant but I prefer having my body back. Its the next 18 years I'm worrying about! Maybe I'm over thinking...

I'm struggling to see how my OH is not having sleepless nights over this like I am. He was happy with 2. Now he'd be happy with 3.... or 2 still. Pretty much whatever I decide! (Wow reading this - he sounds rather lovely doesn't he?!). He knows the practical downsides as well as I do. I was scared about voicing my doubts initially thinking he would then say that if I wasn't 100% sure then we shouldn't consider it. But he didn't. He really is happy to let me decide. (for now...?) Maybe just looking forward to a bit more bedroom action...?

I have 3 - 6,4 and 11 months. I always knew after DC2 that there was someone missing. But now DD2 is here, I know 100% that I"m done, with a surprising degree of certainty. I do pregnancy appallingly badly, and last time was crippled by SPD from about 32 weeks. I also feel very stretched thin as it is - any more and my kids as well as my marriage would really suffer. So - all the baby stuff is going, bit by bit, and DH had the snip a few months ago. The thought of another pregnancy now truly horrifies me, which is an odd feeling having spent most of the last 8 years either pregnant, trying to be or wanting to be!

BrieAndChilli and zoemaguire, you both have 3 and feel 'done'. I think if I had 3, our family would feel complete too. There is no way I would have 4. Decision would be well and truly made.

Yep, there is a real liberation in that I must admit. Having a third has been astonishingly hard work, though, and though I wouldn't be without her, I do (and I know DH does more) sometimes wonder if we have overstretched ourselves. But like you, I always wanted another child not another baby, and I know from experience that the 6mo-2 stretch is one of the hardest! I'll tell you in 5 years time whether it gets easier:)

It is odd as ds2 was a surprise and I had 1 boy and 1 girl which is seen as the 'perfect family' and I wasn't desperate for another although we had said never say never. But I didn't realise ds2 was missing from the family until he arrived. Looking back 2 never felt like a complete family, 3 feels right for us even if we are out numbered sometimes and we are skint and everything is geared for 2+2 familys!
I think for us a large part if it was ds1 has aspergers traits, extremely gifted but very antisocial etc so having 2 children who don't have those traits brings a bit more play Into the house and therefore ds1 gets drawn into games etx he wouldn't bother with before as he sees the other 2 having fun and also is outvoted on things so has to go places he doesn't want to and learn to compromise a lot which hopefully will ready him for the real world. Before ds2 we would just split and take 1 kid each. It wast a reason to have a third but is a happy side effect

When I had massive bleeds and ended up in ITU after both births. The consultant came round the next day and said "please tell me you'd be happy to stick with two"....!

I sometimes feel really sad there won't be any more babies, but we have two wonderful children and a lovely family life, so I have no complaints really.

We were done with two. DD will be 6 this year and DS 3. However I've recently discovered that DC3 is on the way so here we go again...!

chainedtothedesk I think you are me. That is how I feel - want 3 kids rather than another baby

Throughout my 3rd pregnancy I thought it would probably be my last. I don't enjoy being pregnant. I had a tricky labour and I don't know if that contributed but I know I'm done. No more babies. When your family is complete, you just know.

After our first when I have absolutely no real desire to have another and have happily parcelled off all baby stuff save for keepsakes! I love my dd but can't see is having another baby.

I have 3 dd's 7, 4, and 2. Nver felt I was "done" after having dd2 and I even went through bad pnd with her. But as I was literally "pushing" out dd3 I remember glancing out the window and thinking I am never ever doing this again and that was it. Now dd3 is 2 and no longer a baby I still don't have any broodiness, no pangs as I get rid of all the baby stuff more excitement that I can start enjoying the 3 I have and that this is us we are complete. I guess I am lucky that it seems to have been so black and white for me

blushingmare - same happened with me with first baby. Second one was fine though and I was told just because it happened with one, didn't mean it would happen again. Maybe I was lucky (or you unlucky?).

RabidZombie - Congrats!

wildpoppy - glad I'm not the only one. I don't miss the sleepless nights or the nappies. Its been nice to get some freedom back... But then the baby years do pass so quickly...

MummyPig24 - I remember being in labour and thinking 'I never have to do this again'. I quickly changed my mind though...

GingerDoodle - I think it must be great to 'know'. I'm not there yet!!