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Original poster

How do you deal with 18mo tantrums?

45 replies

Treesandbees · 08/01/2015 22:26

DS has started tantruming and I'm unsure how to deal with them. It's simple things that seem to set him off like not wanting to put his coat or shoes on to leave the house or leave the park or get in the bath or jumping on the dog...sigh! This results in monumental meltdown. No consoling helps, distraction doesn't help, ignoring doesn't help. Do I need to start a naughty step? Not sure he would understand the concept though? Any tips?

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WerewolfBarMitzvah · 08/01/2015 22:28

No idea - but we are going through the same thing, so sympathies.
I try to ignore - as much as you can ignore an ear-piercing scream.

poocatcherchampion · 08/01/2015 22:28

Way too young for naughty step imo. I'd barely put my nearly 3 yo on if I believed in it

Dd2 16mo loves to tantrum. I mostly leave her to it and offer a hug every now and then. She gets over it

Haggisfish · 08/01/2015 22:31

Yes I just gently lie him down, he squawks, I leave him for a few minutes and them distract him with a toy or food. Absolutely no point in a naughty step at that age, surely?

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GothicRainbow · 08/01/2015 22:33

We have a 19 month old DS who is perfecting the art of the tantrum. He has got it down to a very high shrill ear piercing scream, followed by collapsing into a heap on the floor with thrashing and more screaming.

Cuddling does not work for us, if he is physically safe I ignore it and if it's over something non-negotiable like putting on shoes and coat before we go out I carry on regardless and put them on him around the thrashing. They usually stop as suddenly as they start - it's quite something to behold!!

No further advice really I'm afraid other than to sympathise massively - this stage does seem to be a bit shitty!

CrispyFern · 08/01/2015 22:33

I usually try not to let mine see me giggle and get DH to come see how cute it is. Toddler rage, ahhhhhh.

GothicRainbow · 08/01/2015 22:34

Oh god yes, if I laugh and he sees me it seems to make him angrier!

Original poster

Treesandbees · 09/01/2015 07:58

Good to know I'm not alone! I didn't really think a naughty step was an option but thought I'd put it out there as I had no other ideas! Will continue to put shoes/coat on whilst thrashing/crying insues!

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LackingCommonSense · 09/01/2015 10:33

Another one with an 18mo tantruming DS here! Also had a meltdown over shoes and coat this morning! I carried on regardless. It depends what's he's kicking off about as the previous poster mentioned - if it's non negotiable I carry on. He often likes to complain that I won't pick him up when I getting ready for work so I ignore him as best I can and eventually he'll give him. Distraction rarely works for us to be honest.

Queazy · 09/01/2015 13:42

Carrying on regardless at nappy changing is getting interesting! Everything has started taking double the time.

Amummyatlast · 09/01/2015 13:56

I find it difficult in that I don't want to reinforce the behaviour, but tantrums can catch you by surprise. Last night my 17 month old was playing with the fridge magnets and I wanted to go and sit in the living room (the oven was on so I couldn't leave her in the kitchen and she has learned to open doors). I took her hand to lead her into the room (saying what I was doing) and she started the arm/leg thrashing thing. I stopped and let her continue playing, because I didn't really care too much whether we were in the living room or kitchen, but I worry that I'm then reinforcing the tantruming.

GothicRainbow · 09/01/2015 17:56

Amummy I would call that surviving rather than reinforcing! You do what you've got to do and I always think you need to pick your battles!!

Queazy do you have any videos of your little one on your phone? If my DS doesn't want a bum change and is kicking off these seem to shut him up pretty sharpish and suddenly I have a very compliant toddler!

cleoteacher · 09/01/2015 18:02

I ve started copying my ds when he has tantrums and it works. He says no stop mummy and I say I ll stop if he does. It takes a few times but more often than not he stops.

As he's a bit younger and do is your dc I do sit out. So a few warnings and then he sits away from the activity on his own and I walk away and he's left. Only for a couple of minutes. Usually I only need to threaten it and he stops he hates sit out. But I am careful not to over use it as it won't work if done too much.

GothicRainbow · 10/01/2015 13:56

How goes it with the tantruming crew today?

We averted the coats and shoes tantrum as we left playgroup this morning with the tried and tested method of bribery!

Original poster

Treesandbees · 10/01/2015 19:23

Had mega tantrum day! On one of them I literally couldn't get him in the car seat as he went rigid and screamed! My and OH we're trying to rationalise it and we think we've been pushing his routine a bit (eg not getting home on time for lunch/naps). So we're going to try and be more consistent and see if that helps.

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rallytog1 · 10/01/2015 20:42

We're having moderate success with a countdown strategy.

So, for example, if we're in Mothercare and dd is pushing that fecking toy pram around, we tell her we're leaving in 2 minutes. Then we tell her when there's one minute to go, then count down 54321. While she obviously doesn't totally get the numbers, she does seem to understand that we're moving towards a change of activity and it gives her time to come round to the idea.

She's even started getting ahead of us - so I was doing 2 minute countdown for her nap the other day, and she picked a book and a bear, then took herself off to the bottom of the stairs before I'd got to one minute!

I think it works because things don't come as so much of a surprise and she feels a little bit in control because she's got a bit of time that's still hers before the next thing happens. It doesn't work all the time, but things have been better for us since we started it.

kate1516 · 10/01/2015 20:56

I am totally struggling with this too. Tantrums over the oddest things but definitely putting clothes on, having nappy changes, getting in car seat and not being given food instantly on request have become tantrumable activities. It doesn't help when nursery say he is fine with them! I am trying distraction and then just carrying on and ignoring the tantrum. Already hard work. God knows what he will be like during the terrible twos!

Chunderella · 11/01/2015 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GothicRainbow · 12/01/2015 13:00

It is just so funny though! My DS has started to drop to his knees at the beginnings of a tantrum and then he'll go on to all fours and eventually roll himself on to his back.

He's like the hero in a movie when they find out a loved one has been kidnapped/hurt and they then drop to their knees and shout towards the sky

LackingCommonSense · 13/01/2015 10:36

We'd been doing reasonably well actually, but then we had the worst one yet yesterday because he didn't want his nap despite rubbing his eyes and yawning!

He wanted books to be read and to go downstairs (to his toys) and basically anything except sleep. We had the devastated crying, rolling around, fists to the floor, kicking, his comforter flung away the best bit was when he tried to shut himself in the bathroom but the door won't stay shut without using the handle so every time it opened again he'd fling it and shout at me. Never seen anything like it! He seems to have hit the terrible twos over the weekend!

GothicRainbow · 14/01/2015 12:58

Ooh Lacking that sounds like a biggie! Was he tired after he had calmed down though? I can always guarantee if we've had a few tantrums through the morning we will get a nap at some point in the afternoon as they use so much energy!

purplemurple1 · 14/01/2015 13:36

Mines 16months and tatics varry, for getting dressed, nappy, teeth etc I carry on regardless. But try to let him help / give him something to do or play with.

His normal 'problem' is he wants to be picked up I do when I can but if I can't I either ignore him (if I know it will be quick), put him in his highchair next to me or distract him with things to take somewhere (his fav activity).

Otherwise it is becasue he can't do something (put on his own shoes, climb somewhere etc) then I leave him to it as I've learnt helping leads to a melt down. A lot of the time I know it is just because he is either tired or hungry as this massivily affects his coordination, so I tend to sit on the floor so he can come to me when he has calmed down enough to have a hug (if I try to hug him he to early he goes crazy!) I am seeing that saying 'calm down and try again' before he kicks off, does weirdly seem to work with a lot of these tantrums though.

LackingCommonSense · 14/01/2015 17:13

Yes he was knackered, especially after that outburst but then had a crappy nap so continued to be a little bugger for the remainder of the day

theendoftheendoftheend · 14/01/2015 17:19

Mines older, she's 22 months, but today she pulled and bit a clump of my hair out. I've never met a toddler with such anger issues in my life and have no idea how to deal with it as she either laughs or tries to slap/pinch/bite/pull hair if I (or anyone!) tries to deal with it. I dread her going to nursery!

Millie3030 · 14/01/2015 20:24

Oh can I join? I have a 18 month DS, and going through the same thing with his tantrums. The other day on the walk back from nursery he has his little rucksack on his back, when i had to take it off to put him in his car seat he was screaming and had a total meltdown, and hitting me as I'm trying to put him in.
Things he will tantrum over-
• waiting for food
• being told no
• toys not doing as he wants
• absolutely nothing.
It's exhausting!

GothicRainbow · 15/01/2015 12:48

Hi Millie Yeh of course pull up a chair in tantrum land - feel free to vent/moan/provide survival tips and stories!!

Theendof that sounds bloody awful! Maybe she needs to go to nursery?? Have someone else place restrictions for a change and see if that has an affect?

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