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Parenting

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Original poster

Nearly 9 year gap between children!! Thoughts?

38 replies

LalaLeona · 08/01/2015 10:15

Hi there, I have a just turned 8 year old dd, and I am trying to conceive right now. I Had to wait this long due to health and financial reasons. I just wondered, am I crazy?! The age gap is so large they will not have much in common, and I expect my daughter will be a little jealous after having all our attention for 8 years. She does not even want a sibling. (She has a 21 year old "half sister" who lives with her mum, so she doesn't see herself as not having a sibling), and also she says she doesn't want anything to change, but I think it would be beneficial when she is an adult for her to have a sibling. Also our home just feels so quiet with just the 3 of us and somehow I always feel as though something is missing. Do you think it's better to have a 9 year gap or better to stay as an "only"?? Just wondered if anyone has experience of a big gap or opinions. Thank you so much for reading x

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Original poster

LalaLeona · 24/01/2015 20:15

I just don't want to do anything I will regret-but some people have loads of babies, seemingly without even thinking about it! Wish I could just do it without all the worry and angst..but I am a massive over thinker!

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 24/01/2015 20:20

Do you want a baby or do you want a sibling for her? If you're doing it because you want a baby, fine. If you're doing it because you wanted to have a sibling, I would say don't.

It will be like raising two only children, except at the same time. Quite nice in a way, I think, because for every negative about every stage you've got the opposite right there - when you're stressing about how complicated friendship and school issues are with a preteen, you'll have a cute, simple, baby to distract you. When you're dealing with incontinence, lack of speech and total reliance you will be so happy to have at least one child who can make herself a sandwich and have an actual conversation with you.

museumum · 24/01/2015 20:26

I think it's a tricky age gap to work with. I am seven years older than my brother, it was fine but we didn't share a childhood - the overlap between him being old enough to remember and me still going on family trips is small. We were never at the same school. I went to uni before he went to secondary school.
In the end we have nothing in common but we don't dislike each other.

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Original poster

LalaLeona · 24/02/2015 13:27

To those of you who don't get on with your big age gap sibling, is there anything your parents could have done to help parenting wise x

OP posts:

mayaknew · 24/02/2015 13:36

I have a nearly 10yo and a 2yo and we are going to ttc our third pretty soon .

I have a 7.5 year gap between dd and ds and it is fine ! She was old enough to be a little helper to me and she was included in things by having little jobs to do for him like she helped me bath him and change his nappy and she completely lapped it up

Similar reasons to yourself for the age gap op , but I won't do it again and want ds to grow up with a sibling closer to age so that is why we are ttc soon , hopefully all going well , having another before he is 4 . Then I'm done!

neversleepagain · 24/02/2015 13:39

I am one of 4 girls. There is 10.5 years between me and my youngest sister. We have s fantastic relationship, always have. I was like a second mum to her and we are extremely close. Because of this I always wanted a big age gap but fate stepped in and decided two minutes was enough of a gap between my dc1 & dc2.

ScotsWhaHae · 24/02/2015 13:48

10 years between my sister and I. Love it! It was her I went to when I started my period and she bought me my first bra with her YTS wage.

The gap felt big at some points, like before she left home and was going out and having boyfriends whilst I was at home watching gladiators, jealous! But I had the best hand me down make up and wardrobe in my year!

When she left home I was 16 and would visit her once a week and have a few glasses of wine.

Now there's like nothing between us at all. That wonderful middle ground between me and my mums age who understood life and the teenage struggle!

There's 7 years between my boys and seeing my ds1 flourish as an amazing, considerate big brother has been amazing!

ScotsWhaHae · 24/02/2015 13:50

There's 18m between my husband and his brother. They see each other once a year. No contact in between. They haven't fell out they just don't get on.

fishfingerSarnies · 24/02/2015 13:55

There are 8 years between my brother and I and 9 years between my sister and I , I loved having a little brother and sister while I was younge, there was a number of years where I was off doing my own thing and they were still at home and we weren't that close but now I'm very close to my sister, we have a lovely relationship always have. My brother is a different story but that's nothing to do with age gap. I say go for it and good luck. X

Floralnomad · 24/02/2015 14:06

I have a 6.5 yr age gap with my dc ,mainly due to health reasons . My eldest did not want a sibling ,he was a very happy only child and frankly they didn't get on at all as children and it's only been the last couple of years that a truce has been called ( they are now 22&15) . I don't think the age difference is the reason they didn't get along I just think my eldest was happy on his own .

MRSJWRTWR · 24/02/2015 14:51

DS1 is 16 and DS2 8. They get on better now but to be honest it has been hard work at times. DS1 did not want a sibling and was quite happy being an only, he was quite jealous of DS2 at first and still is sometimes. It has been difficult trying to find things to do that they could both enjoy when DS2 was younger and also find time during the day to spend time with DS1 without a toddler interrupting all the time.

One of the most important things I think is to make 1 to 1 time for the eldest. DS1 would come and watch a film or something with us once DS2 was in bed or the GPs would have DS2 for the day and we would go out with DS1.

I must admit it is lovely for me now as I can get the best of both worlds, lovely conversations and grown up time with DS1 but also all the cuddles and play with DS2.

OnlymeT · 17/09/2023 17:27

I'm the younger sibling out of the 4 of us, my siblings were 16/14 my dads first marriage when I was born don't get on with my sister but love my brother, then there is my real sister who was 9 when I was born, she hates me always has so jealous of me, will tell lies about me and always treats me like a kid. Even now I'm 45 and she's 53 she's so childish towards me, very narcissistic and manipulating and will do anything to make sure I'm hurt and suffering,

LivinTheDream7 · 17/09/2023 17:34

There’s a ten year age gap between me and my youngest brother - and we get on like a house on fire! There’s four of us: oldest brother (11 months between us, me, sister (5 years between us) and youngest brother (10 years between).

I actually told my mum (which I regret now) to get rid of him, I feel awful about it but at 10 I felt like I’d be forgotten about. But when he arrived, I was in love. My mum says now that I was like a second mum to him - I wanted to do the bottle feeding, change him, help bath him, just do whatever I could to look after him. Even to this day we’re still super close and he’s now 17! I don’t think there’s anything to worry about and she may even change her tune when a new baby arrives like I did!

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