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Original poster

Would you/ did you know your son was gay from an early age?

60 replies

ABitWorried · 13/10/2006 15:56

I have a relatively close (male) family member who is gay. I think it was quite obvious from a young age that he was 'different' and therefore wasn't surprised when he came out at about 18.

I have a son who is 7 and sometimes think I see similar traits, but then convince myself I'm just sensitive to it.

Are there any older mums out there with grown up gay sons? Did you 'know' ? What make you think?

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Jimjams2 · 13/10/2006 18:37

We suspect ds2 (aged 4)

It doesn't worry me though!

waterfalls · 13/10/2006 18:46

I have an inkling ds is (age 5.10) it does'nt bother me, I just hope he feels comfortable to tell me if/when the time comes.

Blu · 13/10/2006 18:52

My very close gay friend 'knew' from the age of 5 - although he didn't know anything about sexual attraction he said theat when he grew up he could identify having felt gay from such a young age.

If I go by many stereotyped traits (subtle as well as obvious) , I wouldn't be at all surprised if DS grows up gay.

But it isn't of worry to me, and I certainly won't be doing anything conscious to either encourage or discourage, only to make sure (as I would whether I had any thoughts whasoever about his sexuality) that he is full of self-esteem, self-respect and to celebrate the gorgeous little individual that he is!

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CountessDracula · 13/10/2006 18:56

my sil knew she was gay from a young age
The first person she remembers fancying was Mary Poppins!

Don't think her parents identified it though

Blu · 13/10/2006 18:57

My friends parents 'knew', I think.

Pinkchampagne · 13/10/2006 19:02

Ahhh, Blu, what a lovely mum you are!

I wouldn't be at all suprised if my DS1 turns out to be gay. He is a very sensitive boy, who it appears is being picked on by a girl in his class.
He is not a rough & tumble boy at all & he told his TA that he wants to be a princess when he grows up!! Say no more!!
It wouldn't worry me in the slightest though. I just want for both my boys to grow up happy.

Original poster
ABitWorried · 13/10/2006 20:53

Don't get me wrong - I'm not worried about the possibility - he's my son, is adorable and I love him, however he turns out.

Was just interested in what 'traits' others identified at an earlt age?

OP posts:
scoobytwo · 14/10/2006 11:30

how on earth can you suspect your child is gay at 4or5?sheesh if you go round saying you suspect them at this age youl push them into being gay,just let them grow up 1st

BATtymumma · 14/10/2006 11:52

i really dont think anyone can be pushed into being gay straight or into fraky dolls lol

there aren't any real traits though, i mena i have many many gay freinds who are far more feminine than me, yet i have a couple of others who seem so incredibly masculine and you couldnt tell if you tried.

Pruni · 14/10/2006 11:53

Message withdrawn

Gobbledispook · 14/10/2006 11:59

Hmmm, but my youngest brother was sooooo very sensitive as a child, was extremely happy to dress up in my ballet tutu and other girlie things, played with my girls things etc - I guess looking back you could have said it was quite feasible he'd be gay but he is absolutely not! He's a big, strapping police officer and most definitely NOT gay.

I'm not sure you can really tell at such a young age as lots of little boys are quite happy to play with dolls and dress up in girlie things. Or are you talking about other cues?

QueenEvil · 14/10/2006 12:00

Do dd's count?

dd (almost 15) had a thing with another girl last year, it all ended badly, they fell out, friends took sides, major fallout.

They look like they are getting back "on" again from what dd is telling me.

btw she told me when she was about 10 that she fancied Christina Aguilera so I have known for a while. Wouldn't bother me, her being gay per se. Only thing I would miss if she ended up that way (rather than this being a phase, which it could be, it's early days) is her not having kids in the conventional way.

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 14/10/2006 12:04

Firstly I think it is a fab thing that these days children can grow up knowing that their parents will accept them without having to suffer through the fear of rejection that gay eopple have lived through in the past.
Secondly I think that some little boys are more camp than others. I don't mean just liking dolls or dresses as they are just ordinary kids stuff whether male or female but just more flowery/flamboyant/sensitive and just a lttle more camp than others. And they may or may not grow up to be gay.
Thirdly people are not pushed into being gay

foxinsocks · 14/10/2006 12:04

a lot of girls experiment around that age though QE (like you say, not that it would matter if it did turn out to be a permanent thing)

two of my gay (male) friends from university (who I sadly lost touch with) both said they knew quite early on but found their feelings very confusing, especially through puberty

Pruni · 14/10/2006 12:07

Message withdrawn

Tattie100 · 14/10/2006 12:09

What traits do you see that make you wonder, abitworried? If he is sensitive, caring and thoughtful, he could be gay and he could be straight (probably too early for anyone to know for certain!), but just be glad that you seem to have spawned a really nice DS! All children play games with gender, dress up, play acting (I remember INSISTING on being a pirate one minute and then a princess the next) I think that it is important to explore different roles and identities as a child, it is how empathy is developed. Most important that children don't feel judged though - gay or straight self-esteem is MOST important for getting through life. Sorry to preach - just my opinion .

scoobytwo · 14/10/2006 12:26

as someone else pointed out most little boys play with the dolls prams,dolls,pink stuff as its all part of growing up,it doesnt mean they are camp or gay

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 14/10/2006 12:42

really really don't think that playing with "girly" stuff=gay

Think it means they are either acting out what it means to be a good husband and father (playing with babies etc) or they are...playing.

Dh is pretty "girly" really. It makes him a fantastic dad. Ds, who has grown up with a daddy who cooks, cleans, gets up in the night with the baby, likes flowers on his birthday and wears jumpers with big daisies on them, is, unsuprisingly, very into dolles, houseworky things, and generally stuff from Mothercare's pink aisle.

I really have absoluytely no problem whatsohever if ds (or dd) is gay. I just don't. To me its like objecting to their eye colour. Its part of them. And plenty of gay people have children and plenty of straight people can't or don't choose to do it, or form atypical (for want of a better word) families. Its all part of life's rich pagent, its part of finding out who they are, these twists make parenting all the more fun IMO.

scoobytwo · 14/10/2006 12:53

PRUNI why do you jump on me when i answer someones thread but every one else can have an opinion and you dont say owt

plummymummy · 14/10/2006 12:57

Ds is only two so too early to say. It's lovely that so many of you are accepting of the possibility, do your partners feel the same way? I think dh would be gutted.

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 14/10/2006 12:58

I think Scoobyt that the reason Pruni 'jumped' on you was because you were suggesting that children could be pushed into being gay....An attitude that gay people and indeed people who know gay people generally feel is unhelpful.

scoobytwo · 14/10/2006 12:59

i would accept them no matter what,its unconditional love isnt it but yes dh would take time im sure

scoobytwo · 14/10/2006 13:00

i was suggesting it shouldnt be an issue at such a young age thats all

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 14/10/2006 13:02

there are a couple of things that ds (and dd) could do that would completely and totally destroy dp.

Eg becoming leader of the Tory party

Or taking up DIY as a hobby

or drinking decaf coffee out of choice

being gay, however, is not one of them

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 14/10/2006 13:04

It was the way you phrased it that was a bit inflamatory I think. Most gay people feel that they were born gay so to suggest that someone could be pushed into being gay is kind of suggesting that there is a choice and that it is someones 'fault', ergo it is 'wrong' and how can something be wrong if you were just born that way iyswim.

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