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Parenting

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Original poster

Would you/ did you know your son was gay from an early age?

60 replies

ABitWorried · 13/10/2006 15:56

I have a relatively close (male) family member who is gay. I think it was quite obvious from a young age that he was 'different' and therefore wasn't surprised when he came out at about 18.

I have a son who is 7 and sometimes think I see similar traits, but then convince myself I'm just sensitive to it.

Are there any older mums out there with grown up gay sons? Did you 'know' ? What make you think?

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Tattie100 · 14/10/2006 13:05

Whilst "pushing" was perhaps not the best word to use, I think worrying about sexuality at too young an age could potentially increase a young child's confusion about themself at a time when they are to young to contextualise feelings that they have (gay or otherwise). Being sensitive to a child's feelings and maintaining an open dialogue as much as poss as they grow up (particularly into puberty) will make a child most comfortable with who they are, but I do think scooby-do was making a valid if badly phrased point.

scoobytwo · 14/10/2006 13:07

i see what you mean,i seem to have a problem with explaining things propley i however did live below 2 gay men for years&they where 2 of my best mates

scoobytwo · 14/10/2006 13:09

Tattie100 you phrased that better thats what i meant

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rustycreakingdoorbear · 14/10/2006 14:22

DD has a friend, now 16, who came out when he was 14 - in fact DD was his last girlfriend. His parents attitude seems to be if they acknowledge it, that will 'push' him further into it - which led to them totally ignoring the real reason he was being bullied at his very sport-oriented he-man school.
He is the nicest teenager I've ever met

Blu · 14/10/2006 14:32

I think it's presuming quite a lot to think that just because you have made certain observations you will 'go round saying you suspect them' or 'pushing' them into anything at all.
In fact I specifically said I wouldn't.

Tattie100 · 14/10/2006 14:36

Sorry, blu, (i'm being thick) i don't get your point?

RTKangaMummy · 14/10/2006 14:53

My younger bro is gay and it is IMHO and IME it is completely silly to assume that little children playing with dolls cooking etc makes someone turn out gay

My bro and his partner have been together for 15 years and neither of them are camp or anything like that at all

I love my bro and it was a shock when he came out but he is still my bro

And we have all {in the family} said we would rather he was gay and happy and with a deffo brill partner like than to be unhappy and married to a really dreadful awful woman and for me to end up with an awful SIL

He had loads of girls after him as a teenager and he still does have all my friends saying how georgeous and lovely he is

If you met him I bet you couldn't even guess he was either apart from he wears very expensive clothes and has an apartment in Nottinghill Gate and several houses around the country and is a top executive. So he has the money to look good.

So I don't think anyone can know what their children will end up like

btw he didn't play with my dolls cos I didn't like dolls - I played with his cars and trains

Also he is a deffo brill cook - he just throws stuff together and it is amazing

And most of all I love him and he and ** are deffo brill uncles

Blu · 14/10/2006 14:58

The people who say they have an inkiling a child may well grow up gay (which is , after all, using words like 'inkling' and 'might' aren't talking about playing with dolls etc, are they / we? I didn't , Jimjms didn't waterfalls didn't...

Tatie - i was following up Scooby's point that we would all 'push' our kids into being gay - which as others have pointed out is not possible, adn as I am pointing out, we are NOT pushing..

I'm not actually going to explain why i have 'an inkling' about the 'possibility' that DS may grow up gay.

But it's not entiely silly if grown adults say that they themselves were aware of bieng a bit different at such an early age, is it?

Pinkchampagne · 14/10/2006 15:04

I don't think anyone could push a child into being gay. Also nobody on this thread appears to be presuming their child is definitely going to grow up to be gay, just that it would not come as a huge shock if that turned out to be the case.
I grew up with a boy who is now a gay adult & there was always something very different about him, even from a very young age.

Tattie100 · 14/10/2006 15:18

Blu, I don't think it is silly (AT ALL) to be sensitive to one's own child. Quite the opposite, that was my point, actually. You know your own children better than anyone and will usually assess them better than anyone else could hope to. It's just that with my own DS, I want to avoid a situation where my "inklings" about him to colour his own view of himself in the world (whether it turns out that he is gay or straight).

expatinscotland · 14/10/2006 15:37

I think you can know, just as you can know if your child is heterosexual.

It's just a mother's instinct.

May be true, may not, but I think it's possible to know.

I have some gay and lesbian friends who always knew they were homosexual, and others who did not or who felt the need to have heterosexual relationships just to make sure.

Tattie100 · 14/10/2006 15:43

Yeah, I agree, but I would also state that I do have at least one friend who everyone thought was gay and he even experimented (quite openly) as a teenager, but is now in love, engaged and in a long term sexual relationship with a woman, sexuality is not straightforward, I think.

Megglevache · 14/10/2006 15:44

Message withdrawn

Donbean · 14/10/2006 15:57

friends certainly had NO idea what so ever however i knew that thier son was gay from an early age, 7 or so.
He eventually came out at about 17 and they were devastated and had no clue, totally out of the blue for them.
I knew though, i thought it was quite obvious.

ANAconda · 14/10/2006 16:17

i'm v worried about my DS (4 months). evidence so far

fav bathtime song is "don't rain on my parade"
loves Barbra Streisand
will happily sit on my lap and watch a whole episode of "queer eye for the straight guy" (US version, obviously) and even has a favourite.

I am going to have to straighten him out as I want grandchildren!

scoobytwo · 14/10/2006 16:37

lol@ANAconda

Jimjams2 · 14/10/2006 17:06

erm wouldn't push a child into anything. Certainly don't think you can force sexuality onto a child (how biazarre). Also I dind't mention playing with dolls or dressing up (did anyone?). Ds2's favourite games revolve around scoobydoo (ironically) at the moment, previously it was trains.

I'm certainly not worrying about it. I would never see being gay as a problem anyway, other than the risk of bullying as a teen.

hhhhmmmmmm · 14/10/2006 17:32

maybe not push a child into anything but label him/her like saying boys like blue girls like pink,by saying your child is camp/maybe gay may just put the label on them&therefore make them beleive they are gay even if not,i certainly dont think being gay is the norm as god made adam&eve not adam&steve,i wouldnt disown/stop loving my child should they be gay but i would be dissapointed&wouldnt bring them up that its normal

Jimjams2 · 14/10/2006 17:34

oh so tolerant. ds1 is severely disabled- he's not normal either. What should I do with him?

turquoise · 14/10/2006 17:48

I knew from about the age of 7 that my brother was gay, without anything being said, but was amazed that my parents were shocked/surprised when he came out at the age of 18. It was just so obviously part of who he was - and he was not particularly camp (then!).
Wouldn't be in the least bothered if either of my children were gay.

Original poster

abitworried · 14/10/2006 20:33

Wow - didn't expect this thread to kick off!

OK, a few things to ensure that I'm not 'fanning the flames' on this one...

... my posting name is wrong for this original post - I'm not worried, more interested, in the way that we are all interested in our child's development.

the gay relative I mentioned is my brother, so I grew up and had a chance to observe him very closely.

the 'traits' I'm talking about are not really 'general gay traits' (not sure there really are such things - more likely sterotypes?). Instead, what I think I meant was that I'm seeing things in my DS that remind me of my brother as a child.

Like what?

not really into sports or 'rough' boys activities (but not into dolls either!)
slightly eccentric
highly sensitive
beginning to seem a little alienated from his peers

OK, I know it's hardly conclusive, and nor am I trying to 'diagnose' him - was just interested in what others thought. Like turquoise, I 'knew' my brother was different from a very early age, and in fact when he came out it was sort of a relief, as it kind of explained things...

By the way, I think DH will be gutted if it turns out to be the case, which I think is really sad.
Also, I'd really like 'traditional family grandchildren', but that's just me being selfish...

OP posts:

fartmeistergeneral · 14/10/2006 20:40

I know someone who's daughter is 5 and wants to be a boy. She takes swimming lessons in trunks, goes to 'boys' boy scouts and only wears boys clothes.

What d'yall think about that?

Original poster

abitworried · 14/10/2006 20:49

Sounds quite normal, and a tomboy!

OP posts:

Blu · 14/10/2006 21:01

fartmeister - I was exactly like that. I really wanted to be a boy for most of my childhood, and did all i could to live as one. But as it turns out I am neither trans-gendered or homosexual.

Original poster

abitworried · 14/10/2006 21:32

Actually, sounds rather like 'George' in the famous five!!

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