'Only child' - positive thoughts

[dhwhoooooooo]

'only child' sounds a bit negative don't you think? I love the French description 'enfant unique'.

My son is one. I am one. My mum is one. Her mum is one. We are 4 generations of only children - quite unusual I guess.

I did not want to have an only child - i wanted two. It didn't happen and it won't happen - but I have come to the realisation that actually one is great - and that my reasons for wanting two were not good enough anyway (mainly social convention). I struggled with my one and two may well have tipped me over the edge.

What I find difficult though is the reaction of strangers - who seem to be amazed that anyone would only have one child and surely I must be getting ready for my next one. Because surely nobody would choose to just have one. I just find this view extraordinary, not to say ignorant.

Oh well, rant over. Come and join me parents of children without siblings!

I have an enfant unique (yes it's much better) but wasn't one myself. I do sometimes (often) feel guilty that she has no siblings to play and fight with, and unfortunately she has no cousins either and will not get any in the future. I would be soooooo interested to read your dissertation, rosie79. I did psychology too so there's a faint chance I might even understand it, or some of it

My dad was an only child as his twin sisters died shortly after birth. He was rather doted on, but then he rather dotes on his own children so I can't see it as a bad thing.

His mother (my grandmother) was one of thirteen.

My ds is an only child, but he seems very happy and well adjusted. His best friend is an only child too.

ds has 4 close friends who are single children also - I think it is becomming far more common - let's hope that some people's judgemental attidutes catch up with this trend!

i have one dd, by choice as I found myself fairly crap at motherhood initially..
but she is happy, recently she thought it might be nice to have a younger brother as her friend has, however a visit involving him chasing/kicking etc in a little-boy way has put her off & she has never been bothered about it otherwise.
I used to get "oh you CAN'T just have one, poor thing" when she was at toddler group.. but haven't for years.
Don't know anyone else with one tho.

I have two dcs and am currently pg with my 3rd and already today have been feeling guilty because of the things i would like to do with my dd (6) but cant because my ds (3) is too young and boisterous and it just makes it impossible. He destroys her room and breaks or loses her collections of precious things. And he was very slow in talking because he couldnt get a word in edgeways and i think couldnt understand alot of what was said to him because of her constant yabbering! And i think alot of his boisterousness is due to competing for attention.

My next 1 is due end of april so they'll have a few months to get used to it then in sept ds goes to school so i shall have all day just me and the baby and im hoping it'll be a bit of a return to when I just had the one and i can give it all my attention at least until the other two get back from school and all hell breaks lose!!

But really you're always going to feel guilty whatever you do, I dont think there is such a thing as a guilt free parent is there?! So in the end you just do what makes you and your family happy, stuff everyone else!! Easier said than done though I know but as dhwhooooo (sp!) already said it does seem to be becoming much more popular so peoples attitudes should catch up eventually

Sorry that wasn't really a positive thought about only children more a negative thought about multiple children.
To try and put it more positively i can very clearly see the advantages to having only one child as well as the advantages of having more than one and i think both options are fairly equally balanced with pros and cons.
It seems to me the decision to have only one child is generally a much more considered decision than that to have more, I think if someone ever asked me why I wanted more than one i would pause and um and er a bit and then come out with something about just loving children and wanting a lively busy family home and i never really considered not having more whereas all the people i know who've chosen to stop at one child have given huge amounts of thought to both options and discussed it no end with their OHs, friends and family so i wouldnt ever dream of quetioning their decision

In ds's year atschool, there are at least 9 children (out of 59) who are only children, so I don't feel too unusual around here.

LOVE this thread...I have a 3 year old DS whom I adore and he is an "enfant unique". We were at his cousins b day party last week and a woman I had never met before asked me if I was having another and when i said no rounded on me with what seemed like genuine anger and said "oh you cant have just one!" Cant even remember what I said to her. Just got out of the room fast! My son had a lot of health problems at birth and his first 6 months were a really tough. I was diagnosed with PND too so it has been a rough ride for us. Why should I have to explain that to every stranger who makes judgements about me without knowing the facts? Sorry, starting to rant arent I? As the eldest of 3 I can see what my son will be missing out on(luckily he has cousins whom he adores) but I can also see the benefits too. So great to see positive comments on only children for a change!