Tips needed from experienced mums on how to survive/enjoy maternity leave...

[Bellyrub1980]

Hiya,

My baby is 12 days old and on Monday my DP returns to work. I'm dreading being at home on my own all day. I'm already feeling a bit trapped by the house and too unconfident with breast feeding and a screaming baby to leave the house on my own.

So, although I'm now very aware that this year 'off work' is actually going to be pretty hard, I'd still like to make the most of it and... if possible... even enjoy it

Pretty much everyone I talk to tells me to sleep when the baby sleeps. I'm finding this virtually impossible during the day. I just can't switch off. And I'm getting around 2-5 hours a night. I think my body is getting used to it.

So what did you do to survive maternity leave? What did you wish you did? Do you have any tips on how to make it an enjoyable experience?

Oh bless you, I think I survived rather than enjoyed most of my maternity leaves as I found the early weeks hard, but you have such good advice on this thread.

I wish I'd done more stuff for myself - I did baby yoga and baby swimming, but I don't really click with yoga as a concept (I'm not very zen) and public swimming pools make me feel like I'm developing verrucas as soon as I walk in!

So now I think, why did I do that? I should have just gone for a walk, gone to a museum, gone to a coffee shop. I did all that stuff because everyone else was. But then I'm a bit of a loner.

Read some awesome books.

If you feel yourself getting low, go and talk to someone quickly (GP is you don't want to confide in a friend), ie, don't leave it more than about a week. Sorry, that sounds miserable. Im sure you won't need to.

Where I live the local independent cinema does parent and under 1 screenings. Although my local odeon doesn't do these I know lots do. I didn't make use of the cinema with ds1 But am doing now with ds2

I found the only "sleep when the baby sleeps" time that ever worked for me was the occasional morning where I just stayed in bed (& DP changed DS's nappy & brought breakfast up). Once I was up for the day I couldn't get back to sleep, however tired.

Also, go with whatever works for you. I would have died of stress and resentment if I'd tried to get to an activity every morning and afternoon. I had a couple of things a week I went to regularly, and others I dropped in to when I felt like it. For other mums I knew, scheduling a full & busy week kept them happy.

Don't feel obliged to pay for a billion baby sensory classes if you don't enjoy them, your baby will not suffer for not going to them, it's about whether you enjoy doing the class with baby.

Re sleeping when they sleep- I find it is possible for the first nap of the day if I don't get dressed/have coffee so I am still in 'night' mode. Then when dd wakes up I shower while she watches me from her chair. She is 8 months now and it's worked for ages.

Thank you for all the advice. Gives me some hope that, maybe... At some point... This might become enjoyable.

I'm not really a groups person usually, but maybe my baby will bring the sociable side out in me! Going to a baby cafe on Monday. And I have a BF friend, also on May leave that I shall visit in the week. Just to go to someone else's house.

I have swimming lessons and baby massage lined up in the new year.

Love the sound of the baby cinema. Will definitely check that out.

Def try some groups locally - it is hard going to start with but you always have your baby to talk about and people there will ask about how you're getting on with everything

Try and get out for a walk and fresh air everyday especially now it's dark so much of the time. I had my DS at Christmas and it was so hard being up for the day at 5am in the pitch black and then it was dark again so early. Daylight and fresh air is good for both of you and will help your baby start to learn the difference between day and night.

If you can't sleep when your LO is asleep then don't stress about it, just try and have a sit down with a cuppa and some trashy TV instead. My DS took 4 30 mins naps a day which were too short to do anything other than have a quick coffee and I survived on very little sleep as he was awake for 3 hours a night up till 8 weeks old and then didn't sleep through for a long, long time.

One more tip- do your first morning feed lying down in bed. It means you can stay snuggly and warm and if you're lucky, they might drop off again.

You've had lots of good tips - I would just add not to feel guilty if you don't enjoy it. I started my first mat leave thinking I'd become a SAHM - and spent a while failing to realise that that wouldn't be good for my mental health/relationship with DH. I was so much happier once I'd gone back to work. You may well get into the swing of it and enjoy it - but just know that it's OK not to!

BFing lying down worked wonders for me!
Set up the iPad behind the baby, kindle or iplayer lovely. Also BFing to sleep for naps can help you relax too and both nod off together.

I struggled through swimming and massage from about 8 weeks - it was hard, learning to get my timings right, feeding on the hoof. But we were surrounded by others with babies too and it really helped my confidence in getting out and about.

Congrats on your baby OP! Try not to worry. We all get through it

Just as an alternative perspective - I can't bear mum and baby groups! The last thing I want to do is rush around to things that are a fixed time and yack about babies for ages!

I'm more than happy just the two of us at home doing our own thing - we do go out to the shops, the park, swings now he's old enough.

I couldn't get back to work soon enough! Don't get me wrong, I'm head over heels with my son but I'm also an adult with a life and didn't want to just morph into a 2 dimensional Mum with nothing other than baby stuff in her life.

For me, maternity leave was just a necessity to get through the difficult high dependency tiny baby stage, but once I was out of that I wanted to re-join the world!

Im another one who.was never fussed on groups and also relished returning to work.

When dd was really little we would lounge round til after her 10am feed, go out to the shops.to buy lunch or do christmas shopping etc. Lunch out or a snack at home, then id pop to my mums or a friends for a cuppa in the afternoon. I was always back home for 5.15 for Pointless!

I found the way which worked for me was to diarise meets with friends- one old friend with a baby too, and some new ones gained from NCT or NHS antenatal - and arrange trips out between say 10.30 - 1.30.

For example, I bought an annual zoo pass for one, so we would go there. Or a walk or a cafe. Or sometimes meet for coffee at home. I tended to meet people one to one rather than lots of groups, which can get dull.

Also, that pattern enables you to sleep in the afternoon if you need to, and still get to school if that's an issue. Or cook dinner whilst the baby is in a sling or pram.

I drove a lot. We lived near Whipsnade Safari Park then and at that point you could drive a circuit of it, so used to drive past lots of animals! Also Woburn Deer park, obv baby didn't notice, but soothed me! That was often nap time.
Agree with a trip of some sort a day if you want. But if there are some days when you just stay in and cuddle, that's fine too!

I've been back at work a few months now after DC1 and now I look back and think I could have made so much more of mat leave. BUT you have to realise that you are learning how to be a parent, how to be totally responsible for another human being. It's time consuming and exhausting. Don't be too hard on yourself if most days you 'only' manage to take care of your baby, especially in the early days.

I'm just coming to the end of my maternity leave and I wouldn't have describe myself as a baby person prior to having my DS, but I absolutely loved it!

These are the basic things I did that worked for me:

Follow you own instincts. You are the expert on your baby not everyone else! Throw away the books (or keep them in a cupboard and only refer to them once a problem comes up). It instantly takes the pressure off!

Ban the phrase 'I should be doing ....' And instead go with 'I'd like to do...'

Don't feel pressure to join a gazillion baby groups. Some people love them, some don't. They can be a great source of support but can also be a hot bed of competitiveness and silliness. We did one group, baby swimming and we did it as a family. Dad went in the pool, I did support on the side. Great bonding for dad and baby when he's been at work all week, gives you a little break and honestly just made me melt watching the bond and trust growing between them (going a bit mushy here ). I did NCT but it wasn't really my cup of tea, too much 'look at me I have a new baby, can bake cakes and breast feed at the same time, but its different strokes for different folks!).

Find a TV series you love or always wanted to see. Order the box set, then once LO is asleep in the day get something yummy to eat and watch an episode, its a little luxury to look forward to. I was like you, couldn't sleep in the day when baby slept.

Go out as much as you can as a family at the weekend. I used to plan things in the week to look forward to and little babies are very portable. We did Zoos, aquariums, shopping, eating out, garden centres, anything.

Drink lots of tea!

Good luck!

Oh and don't be too hard on yourself. My midwife said to me as long as baby is okay, you manage to eat and occasionally have a shower you are doing brilliantly! This really took the pressure off and made me focus on important stuff. A previous poster was right when they said you are learning how to be a parent so don't underestimate how hard you are working and be kind to yourself.

At 6 weeks, my baby still cries often for no apparent reason and feeding him is the only way to temporarily console him - that makes me feel I can't take him out and about in case he cries the whole time and disrupts the group/chat/class! Is this normal? Do babies at these meet-ups cry too? I'd love to get out and about with him but often when we meet friends for coffee he'll cry, I won't actually get to drink any coffee, and we end up leaving...

Bingles, I feel the same. If my baby is awake she's crying. Full stop!

My two were like that binglesplodge (they grew out of it eventually!). They were actually better when I took them out to groups and cafés, and it gave me a break. I think they're distracted by everything going on around them. The best was noisy restaurants and cafés, where they're grumbling was drowned out by all the other noise. They often slept better there as well.

Just get out there and try it, the worst that's going to happen is you have to go home again, but it's not the end of the world. You'll find lots of people in a similar position to you and it's a good place to get used to feeding in public.

Agree try to get out most days. Im on number 4 who is just 2 and find life so mych better if i get out everday. Currently on enforced home prison as ds has been ill for over a week.

OP, seriously I could have written your post! My baby is six weeks now and I've been flying solo since week 3 after DH went back to work and parents left. When they left I spent some time researching what was on in my area and making a list of possibilities - the olly olly website is great if you live in London. Then I tried every day to get out. My first day was a baby massage class and I was so nervous in case the baby cried and upset the others. Bit all the babies there cried! Seriously no one cares! My week looks like this:
Mon: massage Tues: mum and baby group Wed: sewing class I can take my baby to Thurs: Nct coffee Fri: free. So far on Fri ive take the baby into town for lunch with DH and met friends. This Friday I am doing a buggy exercise class. As I get more confident ill go to museums:shopping in town etc.
what I still find tricky is getting out of the house at a consistent time. I'm still a bit stuck in the whole thing of thinking he is ready for a nap and he's not/ thinking he's finished feeding (and he's not), getting him ready to go and him filling his nappy requiring another stressful change! I also haven't cracked sleeping when he sleeps as his nap lengths are so random. Also still mot v good at cooking dinner for the same reason!

Fatpony Good to know you felt like me but then went on the crack it! I must admit I'm pretty nervous about going to this baby cafe tomorrow. I'm not usually a nervous person but ever since the birth it's like I'm anxious all the time! But I'm looking forward to getting out of the house and actually driving a car!!

Thanks again for all of the replies. You really have given me hope!

Belly, I really did feel anxious. Hence the research - I even geekily wrote options down in my diary!

maybe think of it this way-if you don't like the people at the baby cafe thing/baby really really kicks off...just leave and try again next week.o one will judge you. I was a bit gloomy that all we'd talk about was babies but three weeks in convos with those I've met are expanding to all sorts of things. I also did little 'starter' trips round the park and down to the shops. Helps to be organised a little - change bag ready to go, baby's outfit and pram blankets etc (if applicable) laid out the night before. I also have to shower and dress before he wakes in the morning or I would NEVER get out of the house!