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Original poster

happy to have an only child-but sad about the passing of time...

73 replies

Binker · 03/04/2002 23:14

I've just posted a message,but forgot to put a subject on it,so I'm going to repeat myself as the original is bound to have got lost somewhere !
What I wondered was, am I alone in feeling something that perhaps I can best describe as feelings of 'grief' for the passing of time since my much loved son was born,four and a half years ago. He is our only child and we don't intend to have any more - our family unit feels complete with the three of us. I have no yearning for another baby but sometimes feel pangs of sadness when looking back over the past few years-because that time has gone.I do look forward to him growing up too (though not too quickly !). Anyone else like this ?

OP posts:
Slinky · 24/04/2004 01:24

Arabella

No, you mustn't think that it's not so good as they get older. Mine are now 8, 6 and 4 - and I love the ages they are at now - I would love to be able to just "freeze" time for a while and stay like it is.

Personally, I prefer them at these ages compared to babies/toddlers - as Tamum says, it just makes you feel a bit sad as they get that much older and more independent.

stupidgirl · 24/04/2004 01:53

My dd was 3 last week. Ds is 5.5. I'm a single mum and I won't be having any more at least for a long while. Each day, seeing them grow up and need me less is hard. And I feel so guilty about the days when I'm down and don't do as much with the children as I should.

I can't imagine having a home without small children running about.

carla · 24/04/2004 02:05

Message deleted

eddm · 24/04/2004 02:21

My ds is only 9 months and I'm already feeling nostalgic for when he was newborn, 3 months, 6 months, all the little things he used to do and has grown out of...
Had this with my youngest sister too (14 yrs younger than me). Remember crying when she suddenly grew out of toddlerdom because she wasn't a baby any more but a little girl! And now she's pg (aaaaah) I know it will be really weird because I keep thinking 'but you are still my baby sister, how can you be having a baby?'

kizzie · 24/04/2004 15:01

Jac - felt the same when they started school. You might remember Ive got DS twins too and they are my only children. Unfortunately I cant have anymore which is something Ive (sort of) come to terms with but I do find it so hard to see both my babies growing up so fast at the same time. A lot of their friends have younger sibings and I do have pangs to go through the baby bits again.
Kizziex

kizzie · 24/04/2004 15:06

Also Tigermoth - thats exactly how feel on their birthdays. Was almost in tears wrapping the pass the parcel for their 5th birthday party because I know this is probably the last year they'll want to play games like that.
Totally irrational I know.
Kizziex

Original poster
binker · 02/05/2004 17:39

I've just looked up this thread and am pleased to see it resurrected - I first posted 2 years ago ! Ds is now 6,nearly 7 and I still miss the days when he was smaller and feel sad when I think of him growing older (though of course I do want him to grow up to!)- I just want him to keep being loving and cuddly - not a big independent boy who wont snuggle up with his mum anymore. Next Sept he'll be in Juniors! Already I'm sad about leaving the Infant playground...

OP posts:
tigermoth · 03/05/2004 14:41

kizzie, my 10 year old son and his friends will still enjoy pass the parcel, so there is hope.

Can I add to that message of mine from 2002? Now I now can see I never totally lost the little 3, 4 or 5 year old boy I had. I still mourn that toddler long gone, but he does resurface from time to time. My 10 year old can in the space of 30 minutes act like he's 3 years, 7 years or 10 years. It's layor upon layor of himself - fascinating to witness the older he becomes.

Original poster
binker · 04/05/2004 17:38

yes,Kizzie - we are having pass the parcel this yr for ds's 7th - I'm sure it'll be popular for ages !

OP posts:
kizzie · 04/05/2004 21:00

Good to hear!!!
Kizziex

Original poster
binker · 22/07/2004 15:04

I've just checked the beginning of this thread which I started in 2002 !!! 2 years ago and I still feel the same at major milestones in my ds' life - he has now finished Year 2 which makes me feel very sad as he's no longer an Infant - he'll be a Junior !! Anyone else in the same boat - only child growing up fast ?!

OP posts:
vict17 · 22/07/2004 15:09

Hi Binker! I've got a 16 week ds and while it is still early days me and dh are seriously considering having just the one. What is your experience like? My family seem to think ds will grow up spoilt with no friends

Northerner · 22/07/2004 15:33

I'm an only child vict and I'm not spoilt and have lots of friends. We have 1 ds, and are not sure if we'll have any more, but it amazes me how people feel they can comment on your decision to have 1 child. Tell them to buggar off.

vict17 · 22/07/2004 15:45

Thanks Northerner - it's mostly my dad! My dh is an only child and my dad has said to him 'you dont want ds to be one do you'. My pils have already commented that they would have had more if they could have. Grrrrr.... at least at the moment we can just smile and say 'we'll see'

codswallop · 22/07/2004 15:53

are you sure you feel ok about haveong on ly one?
wonder if that is the deep cause of this worry?

Northerner · 22/07/2004 15:56

Now my ds EVERYONE asks when we're having another. Then they comment on not haveing a too big age gap.

Northerner · 22/07/2004 15:56

That should raed now my ds is 2

What hapenned?!!

codswallop · 22/07/2004 15:58

dh is an only child and feels he missed out

also he wont be teased!

he cant se the "point of it"

vict17 · 22/07/2004 16:00

Coddy - you're right, I just can't decide. I know I dont have to yet but supernanny last night makes me think 'yes just the one thanks' and dh only wants one. But I'm the youngest of four and love love love my big family

vict17 · 22/07/2004 16:01

P.S. My dh doesn't feel he missed out but he is a stereotypical only child - loves to spend hours on his own, still has his own toys that his son will not be allowed to play with!

codswallop · 22/07/2004 16:05

Oh have anohter its much more fun

codswallop · 22/07/2004 16:05

and if you dont you have ot Play with your kid!

vict17 · 22/07/2004 16:06

We probably will but perhaps with a bigger age gap. Perhaps 3 years or even 5. Is that acceptable?!!

Northerner · 22/07/2004 16:08

When me and dh row he often accuses me of suffering from 'only child syndrome'

bootsmonkey · 22/07/2004 16:10

Vict - this is something that goes around and around my head on a recurring basis and I totally agree about the supernanny bit!!! My DD is 2 and I have no overwhelming urge to change the status quo. It works, she's lovely and I hate to think that by having another one she would turn into an insanely jealous troublesome 3yo. (that may happen anyway )

However, my brother has just had his second and everyone seems to think that this should be the cue for me falling on again. I have been told that I cannot just have one, that I would be selfish just to have one (?) who is she going to play with (er -friends??) she'll be spoilt, lonely ...etc.

There is no answer - but it does annoy me that your very private life is so public once you become a parent. I haven't ruled it out, but I definately haven't ruled it in!

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