5 week old crying himself to sleep

[LittleMissRayofHope]

I have a 5 week DS, and a 2.3 yr dd.
When I have to do things such as put dd to nap, chane her nappy, make her lunch/dinner etc I put ds in his crib and sometimes he will cry. It's a horrible sad little cry and he can turn beetroot purple - hands and everything. But after a minute, maybe 2, he will go to sleep. And often then sleep for 45 mins, sometimes 2 hours.
I know he is fed, winded and clean so he is only crying out of wanting to be held. Although he does have reflux so I'm not convo ced that it is never a bit of pain and discomfort.

Basically I'm looking for reassurance that this is fine. Never had this with dd. We were very PFB with her and almost never let her cry (for our teouble she didn't self settle or sleep through til past 1 yr old!!) so this is new to me.
I feel he is too young to be left to cry like that but at te same time I also feel there's nothing wrong with it.

Am I being unkind to my little boy??

Sorry- it's not fine at this age. He's so tiny he doesn't realise he's not part of you still. Cuddle him when he needs it. Hearing him cry must be so sad and stressful for you that it will wipe out any benefit him going to sleep alone might bring you anyway!

Get a sling. Then you can give both children what they need at the same time.

No it's not ok. Buy a sling and put him in there

Personally I don't think you are being unkind at all, but I have no evidence or qualifications to offer - it's just my personal opinion. Unless anyone can give you any reliable information I'd just go with what you feel works for you.

If it really is only a minute, sometimes two of course that's ok. She could easily cry that long if you nipped to the loo. Anything longer though would not be ok. When DD was born hers brothers were 1 and 3 so sometimes she had to wait a minute or two, she got millions of love and cuddles as well

I also have a five week old and an older child. It is very tough when they are both demanding something at the same time. I never willingly let the baby cry but sometimes it happens.

A couple of coping stratagies I have are a sling and a dummy (hate dummies ds1 never had one but it does help buy a few mins).

Young babies only cry if they need something, he will soon learn if he cries for his needs to be met he won't be answered . At this stage he doesn't know any other way to express his needs.

Well you can't put yourself in two places at once so it will be inevitable that he is left alone for a short while. I'd try to settle him first before doing anything non urgent with your dd so that your ds isn't left to cry himself to sleep every time.

Try not to be hard on yourself. I've had three dc and the younger two had to be put down to do other things with the older siblings.

If it's only 2 minutes I would be happy to leave him.....yes, they express needs through crying but what if the need is to sleep and that will come quickly in any case (and he is also learning to self sooth) My 2nd and 3rd children would occasionally end up going to sleep on the floor if no 1 or 2 needed something immediately and I couldn't get to the baby quickly enough.

I would never deliberately leave a baby to cry, but sometimes it happens - when you go to the loo, if you are driving and they are in the car seat.

I would get a sling and carry him to limit the crying, but don't beat yourself up about it if you can't do anything.

When you say two minutes... Do you actually mean 10 (time taken to cook tea quickly) or less than 30 seconds (two long bawls and he's asleep)? Maybe time it?
Babies do also cry because they are tired, and you can't cook at the hob, or lift a toddler easily, with a sling, I find. Great for some things but pants for others.
It is possible to damage a baby by leaving them
to cry but not for a couple of loud I'M NOT TIRED screams and zzzzz.

My pfb is 5 weeks old so I'm no parenting master, feel free to ignore me! If you can't get to him as your actually doing something with DD you can't stop then don't beat yourself up about it, but if you mean is it ok to leave him to it while you carry on doing somethin you could stop to comfort him (I'm not saying this is the case necessarily, just not quite sure what you mean from your post) then I personally think that's a little mean, he's tiny, he doesn't no that wanting to be held is less important than being hungry or in pain. The idea of DS crying like that and me just not going him cos I know hel cry himself to sleep soon makes me feel horrible.... But at the same time when I'm driving and he starts screaming and I can't pull over (on the motorway for example) I don't feel guilty as I no it's a rare occurance and he's safe and well. Don't mean to sound harsh or anything, it's just my opinion

It really is a minute or 2. I can prepare dinner holding me but I can't put her in the high chair etc.
Nappy change (provided it's not an explosion) only takes a min or 2.
I have a carrier which I use sometimes but find it a struggle to do the above things.

My instinct tells me if he didn't want to sleep he wouldnt go off for so long. But I do feel guilty.
Personally I can't stand dummys so will try not to introduce one. Having said that he is a suckler. He would be attached to me 24/7 if I let him.

Thank you for replies. Some mixed responses.
I don't willingly let him cry. Only when it can't be avoided. My op was born out of a fear that if I leave him to cry he will feel abandoned and like his needs are not met.
Just feeling insecure this time around!!

Just to clarify, I don't leave him to cry purposefully.
But it happens when I'm tending to dd and I feel awful about it.
I feel like he goes to sleep because he has given up on me coming to get him. Which breaks my heart.

It's really just for 2 days a week aswell, dd is at nursery mon n tues, my mum is here Friday's and DH is home at weekend. So I just have to get through the weds and thurs alone (and evenings too) which prob makes me feel worse in a way as he isn't used to it and I feel swamped!! Like I'm being half a parent to each one.... He's a happy little chap otherwise. Smiles and feeds well. Sleeps well once he is down.
I just feel sad to hear him cry and scared that I am doing psychological damage :(

It's impossible to be able to jump the second a baby cries..you can't abandon your first child if your busy helping her go to the loo or get something.

I'd re think the dummy though. What's the difference between a plastic one and him using you as a dummy.

I'm. Sure an expert with reflux will come along but I think the sucking on a dummy and resulting swallowing is actually more comfortable for reflux babies.

Sometimes babies cry to block out the world and if it's short lived then it's fine imo.

In that case your not being mean, it's very rare and your not doing it on purpose! Personally I'd also rethink the dummy as if it helps comfort him when you can't get there it could be a good thing, but I don't think there's any right or wrong answers on dummy's, just personal opinion

I think if it is just 1-2 minutes then he falls asleep and sleeps for 45 minutes or longer, he was probably crying due to tiredness. My DD always had to have a little cry before falling asleep and in fact being held/rocked just made her more cross and delayed her falling asleep.

If you are meeting all his physical needs and only leaving him to cry for a small number of minutes when it's unavoidable I really don't think he will be damaged by that. You might find he ends up being better at settling himself to sleep compared to your DD which is no bad thing.

I have a 5 week old and a pre-schooler and the 5 week old has to cry sometimes as there are other things to be done. Like yours more often then not he will be asleep within minutes.
It isn't cruelty and DS will not be damaged. It's life and in life stuff happens and baby's cry.
Give yourself a break, it isn't easy with two demanding your attention.

Of course, it's fine. Contrary to the fear mongering you sometimes read around here, babies don't get brain damage when they cry for a few minutes.

What is supposed to happen if baby wakes up and cries when you are in the toilet or when you are driving?

It is fine!!
What others have said - if it's literally a few minutes and then he goes to sleep, he is crying because he is tired. If he had another demand, like hunger or even wanting you to pick him up he would cry for longer and it would escalate.
Why on earth you would get a sling and then create a situation in which he needs to be on you to fall asleep is beyond me!
I mean this in the nicest possible way, but only on Mumsnet would people tell you that a baby crying for two minutes is being psychologically damaged!

2 minutes? Absolutely fine. When DS was 12 weeks I started giving him 5 minutes and he'd usually fall asleep in that time. I don't think it's cruel at all and it does help create healthy sleep habits as a bonus.

Hi - well firstly you have my respect for juggling the two kids as I can't imagine managing that :) Seems inevitable that the situation you mention will arise, at some point. What strikes me here is we don't really know. Yes, it's probably fair to say as one poster does that it doesn't 'cause brain damage' but I'm sensing you're looking for a little more reassurance than that. Is the response/reaction in the child really measurable? No, not really. So - as you sound like a good and caring mother - I think you need to trust your gut on this. 5 weeks is very young, but it sounds like you're talking about now and then rather than any sort of training. So trust your instincts, I reckon. But the one thing that did jar a little in your OP (just to throw in my ten pence, sorry!) is the idea of just crying because baby wanted to be held - as if somehow this isn't an important reason. We in the western world are very much in the minority for thinking this. Anyway good luck.

Thank you. I feel like less of a monster now! Like I said with dd she would barely cry for 10 seconds! We were really PFB but also she was all I had to do all day.

I didn't mean to diminish the need to be held but in terms of babies needs I guess I feel it is a lessor priority slightly. Hungar, dirty nappy, wind pain etc all seem more essential... Does that make sense?

i will discuss the dummy with DH. With dd we waited til she was old enough to suck her thumb. I know there's 2 schools of thought there but it's a personal preference.
DS will go to town on my little finger. But he doesn't suckle to sleep, it can take a considerable amount of time to rock/swing him to sleep. Often if he is just laying on his back on one of us or between us he just goes off... So maybe I'm over thinking it.
It's the cry that is so soul wrenching!!

If it's literally a minute then it's probably fine.

I wouldn't choose to leave a baby to cry rather than give a dummy though.

I think it's fine and sounds like a small cry down due to tiredness, my dd did this and wouldn't seem to fall asleep without doing it for a min or two - you can actually tell the difference as when they want attention it doesn't tail off quickly.

Yes, I have noticed that.. He will go on longer if he wants attention.

With dd I could tell the difference in her cries. DH never could but it was like I understood her.... I don't have that with DS, so I feel abit thrown and like I'm floundering more this time.

Probably tired aswell. Dd is 2.3 and a bit unsettled so acting up a lot!