5 week old crying himself to sleep

[LittleMissRayofHope]

I have a 5 week DS, and a 2.3 yr dd.
When I have to do things such as put dd to nap, chane her nappy, make her lunch/dinner etc I put ds in his crib and sometimes he will cry. It's a horrible sad little cry and he can turn beetroot purple - hands and everything. But after a minute, maybe 2, he will go to sleep. And often then sleep for 45 mins, sometimes 2 hours.
I know he is fed, winded and clean so he is only crying out of wanting to be held. Although he does have reflux so I'm not convo ced that it is never a bit of pain and discomfort.

Basically I'm looking for reassurance that this is fine. Never had this with dd. We were very PFB with her and almost never let her cry (for our teouble she didn't self settle or sleep through til past 1 yr old!!) so this is new to me.
I feel he is too young to be left to cry like that but at te same time I also feel there's nothing wrong with it.

Am I being unkind to my little boy??

Please don't leave him to cry I can't imagine how hard it is but he's too small.
Can you not just get a sling, close caboo are really easy to pop on and off and he will be snuggly and happy.

Crying to be held is not a small thing it's reassurance that your there, that he hasn't just been left. Crying even for short periods releases stress hormones in the brain.

I have two DC with the same age gap although much older now. DS2 always cried himself to sleep, I just couldn't always drop everything to tend to him at the time. He used to rub his head backwards and forwards on the mattress, cry for a few minutes then nod off and sleep well. I left him to it. He's now 9 and has always been a fantastic sleeper. Never up and down in the night, simply put to bed and self settled. Doesn't seem to have done him any harm, in fact I think it paid off in the long run.

He might be falling asleep as he's tired from cuddling.

With dd, when I also had 2 year old ds, she stayed in the sling for all sleeps until aboutv3-4 months.

"Crying even for short periods releases stress hormones in the brain."

Do you really expect to raise children without any of them crying, ever?

Let's say you feed on demand, always carry them, do nothing but immediately respond to them when they are babies. Will you never say "No" to them as toddlers?

I really wouldn't beat yourself up, it's consistency which is the key - if you always left him to cry, he'd learn no one is coming. The odd time a few times a week is not going to damage him. And I am qualified to say that when I had a brain

I've got two as well and it's bloody hard work without beating yourself up on top!

I remember mine being little, 2 yrs apart. I would deal with the crying baby in preference to the toddler as the baby is so little.

Second what namedilemma says.

Have you considered a bouncy chair instead of crib? Just because I'm not sure lying flat is that comfy for babies with reflux. But I've had two under two and not being able to answer every cry immediately comes with the territory.

Re the crying releasing stress hormone in the baby, I would imagine there is far more stress to parents in the weeks, months and even years to come, whose DC struggle to self settle and sleep.

Exactly CPtart

I cannot see how a couple of nights of crying having every need met during the day is more stressful than never sleeping.

Obviously 5 weeks is a bit young fir tag yet but things can't be helped. Unless you plan on cathering yourself to avoid the toilet and living off red dwarf style meal tablets

Cathetering

Catheterising

Thanks

Most second and subsequent children get left to cry for short, unavoidable bits of time. I couldn't stand my pfb crying and it used to actually makes cry too to start with but 2nd sometimes had to put up with being popped in cot whilst I did things like take older one to toilet or get her out of the bath.
It's fine.

Do you really expect to raise children without any of them crying, ever?
This. Exactly this.
I always feel so sorry for the op's in these threads when they are basicly told they are harming their babies if they do not wear them around the house and cook food with their young dc attached to them because their so tiny.
Op you will be responding to these threads in a year saying that your ds who you couldn't always run to quickly is a brilliant sleeper.
Your instincts are spot on he would not sleep if he didn't need to

I'm a cuddly, lentil-weavery, attachmenty sort of parent and even I think this is fine (as long as it really is only a couple of minutes). He's probably a tension decreaser - a baby who needs to cry for a bit before falling asleep. If he were crying for some other reason, it'd go on longer and ramp up.

Neither of mine did this - DS1 just got more and more hysterical, and DS2 is so placid he rarely cries in the first place and mostly feeds to sleep.

If you don't like it, though, or it stresses you out, try a sling. But I don't think it's a problem.

PS I've always done the opposite to Purple and dealt with the older one first, as he's more likely to remember than the baby.

I found myself in the same situation as u op.of course its ok to let him cry a bit,realistically there's nothing else u can do anyway.
we're also dummy haters..but when Ds was really tiny and had to leave him for longer than 2 mins (eg to put older DD to bed) I'd put him in his ccrib with one.he sucked for a bit,calmed down,spat it out then either lay quietly or went to sleep.6 months later,I'm sure that's why he can self settle at nap time and bedtime! Stopped using dummy around 8-10weeks because he was a sucky one and couldn't bear for him to get addicted (I've got no patience for these things)
anyway,I think u can be calm-ur doing the best u can and ur not scarring him for life!(my Ds still loves me best even though its me who left him to cry)

I have a 6yo, 3yo and 6 week old. My dp is often away with work. Of course she has to be left to cry sometimes or the other dc would not eat. Not every baby will stop crying if you just "pop them into a sling" or give them a dummy
.DD will also scream in the buggy (I've tried two plus sling of course) but DS1 does need to get to school! If he's only crying for a minute or two sounds fine OP. Don't let people make you feel bad about it.

oh gosh I've only got the one PFB and he's left to cry for a min or so and he neever drops off to sleep

babies cry as long as your not leaving them for extended periods of time screaming and wailing, which you are not it's fine.

pfft if I need a poo I'm having one, and I think it would be more cruel for him to endure the aroma than cry in his bouncy chair , and I'm also not leaning over a hot stove with a child strapped to my front thats just too dangerous for my liking I'm such a cults!

Purple surely you deal with whichever is more urgent:
Tiny squeak versus poo smearing incident - deal with toddler.
Full on hunger screaming versus "Mummy playdoughs" - deal with baby.

drspouse I agree, sometimes my dog comes before the baby, especially when he is ripping my post apart or diggin at the carpet.

surely babies have to "fit in" with day to day life best they can.

A "I'm very tired and I'm going to sleep cry" is very different to a "I want you mummy" cry.

As strange as it sounds, for Dd1, crying was part of her wind down for sleep. I discovered this when rocking, singing, cuddling, soothing etc, didn't work, but two minutes in her cot with the mobile on, did.

If he was that distraught, he'd cry a lot longer and louder than two minutes. Do not listen to the sling-pushing scaremongers on here.

I also think it is fine to leave a baby to cry for a minute or two especially if you sense that they need to do this (as some do) to help them go off.

However, I do think you might want to reconsider the dummies and learn a little more about reflux in case this is bothering him more than you realise.

I was pretty anti-dummy too before I had my DS with reflux and it made such a difference to him having something to suck. We also raised one end of the bed etc., used a bouncy chair so he didn't spend so much time flat on his back.