doctor made me feel a rubbish mum - diet

[howtoapproachthis]

im a bit upset tonight. i went to the docs today because dd (3) has been very very tired the last couple of months and i suspected anaemia - i just wanted to get her checked out. doc said they don't like doing bloods on young children, and thats fine with me i do agree and wouldn't want her to have to get it done unnecessarily.

doc said she was very active (because she was overtired and swinging round my neck- they hperness that comes with overtiredness)and because of this that she wasn't likely to be anaemic.

then she asked about her diet. i told her dd is very fussy, and she is. i literally have tried everything, tried blending vegetables into sauces to hide, everything and she won't eat it. she won't eat any fruit and veg, anything healthy for breakfast. so i have more times than i should resorted to stuff like chicken fillet burgers chips and beans, and eggs. thats about what she will eat at the minute (fish fillets too and sausages) she literally will not eat anything else, she just says, 'don't like that' pushes it away and there is no forcing her.

when i tried to explain this to the doctor, she gave me a lecture about how i am in charge of a 3 year olds diet, and was very patronising. when i told her i have tried to hide healthy things in but she won't eat them, and that i myself try to set a good example becaus im quite healthy and always have vegetables, she told me that dds health was as important as my health and i shouldn't be depriving her of healthy food while i am sitting having healthy food! basically saying that i was looking after myself and neglecting her needs.

of course i will put my dds health above my own, and of course i have tried countless ways to make her eat properly, but i just feel totally crap about this, about the way she spoke to me. she said to offer her the healthy food, and don't give an alternative, and keep doing that until she gets it. this is something i haven't tried yet, i usually give her something i know she will eat, if not at the meal she is refusing, i give it at the next meal. but now i will try this, try not giving her the things she likes at all, but keep offering healthy food. to be honest i do not think this will work. doc says she will eat she will not starve. i don't think its as simple as that. im not annoyed about the doctors suggestion, i am willing to try it, i am annoyed at the way she spoke to me, implying that i don't care about dd and am just feeding her junk because i can't be bothered. if you got this far thanks for reading

minkvah i already explained what she will and will not eat. seriously. that is why im giving her pigs dinner isn't it?

What about soup for veg and milk shake with plenty of fruit?

Reading what she eats it isn't awful.

I think the more worked up about it you get the worse it will be.

Some fab ideas re making homemade versions of the processed stuff.

I doubt she's anaemic from what she eats

X

I think most people have no idea of how difficult it can be to have a really resistant eater.

Amen to that.

Try not to worry OP, my (autistic) DC's extremely restricted diet has been given the ok by dieticians many times over the years. Processed foods are not necessarily the huge problem we assume them to be. When thinking about what a very selective eater actually eats and whether it is nutritionally adequate, just think in terms of whether each food groups is represented somehow. Variety doesn't matter for that. Neither does MC food snobbery.

Re crunchy nut cornflakes, they are fine!

They are fortified with vitamins and nutrients etc

Sorry you had to go through this.

Best source of iron though is not veg. It's red meat. So basically chicken, lamb etc.

If she really wanted to help you she should have referred you to a dietician.

Btw my DD has had low iron since 6 months. Try and explain that! She was EBF for six months, in which period of time I also had an iron transfusion to boost my own supply. I suspect most babies/toddlers probably are iron deficient.

Crunchy nut cornflakes are fortified, but just try and replace it with something that has a higher content of vitamins and minerals and less sugar. How aboru ready brek or just plain corn flakes?

Fwiw i think you are doing a fine job navigating a stage they all seem to go through. Mine certainly did, and it passed.

Honestly, don't stress or put any pressure on yourself or her.
If you can manage to introduce one fruit and one vegetable in the next month or so you'll be doing great.
I'd cut out the ice cream or custard at most meals and offer yogurt instead.
How about plain yogurt (nice creamy Greek one) with puréed fruit mixed in? Shove it in a washed out peppa pig yogurt pot if necessary to hide the fact that it's homemade

Oh dear, so sorry your doc was not sympathetic :(

I have one extremely fussy eater and one who will eat anything and the difference is... their genes. They have both been the way they are practically since they started weaning. It's not got much to do with learned behaviours in our house.

Spatone is a good way of getting iron into fussy children (over 2) as you can hide it in fruit juice. Even my uber-fussy one never noticed

pig food, nut butter?

minkeh, are you even on the same planet at the rest of us?

OP, your GP is a twerp, and obviously fucking clueless.

my ds has serious food issues (spd/food phobias), he lived off a raisin cookie and pizza for months at a time. Its not worth the battle, feed her what she'll eat, you can work on the rest as she gets older!

Yes, I do understand she won't eat what you'd like her to eat! I do!

What I'm commenting on is the body's response to certain foods..so it creates an ongoing cycle that is the opposite of what you want!

Starting the day with sugary cornflakes doesn't help your aims.
Not saying this is easy. Finding a breakfast a child will accept is a challenge, especially if they are used to something full of sugar and crunch.

Have you tried tray bake using oats? You can bake oats with eggs, dried fruit, cinnamon or what spices you like.. Can add blueberries and have it with cream, or just have it sliced, cold.

Oats are a slow release energy which keeps the carb addiction at bay, and you get to control the level of sugar intake.

A lot of us get thrown off kilter by high sugar cereals, and adults can lose interest in a balanced diet too, when sugar and carbed up. I speak from experience , as one who could live on tea and chocolate digestives if I let myself!

Oats are low GI, so help encourage a healthier appetite. Oatcakes are a good choice.

Oh, ok, apologies.

Howto my DS is terribly fussy. Gradually, slowly slowly he's trying more. You've had some good ideas here. I know you're struggling as a lone parent and you're often tired. Just keep doing the best you can and offering lots of choice and praising her for trying new things. It does get easier.

You've created her palette. If you'd never bothered feeding her chips, sausages and fish fingers, she wouldn't know they existed.

But also her breakfast and pudding is very poor too.

figgie
What an amazingly insightful, constructive and inspirational post.

Would you like to borrow my Doc Martens to give the OP a good kick while she's down?

I do think you need to cut out the sugary breakfast, pudding and supper. These things should be occasional, not regular. Pudding should normally be a bit of fruit and/or yoghurt, but not those ones filled with crap.

Could you try widening her range by making new meals with familiar elements. For example, spag with a tomato sauce and chopped up sausages in it. So it's not too new for her, but pushing her out her comfort zone.

I wouldn't offer an alternative if I were you. Especially not if dinner contains something she did eat before. If she doesn't eat it, clear it away and tell her dinner is finished.

It sounds like a control issue.

You've created her palette. If you'd never bothered feeding her chips, sausages and fish fingers, she wouldn't know they existed

figgie

When you have a really fussy child you buy and try things, to find something anything your child will eat, including things you were previously sniffy about.

You have created her palette? You obviously have never had a baby who ate EVERYTHING you put in front of them, only to reduce the food they will eat day by day as they grow up past a year. Sometimes you thank god if they will eat a bloody chip

Some great advice here. Just want to add OP - don't think of this as a war or a battle. It's inevitable that some meals she's not going to eat much but don't let that spark a war! Mealtimes specially for fussy children need to be relaxed and no pressure. If I were you instead of thinking this week's goal is to 'get her to eat more' it is instead to 'make healthy and delicious food and to stay calm during mealtimes whatever DD does'. Your battle should be with yourself resisting the urge to tell her she needs to eat or offer her alternatives when she doesn't. My 3 yr old will often say yuck or whatever but we just say, 'eat the bits you like' - no cajoling, no alternatives. Low key, relaxed, take no notice of the rejection. What she eats should feel like her business to her - you're just in charge of the menu

You mention flax seed.

I started eating flax seed - can't remember why - the menopause? or to avoid breast cancer? - anyway it made me quite nauseous. The richness of the oil perhaps, also I might have read something about them being difficult to digest unless crushed.

Just wanted to mention that in case it might be a problem for DD (though unlikely).

Very helpful figgie.

Actually I think breaded/battered crap has its place. DS wouldn't touch meat for ages, apart from the occasional battered chicken thing he'd maybe eat when we were out somewhere with limited options.

So I started making home-made breaded chicken goujons - at first I had to cut them up tiny, loads of breadcrumbs, make sure the chicken was super-soft or he'd gag and spit it out etc etc.

Then he progressed to eating them with much less breading, bigger pieces.

Now he actively loves chicken and will eat it in different forms.

Wouldn't have touched it if we hadn't gone down the nugget route first.

Lastly don't touch fruit flakes they are purely (fruit) sugar and a recipe for tooth decay according to my dentist

figgie that is ridiculous; I am lucky enough to have a non-fussy 2 year old (at the moment) but she still has the odd sausage or fishfinger and it doesn't appear to have destroyed her palette or her willingness to eat other things.

OP, sorry to hear you're having a hard time. My DD is not fussy but my sister had a very very fussy DS. He actually eats well now, age 6, but things that worked for her at various times between 2-4 were: other 'chips' such as parsnip or carrot chips that she made, cheese sauces with cauliflower mushed in so it couldn't be seen, serving veg in a bowl after the main meal and calling it a 'pudding' and getting all excited about it (!), grating veg into bolognese sauce (carrot and courgette mainly). Good luck, your GP sounds irritating.

Twelevelegs great that nuggets worked for you. Most kids don't have to jump through those hoops to eat chicken