My friend says I should smack my toddler

[TrixieLox]

My little girl is 16 months old and generally a good little girl. But when she's a bit naughty (e.g. smacking things into the TV, throwing things, biting when over-excited and harassing the dog), she doesn't listen at all, just giggles and continues whatever she's doing.

At the moment, as well as telling her no in a stern voice, I just remove the temptation - so take whatever she's throwing away, block her from the TV or pop dog in another room.

But my friend says I ought to give her a quick smack. I don't believe any kind of smacking is going to work. Are there any other methods I can use or should I just continue as I am, removing the 'temptation' and telling her off in a stern voice (I try not to shout at her and say 'no' alllll the time).

Or am I being 'too PC' as my friend says and give her a little smack on the hand or bum?!

If you want your daughter to grow up thinking that hitting people is the right way to get them to do what you want then go ahead and smack. Otherwise treat your daughter as you would like your carers to treat you should you become ill with dimensia and are unable to safely care for yourself.

You're doing exactly the right thing.

Distraction techniques work well too.

Your friend should keep her parenting opinions to herself.

Dementia?

I feel very much the same as you and for that reason I don't think it would work for you.
I personally don't think that smacking is a great way to discipline your children - they learn from what you say and do.

I would continue with your own way. Maybe instead of taking the "temptation" away - remove her to a different place completely and sternly explain why what she's done is naughty. Your daughter is very young and will learn right from wrong if you are consistent IMHO.

My dd was exactly the same at that age. I've never smacked her and her listening has improved. She's not perfect but at 2 and a half, she knows what naughty behaviour is.

You're doing the right thing. You can hardly teach her not to hit things by hitting her can you?! Also, what if she did something really "naughty", would she need a really hard smack? How silly.
Ignore her

I disagree with your friend, both for her views on smacking a toddler and her lack of tact in criticising your parenting methods.

Is it wrong to hit? The answer is either yes or no. You cant say it is fine to hit this person but not that person or its fine for me to hit but not for you or its fine to hit for this reason but not for that reason. You raise your daughter with the values you wish her to have as an adult- is hitting people something you would be pleased with her doing? If mot then dont teach her that its ok in certain circumstances because you wont always get to decide what circumstances she thinks are ok- she may decide its fine to hit you for grounding her as a teen.

Never hit anyone ever

You're doing everything right. It's just a long game, rather than a quick fix. If you keep at it, responding calmly as you are and distracting/removing her then she will get there in the end. At this age they basically have no impulse control, and so they aren't being "naughty" in the sense that you might describe an older child misbehaving. That's why you just need to keep repeating and repeating until they can control the impulse a bit better.

If it helps, my DS was very very similar at this age. Now he is 2 and a bit, he generally behaves really well and doesn't try and do any of the things he used to do when he was your DD's age. I find that it is helpful to use phrases that explain what he can do instead of just telling him what he can't do. So I might say "hands are not for hitting, DS, hands are for being gentle". When he was smaller I would show him what being gentle meant e.g. stroking gently rather than hitting. You can also redirect them to a similar activity that they are allowed to do, so if he was trying to bash the TV, I would try and engage him in bashing his blocks bench instead.

IMO, smacking a child is a lazy and thoughtless attempt to control a child through fear, without giving them the opportunity to learn and develop through experience.

No! No hitting. It is idiotic to think you teach by hitting!

I introduced the naughty step when my DD was 18months. It works quite well as it is instant, so they know why they are in there.

I have to say I haven't had to use it for about a year!

You should give your DC firm boundaries and discipline when necessary.

A smacking is very personal, I found it works very well for older toddlers small DCs who know they are limit pushing, but it's totally pointless for 16 month old curiosity.

(Or for stopping DD1 fiddling and picking things up, she's 16, she still picks up everything in the shop).

I genuinely don't understand why some people think that hitting a child is ok when they are a certain age, and then not ok when they are a different age. Especially as nearly all of those people that are pro-smacking would not smack an adult when they did something that was undesirable! Why is hitting a smaller more vulnerable person ok?

Amen It i never ok and is a sign of a loss of control Better to walk away.

Perfectly possible and desirable to bring up a child without ever resorting to violence. Your friend is wrong.

Of course never snaking is desirable, but I'm old fashioned and not patient. I preferred a quick smack to a long drawn out punishment as a child, so did DD1.

DD2 wasn't so sure, but DD2 is a less pragmatic, less lets get on with the job character.

All I do know for certain is the DF who's DD ran rings round her and her dad at 2-6 would have had a much better relationship with her peers if her parents had, at least, picked her up and plonked her on her bed and shut the door very firmly.

but I'm old fashioned and not patient

So your child gets to suffer for it? For your laziness and not being arsed to have some patience? Nice.

at least, picked her up and plonked her on her bed and shut the door very firmly.

Completely different to smacking. Do you honestly see putting a child in their room as the same as using physical violence? Really?

Old fashioned does a disservice to all the parents who never hit their children Thats what my mum told us everyone did it in those days although I was sure most of my friends weren't smacked like us and turns out I was right.Your dc shouldn't suffer for your impatience and bad temper

Firm no, distract, remove, give lots of fuss to a bitten child while ignoring the biter, and use lots of praise for good behaviour and doing as told.

I am astounded that anyone tells someone else to hit their 16m old

No OP, smacking is never appropriate, for any child, at any age for all the excellent reasons above. Carry on with your distraction techniques and removing her from the situation if necessary.. Your friend is just plain wrong.

Elephants, they are your shortcomings as a parent, and yours to manage, not for your child to suffer the consequences. Smacking 'works well with older toddlers'? That is a really horrible thought

My dc and 6 and nearly 4. Good kids in general, they have the odd tantrum etc.

They have never been smacked. They have been told "NO" very sternly on numerous occasions. And had lots of eye contact at their level when either dh or I explain in simple terms why it is no. Non negotiable stuff.

My ds has never been involved in hitting at school (or I assume so because I've never had the "Can I have a quick word?" from a teacher).

We simply don't hit in our family. It's the golden rule. If the dc hit each other, it's dealt with swiftly. But not with further aggression.

Stick to your guns OP.

It's not just here Coolas. I would and have said the same in rl to people who smack or suggest it. I'm not calling smacking lazy because I want to jump on some MN band wagon. It's because I believe it's wrong, unhelpful, a poor parenting technique, ineffective, counter productive, illogical and so on.

Well said Embarassed.

I'm not calling smacking lazy because I want to jump on some MN band wagon.

Same. I thought it lazy long before i knew of MN or any other parenting forums. In fact before i had internet.