My friend says I should smack my toddler

[TrixieLox]

My little girl is 16 months old and generally a good little girl. But when she's a bit naughty (e.g. smacking things into the TV, throwing things, biting when over-excited and harassing the dog), she doesn't listen at all, just giggles and continues whatever she's doing.

At the moment, as well as telling her no in a stern voice, I just remove the temptation - so take whatever she's throwing away, block her from the TV or pop dog in another room.

But my friend says I ought to give her a quick smack. I don't believe any kind of smacking is going to work. Are there any other methods I can use or should I just continue as I am, removing the 'temptation' and telling her off in a stern voice (I try not to shout at her and say 'no' alllll the time).

Or am I being 'too PC' as my friend says and give her a little smack on the hand or bum?!

Not a fan of smacking, nor of nagging (though I do now and then nag, man children can get you bending your principles a bit!)

But using the naughty stair has worked well with us. The child hates being out of the action. 1 min per year. Clear simple explanation eg "no biting, if you bit you go on the naughty stair"

I have smacked my toddlers hand in the past but I have to say threads like this have definitely changed my thinking in regard to smacking. It does seem crazy to smack the child whilst chastising them for hitting!! I can totally see how that makes no sense.

So i am a work in progress but I now do everything I can before I even think about smacking. Plus my son is a total sweetheart and comes and kisses me when I tell him Nymmt is cross. All I want to do is protect him, not hurt him

*Mummy

I don't equate a sharp smack with violence. I'm old fashioned, my DDs are 13&16.

I don't see smacking a child in the modern PC light.

Sorry, but I feel far far sorrier for DCs who are ineffectually nagged, shouted at, moaned at, have favourite toys removed and still grow up without boundaries, than those given a quick slap and lots of love.

I also know which ones drove the primary HT up the wall in Y5&6 (and DDs still think are idiots in Y9)

I saw a mother hitting her child after he hit her. She said "don't hit me" as she smacked her child's bottom

You'd have to be an idiot not to recognise the stupidity of smacking.

I don't equate a sharp smack with violence

Of course it's violence.

Sorry, but I feel far far sorrier for DCs who are ineffectually nagged, shouted at, moaned at, have favourite toys removed and still grow up without boundaries, than those given a quick slap and lots of love.

You don't need to do any of those things if you choose not to smack. It's not one or the other.

What gives a parent the 'right' though It may be a quick slap to you but there is not pain guide for different smacks I have not done the other things either.

I don't see smacking a child in the modern PC light.

You choose not to because it suits you not to.

Elephants, it's a really silly statement to suggest that not smacking means a lack of boundaries and ineffective disciplining. I've never smacked my child, but I have effectively enforced boundaries whilst not nagging or moaning at him. Neither do I confiscate toys. He is a very well behaved 2.3 year old who is no trouble at nursery and generally delightful at home, bar the usual toddler issues when over tired or very hungry. Even then, he doesn't have epic tantrums or do anything particularly awful.

I actually can't imagine hitting him at all, for any reason. It is violent and aggressive, domineering and disrespectful. It's just not how I want to be towards my child.

Embarrassed I'm not suggesting it's not possible to bring DCs up well without smacking, and I suspect more and more very young children today will be.

However, some parents, especially of children around DD2's age made a total and utter hash of it.

I feel equally bad for both sets of children - those that are smacked, and those with ineffective parents.

I agree that there are lots of ineffective parents who are making a hash of parenting. The answer is not for them to start smacking their children.

No argument here about the numbers of ineffective parents. Its still no argument at all for smacking. And of course its violence, just as it would be if you hit anyone else!

Smack the friend who said you should smack your child, see if she likes it.
You don't like her telling you how to raise your child, after all can't stand people who decide that they can parent a child that's not theirs better than the parent.
You wouldn't hit an adult to tell them you didn't like their behavior (and if you did you'd probably be arrested) I don't see why it's ok to do it to a child.

No need to smack. Your behaviour tells your child everything they should need to learn about acceptable behaviour.

Smacking should be made illegal. It's a crime to hit another adult yet so many see it as perfectly acceptable to hit a small defenceless child who cannot change the situation.

There are so many other effective techniques to teach wrong from right without resorting to hitting.

'Smacking should be made illegal'

Completely agree Daisy.

Now where were you and all the other sensible folks on this thread a few weeks ago, on the thread where a MNer overheard another parent in the school cloakroom threatening to smack her child 'in front of all these people' because he was crying? Couldn't move for posters who were falling over themselves to defend this woman's 'parenting style' and telling the (quite rightly) concerned OP to keep her nose out of other people's choices. It was pretty revolting.

Sorry, that wink looks very inappropriate - please ignore it. I didn't want my post to sound arsey but it doesn't come across well

Aggression breeds aggression. I think if it stops a spiral of behaviour it is because you have instilled fear into the child, not because they have learned a better way. IME responding to 'bad' behaviour of any kind with physical force (aside from removal for safety etc when they are young) usually serves to escalate the situation rather than calm it down. I don't think it is ok to hit other adults, hitting a baby who has been alive in the world for such a short time and needs teaching everything is abhorrent.

There is no situation in which smacking is the best course of action. None.

You are doing exactly the right thing now.

Smacking won't teach her anything except to copy your smacking.

Apart from anything else, the child is 16 months old - I don't even believe it's possible to be naughty at this age. Say no with a simple explanation why and distract. "Don't hit the telly it will break and there'll be no peppa. Come and look at this instead". Positive attention rather than hitting them. You will get more out of your child in the long run.

You are doing fine. Do not listen to this woman.

I think your friend is wrong, it's perfectly possible to discipline without smacking :)

You're doing exactly the right thing to remove the possibility for her to misbehave, that's putting a boundary in place. Smacking is not going to be any more effective than that, so why bother?

I also think you are doing fine and should ignore this friend.

I was at soft play the other day and a woman wanted to leave but her toddler started kicking off so the woman smacked him across the head twice then waved her fist at him like she was going to punch him as he just lay on the floor sobbing. She then just walked off and left him while his dad scooped him up and followed her. It all happened so quickly but it upset me so much. I really hope we can all be better parents than that.

People may say smacking is different from that but it is all about negative parenting. My kids also weren't thrilled about leaving but I ignored the crying, gave them a hug and reminded them that it was their favourite pasta for dinner, soon cheered them up. No need to hit your kids to get your point across.

How horrible Mokun. That poor little boy

If you have a few other tools in your parenting toolbox (distraction, consequences, physically moving them etc) then ime you never need to smack as a form of discipline.

You might want to smack them, because they're being incredibly irritating, but that is about your emotions, not their need for discipline.