I am the worst mum on here tonight.

[saltnpepa]

This morning my dd who is 2 and my ds who is 5 were in the bath together and started splashing a bit. Dh said they're going to start messing about and he went downstairs and left me to it. Sure enough a few minutes later my dd started splashing the water with her whole arms and top part of her body with huge amounts of water going out of the bath while the older one threw water up in the air from a little bucket thingy. Within a few seconds the floor was covered in water and water was running down the walls and I was drenched, I was literally skidding about. I was trying to grab dd to get her out but she just thrashed about in the water and I couldn't get hold of her. Finally I got her and lifted her out and because she was thrashing she hit my face which sent me over the edge. She started screaming that she wanted to go back in and wouldn't sit down to put the towel around her and I lost control of myself and shouted 'fucking shut up' to her. I feel so ashamed

DH walked back in and asked what was going on and I said I had to get out of the situation because I felt like I wanted to smack her (never have and never would) and I went and cried in the bedroom. He finished them both off.

I just feel horrible. What sort of person says that to their baby! I am so upset. I am also cross with DH that he saw it coming and just walked away and he's always leaving me to sort things out. This morning it was my turn for a lie in having got up at 5am with dd all week and I couldn't sleep because he wasn't sorting out ds having a tantrum and just let it go on and on and I was getting more and more wound up listening to it and nothing getting sorted. After the bathroom scene he brought them both home from the supermarket and didn't do the weekly shop because dd had a tantrum and didn't want to get in the trolley, I mean seriously what?

Anyway, to all you mums who think you did badly today I am the worst and I just don't know how to go about coming back from it. I apologised to both kids after and again at bedtime.

We've all been there. They're not scarred for life. Deep breath and

You're not the worst. Trust me. We've all done similar at some point.

Your OH sounds like mine. I'll cuddle DD or whatever it takes to stop a tantrum. He'll just expect her to snap out of it on his timeframe and if she doesn't within seconds, he'll leave her to cry. She just turned three but he's always been like this.

I know it was shit. However You've made a mistake and you are now reflecting and making changes. That's positive.

You've apologised to them. Don't beat yourself up. You are a million miles from the worst parent ever.

Don't let your DP walk off and leave you to it again. It's not fair on you

Also it's positive for them to see you apologise and resolve an issue.

you do need to have words with DH. He needs to take responsibility for their behaviour and not just dump them on you.

I am actually crying, you really think other people have done this? About 10 minutes after it happened there was a knock at the door and I honestly had a split second where I thought it was the police, that someone had called cos they heard a baby crying a woman shouting fucking shut up. It's far fetched I know and actually it was Jehovah witnesses, yes it was, but for a moment there I imagined what it sounded like to anyone passing by. I just hate myself tonight for it and feel consumed with guilt. I am usually a nice mum, they're well loved and I play with them and do reading with the older one and cook good meals and they have lots of friends. I couldn't tell anyone in rl what I've said and it feels better to get it out.

You've taught your children that you're human, you make mistakes, that you apologise for mistakes. They're really important lessons. They're going to make loads of mistakes and they need to know it's normal, that the thing to do is apologise, and that it's redeemable.

The DH on the other hand, I'm not going to positive spin. He needs to buck up.

I've done that and worse I'm afraid. Honestly don't beat yourself up over it.

I lost the other day with my near five year old. Didn't hit but i shouted more ranted. I felt absolute crap - i am the adult i should be teaching self control ffs! I end up cuddling him to sleep whilst crying.

My point is that the vast majority of parents have been there but the point is to learn and not make it regular thing. Have a wine and tomorrow is a new day

Ps your partner needs to get on board not today as it has been difficult but later you need to sit and decide a strategy

Mine are a lot older than yours, but yes I've shouted and sworn at them on very rare occasions, not proud of it, but by The Lord Harry, they are enough to make a saint swear. Forget about it, they will.

You're not the worst parent in the world, far from it. You're human and you're being left to shoulder all the responsibility by your husband.

Besides, I'm the worst parent in the world, my teenager has told me often enough

Been there too. Screeched at mine more than once - esp when we are all over tired !!

This isn't about your kids and swearing at them. This is about you feeling resentful towards your bloke for not being supportive.

Out of the mouths of babes:
'Never let mummy brush your hair when she's mad at daddy'.

I told ds in a fury the other day he was being a right little shit. He's 18, and he laughed.

Oh we have all been there, they know what buttons to press.

I have lost it at times and I learn each time I do. I refuse to be a perfect parent because there is no such thing and my child isn't a perfect child either. There is no script or right thing to do in these scenarios.

Take stock of what you could have done differently - spoke up when DH disappeared? Let dd stay in bath with proviso of no more splashing? Who knows. You definitely need to talk to DH - you're a team and currently on different pages. Does he know how you feel about his behaviour this morning?

Go easy on yourself

You are not the first parent to swear at a small child and you wont be the last.

You do need to find a strategy to stop it getting so out of hand though. Ask once for something (splashing to stop), then tell - don't faff with the soft approach. Have consequences and follow though. A bit harder with DD, but perfectly do-able with the 5yo.

I feel fortunate inheriting my Dad's and - it just says 'Do Not Mess With Me'... you should practice your tone of voice and raised eyebrow... practice them on your DH first, he needs to pull his socks up.

... oh and I know it's very not MN, but I don't do all of this 'apologising' malarky. They didn't do as they were told, they got shouted at... nothing to apologise for.

You are not alone. Funnily enough, I did something v similar this evening with my almost 2 year old when he was hitting/kicking out (at Bath time too). I apologised, said that it wasnt nice to hit and kick and gave him a big hug before bed.

Still feel bad about losing my cool so this thread is making me feel a bit better too.

At the very least we should take comfort in the fact that we recognised that we didn't handle the situation so well and will make steps to help prevent it in future.

. Aww. We've all lost it at sometime or another o.p. As rewarding and amazing that being a mum is. It is also damn hard work and you're human. I also think your d.h could have been more supportive to you.

Honest to God, OP, we've all done it. And if someone says they haven't, I don't know I'd rush to believe them.

You are human. That's not such a terrible thing for your kids to learn. Try not to swear, mostly cos they'll repeat it and then you'll be a) embarrassed and furious and b) unable to have the moral high-ground!

I do think it sounds like your DP is in the wrong here. If you've been up since 5am, and he's not been working today, then he should have been in charge of bath-time. Bet you'd have felt much calmer then!

Really, you are in floods of tears because of that? If that is the worst you have done you are a bloody saint.

Your DH is shite. I mean really! Not doing the shop because of a tantrum? WTF? What would he have said if you had done the same thing?

He reminds me of my Ex. Saying you can have a lie in but then doing everything to sabotage it and make the day more difficult so that in the end you won't bother having lie ins anymore.

No, you're not. You're tired and stressed.
Your partner is a knob, though - which is why you are stressed.

In honesty, you need to address the division of responsibility and labour, and that will lead to you feeling less stressed.
That said, it may just feel like one thing too many.

At the very least, please try to make some fridnds who boost your self-esteem. Kids do act irrationally and in annoying ways. It's no reflection on you when they do that. Realising this will immediately lead to you feeling less involved and less angry - and more in control. Hence less shouting.

There was so much wrong with you dh's approach , I don't know where to start. It didn't make you feel like a great parent, did it? What an idiot.

We've all been there! I've told dd to shut up and go to sleep before and yes I did feel bad and certainly apologised to her but we're only human and sometimes there is only so much you can take. You did the right thing by removing yourself from the situation and I'm sure your dc have forgotten all about it by now, they know you love them

I feel fortunate inheriting my Dad's and - it just says 'Do Not Mess With Me'... you should practice your tone of voice and raised eyebrow... practice them on your DH first, he needs to pull his socks up.

I like this! Thank you all, I feel so much better knowing it's not the worst thing in the world, although it felt like it. DH is another whole thread, he gives up, he walks away, he has NO tone of voice, no authority with the kids, doesn't use his initiative on anything and generally drives me mad. The upside is he is warm, generous, kind, affectionate, gentle and supports me endlessly emotionally. He wants to always be on good terms with the kids and fails to fully grasp a Dad is meant to sometimes kick shit.