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Parenting

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Original poster

how will I cope on my own

31 replies

SophieJoe2014 · 10/10/2014 18:26

hi my little one is 11 days old and my oh has 2 weeks left off from work and I'm terrified that I will not cope with him not around. I burst into tears of the thought of him not being around. He has been amazing from the first minute and I'm just on an emotional roller-coaster thinking I'm no good . will this feeling go?

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Haribolover · 10/10/2014 20:01

Was dreading it too but was loads easier than I thought. Actually was nice to just to have our little routine during the day. I just warned him it to expect a tidy house and dinner cooked. Found getting out even just a walk to the shops was good for breaking up the day.

Original poster

SophieJoe2014 · 10/10/2014 20:04

I hope so, I just have this massive overhang of doubt that I'm not good enough to do it on my own, or I will get nothing done for worrying if she will wake. I know I'm being silly but I can't get past it, when will the tears stop!

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/10/2014 20:05

Sophie it is daunting when your partner goes back to work but I'm sure you'll be fine.

Some things that might help you through the day are:

Get showered before he leaves.
Ask him to make you some lunch in the fridge.
Get a flask of your favourite drink and some snacks to keep you going.
If you are ffing, consider making up a couple of bottles in the morning and storing them in the back of the fridge.
If you are bfing, settle yourself on the settee with your flask and snacks, MN, a phone and TV.
Try to arrange a good friend or family member to call around for half an hour with some cake and coffee.
Don't set yourself a to do list. Your aim for the day should just to make sure you are both fed.

Could either of you do a bit of cooking, maybe make some spag Bol or a lasagne that you could freeze and have for dinner when he returns from work.

Is there something specific that you are worried will happen?

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Original poster

SophieJoe2014 · 10/10/2014 20:20

sounds like good advice.

no, nothing in particular, just afraid I will let it get ontop of me and put myself down too much. He has took to parenting like a dream and it seams natural to him. I thought it would be the other way so maybe that's why I am not coping well

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PeteHornberger · 10/10/2014 20:29

I remember crying when DH went back to work, I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to cope, so you're not alone in that feeling.

I planned my first day without him so i met with friends in the morning (who both had small babies) and then saw my mum in the afternoon. Can you meet up with someone where there is no pressure, even if it's just to go for a walk?

I practised putting the buggy up on my own (sounds silly, but made me feel better to finally learn how to do it!) and packed my bag the night before so we were ready to go. And as much as I was dreading it, the fact that I got out and did it on my own made me feel amazing and much more confident in my abilities than if he'd been there helping me out. Once you've mastered the first day, it keeps getting easier, I promise!

My DD is 3 now and I'm expecting our second, am sure I'll cry all over again when he has to go back to work this time too!

JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/10/2014 20:32

Try and remember that this is a learning curve for you and Lo. You haven't done this before and no one is judging you. If you come across other Mums, they may appear confident but you have no idea what they are thinking or how they are coping themselves.

Don't be harsh on yourself, you Lo thinks you are the best Mum in the whole world and you will be

JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/10/2014 20:33

Pete now you've said that I can remember practicing with the buggy myself

Original poster

SophieJoe2014 · 10/10/2014 21:09

thank you to everyone, massive help knowing I'm not the only one. my biggest gear is feeling as if I'm trapped in the house, I just need that little push to be active and trust me my oh is brill at motivating me.
I have a friend whose day off is when he goes back to work so I will maybe plan a walk and just try not to panic.
I feel silly that even thinking of him leaving for work that day makes me cry, writing this my eyes are full up. Im shocked at how emotional I am

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Blankiefan · 10/10/2014 21:21

I was also terrified of this. A lovely friend told me that everyone feels this way (which, coming from her really helped as she's a naturally great mum). She told me - there's nothing like a newborn baby to make a strong, competent woman feel useless!

You'll find your way and it'll be fine.

Don't forget that you're full to the brim of hormones just now. A year later, I look back on those early weeks and realise how much affect that had. I was a weeping wreck - but I was fine. You'll be too...

JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/10/2014 21:21

Its fine to be emotional. You've had a pg, labour and birth and now you have a tiny person to look after with probably not much sleep

Iggly · 10/10/2014 21:25

This was me 5 years ago! I also posted on mn for advice and it made me feel better.

I found getting a morning routine helped I.e. get up with dh and shower before he left. So I was dressed and could get out of the house.

Remember, you can put baby down to do stuff but my sanity was kept in check by getting out every day!

Original poster

SophieJoe2014 · 10/10/2014 21:37

I'm gonna take the advice to shower before he leaves as I know this will help and I'm not just sat in my pj's feeling sorry for myself. I don't know how women do this single.
hopefully I will be less teary by the time he goes back.

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smogsville · 10/10/2014 21:51

Normal to feel terrified. Reading this post brings it all back. I reckon I'll be the same this time around too. Can I also gently suggest that getting out might be more important than being showered if push comes to shove - baby wipes for a quick freshen up can work wonders (what a thing to own up to).

Original poster

SophieJoe2014 · 10/10/2014 21:57

yeah I need to drill I'm that getting out is important because I would quite happily sit and go sour on the couch all day. my oh had to push me to go out when I was pregnant because I lost all love for myself
and just wanted to curl up

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TheABC · 10/10/2014 22:17

I remember the dread of DH walking out the house on that first day and thinking "oh shit - how will I cope?"

You will, you really will. As everyone else has said; aim to get out the house and line up all your supplies in advance, so you have everything you need to hand. I used to get up and get dressed at the same time as DH; it made me feel motivated to face the day, rather than lounge around in pyjamas. But that's just me; camp out on the sofa if you prefer!

Whilst DH is still with you, find out/visit some baby groups and sure start centres. That way, you will already have some plans and potential activities to do. For example, play & stay, baby signing, baby massage, mumfit, baby zumba (you get the idea). I also found a local breastfeeding group a great help - mainly for tea, cakes and somewhere to main about sore nipples and a lack of sleep.

Good luck OP; you will be fine.

Blankiefan · 10/10/2014 22:29

Can I also suggest that you look at slings? I had no clue so paid for a sling consultation - a very lovely lady came to the house with lots of different slings to show me how to pick / use one. It was amazing. If there's a sling library near you, they'd also help.

Made a huge difference to be "hands-free" - more cups of tea / biccies and DD napped perfectly on it. We had a stretchy wrap for the early days - it also helped me bond more with her. Kind of like stroking your pregnant belly again but with the baby on the outside.... Well, that's what it felt like to me (sounds odd written down!)

lighteningmcmama · 10/10/2014 22:37

one thing that helped me when dh went back to work was that in his last week of paternity leave (he had 3weeks) i did some 'practise', so i sent dh out for half a day twice. so i got used to spending time being responsible for everything for a little while.

also every day dh would make sure i had lunch ready in the fridge to grab and eat, so if things got overwhelming i wouldnt compromise on eating at least, v important if youre breastfeeding

Bedsheets4knickers · 10/10/2014 23:12

I was terrified aswel. Baby should still be sleeping a lot when dh goes back so get yourself some box sets and hot chocolates for the nxt month or 2, you will be ready to pass baby over at the end of the day. I had my 1st born over the autum 2010. Once I'd got over the shock it was actualy really nice to have cozy afternoons in . It'll be ok I promise x

TheBuggerlugs · 11/10/2014 16:24

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Original poster

SophieJoe2014 · 12/10/2014 12:35

thank you to you all, it has really helped knowing I'm not the only on who has felt like this. still dreding it 100% but I'm sure nothing 10 mins of tears won't sort out. I need to shake this feeling that I can't do it :/

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Stripylikeatiger · 12/10/2014 12:44

You can do it! Don't worry about how you'll feel when he goes back to work, 2 weeks is a long time in terms of post natal hormones, at around day 11 I sat sobbing for an hour because my darling baby boy would one day leave home.

I really worried about my dp going back to work but actually things seemed to get easier as we had our own little routine. I didn't do any tidying/cooking whilst dp was at work for the first couple of months I just focused on the baby, just enjoy those snugly cuddles and try to get out and about a little if you have the energy. Baby groups are nice, even though your baby won't be interacting with the other babies it's nice to sit down with a cup of tea and chat to other mums about birth/sleepless nights/nappy sizes/feeding.

Congratulations

TheBuggerlugs · 12/10/2014 12:55

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Original poster

SophieJoe2014 · 12/10/2014 14:51

he goes back next Tuesday to his full time job and will be on 15 hour days. I still don't have my appetite back yet, surviving on toast and lucazade

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sometimesyouwin · 12/10/2014 16:36

A few other people have said things along a similar line but I'd definitely recommend doing a few practice trips out alone before he goes back to work. I did it with my first DS and it gave me enough confidence to be able to do little outings to the shops etc on my own. You will be fine, it's early days and hormones are still raging around making things seem crazy. I spent many a day in tears at the beginning and even did the same with DS2 but once you're out there doing it on your own your confidence will increase really quickly. I promise you'll be fine

Original poster

SophieJoe2014 · 12/10/2014 17:18

I took your advice and I took my dd out on my own today, just a walk out and popped into local supermarket for some bits. I had a couple of tears on the way out but I did it lol. it's crazy how the simple things seem like such a big deal. I'm looking forward to my confidence coming back and being able to get back to me and being an active mum

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