Am I being selfish? Please be honest

[Hargreaves14]

I have a now 5 month old little girl, but I've always wanted to join the army as a combat medic. My husband is very supportive and I told him I was going to join the reserves but I want it to be my full time job. Is it selfish of me if I join? I feel it is because I could end up leaving my husband and daughter for 6months! This has stopped me from applying, I'm 20 so still have plenty of time. I just can't bring myself to tell my husband I want to go in fulltime and I feel like a bad mum

You do know what a reserve is right? In the present climate I would imagine the chances of being deployed are pretty high.

I know Tinkly that's why I'm going to speak to someone in more depth

I don't think you did word tgat badly littlems I think you put it very well. I totally agree with you.

Whether or not your child was planned is besides the question. You are a mother now and has such you have a duty to be there for your child and not gallivanting off to distant places in search of adventure. I think you should grow up and take responsibility and stop chasing dreams. Don't suppose you will like this reply. But in the end it's your life. But you've asked for advice.

I'm not going to take it badly.. I know I am a mum and I care for her 24 hours 7 days a week I'm going in to talk to someone see what they say about the reserves and after that I will sit down with my husband whether I go any further on the matter. I'm very grown up and mature, you ask anyone and they wouldn't have a bad word to say about me. There is nothing wrong with having ambitions, my mum joined the reserves and still cared for 4 children. My daughter will always come first nobody needs to tell me to put her first. I'll take what people say because I did ask for opinions and everyone is obviously going to have there own view.

That post isn't meant to sound bad.. I'm nit the best with wording.

Yes.

Thank you to everyone who replied. I've taken every aspect into consideration and I'm not going to apply. I'm going to go and speak to someone about the reserves and see the wider picture of what would be expected of me and if I don't find it fair on my daughter I am going to finish of my universal application

*university application

University will be much more fun (and safer!), easier on your family and will show your daughter you are not afraid to work hard to follow your dreams. Good luck op.

Well done. I think you've made the right decision. But in the end it was up to you. Sorry if I was harsh.

Nothing wrong with being harsh as that's always something I've want to do to. It's always been a medic or Midwife

I do think you should go and speak to them about what being in the reserves would actually entail, so that you know.

I also think that your DH, at 27, should have suggested this when you first spoke about it. It's lovely that he supports you, but it shouldn't be at the cost of doing what is right for his daughter, nor encouraging his much younger wife to 'go for it' when he doesn't even know what it entails. Both of you should know better.

You might want to look at who we were at war with when your Mum was in the reserves and who we are at war with now... and what the chances of being called up were then and what they are now.

If you would also like to be a midwife - then that's a much more family friendly occupation - well kind of, it's anti social hours on the whole, lots of hard work & a fair bit of stress, but you aren't away for weeks/months on end and you are far more likely to come home - alive.