Talk to me about having 2 girls? Or being one of 2 girls?

[minipie]

We have a toddler DD and I am expecting DD2. We don't intend any more children so (if all goes to plan) we will be a family with 2 girls and no other siblings.

The trouble is, in all the families I know with this set up, the 2 sisters don't get on very well. This sadly includes me and my dsis (we are very different people and always seem to wind each other up somehow). Other set ups in families I know, eg three children of any gender, or 1 boy 1 girl, or 2 boys, seem to get on much better.

Logically I expect this is just coincidence and it just so happens that the families I know with 2 sisters happen to have had quite different personalities come out. But it still worries me.

So, for reassurance, please can you tell me stories of families with just 2 sisters, no other siblings, where the sisters get on brilliantly?

Oh and any tips to help ensure good relations between the sisters...?

Thank you!

I have a sister and no brothers. We used to wind each other up a bit but we still got on quite well. Very close now. She is 3 years older than me. :)

You can't guarantee a good relationship between them but hopefully they will have one.

Good luck with your new arrival.

I have a DSis, we fought a lot as children but got on really well at other times. By the time I was 16 we were best friends. We are t as close now because we live so far apart, but still have a great relationship... But do still have arguments quite often, it's just how we are

We also gang up on our parents so watch out

I have two DDs, with a 2 yr 11 month age gap, and they get on v well overall, apart from usual sibling stuff.

I have one sister, who is 2 yrs 9 months younger, and we got on generally well when growing up, again apart from usual sibling frustrations, and get on very well as adults!

Oh, and with regards to making sure they have a good relationship, treat them both fairly and equally.

I am 1 of 2 sisters. We have and still do get on very well.

I think how siblings get on is entirely down to personalities and nothing else.

Thanks for the replies so far... reassuring! Of course any siblings will squabble I wouldn't expect no squabbling! but I would like them to have an underlying good relationship if possible.

I think personality is probably 90% of it trying but just wondering if there is a 10% I can help with...

Same here, me & my sister are very close. There are four years between us so we weren't dead close as children but from teenage onwards we really got on.

It's likely personality rather than gender.

You'll probably find that people expect boy/girl siblings not to like the same things, have different hobbies and interests, and not to play together as much as two the same sex. Therefore there's not so much sibling rivalry.

I agree micah I think there is less expectation that a boy/girl would play together all the time and that puts less pressure on the relationship.

Me and my sister get on really well...we didn't always, there's 2.5 years between us, so the usual petty squabbles as children and the teen years were, um, eventful, lol.

But we're very close. She lived with me and DP a couple of times when she was between tenancies (when she was still single) when she had her DS I was her childcare, when I went to uni she was mine. We automatically invite the other to social things and speak a few times a week even if we're busy and it has to be by phone.

I can't really offer you any parenting tips, because I think a lot of it is just personality as well, but I definitely wouldn't worry just now.

minipie

The other 10% might be buying them the same clothes ! I used to hate it when my mum used to dress us the same. My little sister loved it and used to wait till I got dressed before rushing to put the same outfit on. I was 3 years older ffs!

Interestingly, we have completely different tastes (and shapes) now and can't borrow clothes even though we'd probably like to.

Ha trying! I have to say my mum never did that ... I think there possibly was a bit too much pressure to play together though (given we were 5 years apart), it might have been better to leave us to our own devices a bit more.

Ok I do feel reassured, thank you everyone! It won't necessarily work out that they are close, I know that, but at least it's not inevitably doomed as you might think if you looked round the sisters I know...!

I have three sisters (no brothers) and are extremely close we. We get on very well and although we live in different parts of the world we speak almost daily. They are my best friends and I trust them completely.

I have twin girls. Before we knew what we were having I was desperate for 2 girls as I know how wonderful it is having a sister. Mine are only two but I van already see them forming a wonderful bond.

Every woman needs a daughter and a sister :)

"Every woman needs a daughter and a sister"

I think this is an awful thing to say, and I strongly disagree. There must be millions of women out there without daughters, and/or sisters. Are they somehow inferior, or living an unfulfilled life?

In fact my sil has neither daughter or sister, and I don't think she "needs" either. She seems to be managing perfectly fine.

Jeez, another example of how the sex of a person is deemed more important than any other quality. I'd far rather I had a brother or son I got on with, than a sister or daughter I didnt.

Like saying every man needs a son. They just don't.

I love, love, LOVE my sister

There is just over 5 years between my 2 DDs. They get on very well.

Advantages

• no standing in the cold watching football matches
• can hand down clothes
• can share a bedroom for longer, and if needed can share a double bed on holiday for longer

Disadvantages

• when younger it was always my responsibility to take them to public toilets, and to supervise getting changed for swimming

I have 2 girls. Year 8 and 12. They get on very well on the whole. There are periods where they are closer because of varying levels of maturity as they grow up. But generally the youngest one knows when to be doing her own thing, and butt out if the older one is having friends about. They always get on well on holidays and chat away to each other at dinner time.

I am the youngest of three girls. Four and a half years between the eldest and myself. I would say the older two didn't get on that well as we grew up, but only 18 months between them. Now we all get on brilliantly. In daily contact with both of them by email. I live abroad, but my sisters' children come and stay with us for months at a time. And are welcome.

I have three DDs; DD1 is 11 and DTs who are 9. They bicker and squabble on a daily basis over tiny things, as do most siblings, I imagine . However when DT2 was being bullied last year, DT1 and DD1 backed her to the hilt and supported her at home and at school. It's nice that they all like doing the same things, but can be frustrating for the DTs to be compared to their older sister all the time (particularly as they are so close in age). I encourage them to have different interests and different friends (DTs are in different classes at school and DD1 just started at secondary).

I have a younger brother - we were quite close when we were young, but fought like cat and dog as teenagers. Now we're both in our forties, we're quite close, but massively so - we're not in constant contact for example, but he is having my girls to stay this weekend while DH and I have a couple of nights away together.

I was delighted to have all girls (and DH is too, although that may change when the DDs all hit puberty at the same time as I hit the menopause ). I hope their current bond continues as they grow older.

I have 4 sisters....argh ! but I have friends with only one sibling of the same sex who are v good friends. I only started to get on with my sisters really as an adult when I moved out, and had a particularly poor relationship with my nearest sister growing up.

I have two DD's and I am concerned about the same stuff.
I try to ensure that DD1 is not made to feel responsible for DD2 in a pseudo parental fashion all the time "where is your sister?" that sort of stuff that only gets worse as you get older and destroyed my relationship with my sister.
DD2 is not allowed to take DD1's stuff. They are encouraged to play nicely together but it's not forced.
We don't dress them alike.
We try very hard to ensure that DD2 is treated as an individual rather than as a vehicle for handmedowns.
DD1 is encouraged to be kind to her little sister as unkind treatment always results in reciprocal shoving/pinching whatever. DH is particularly good at pointing this out to her on the spot so she can "see" where she has "taught" her younger sister to be unkind back to her. That's borne a lot of fruit.

My house was a bit of a free for all growing up so I tend to ignore it as sibling stuff but DH pounces on it. I do wonder if he would be more tolerant of it if they were two boys though

Thanks everyone, all good stories!

DD1 is encouraged to be kind to her little sister as unkind treatment always results in reciprocal shoving/pinching whatever. DH is particularly good at pointing this out to her on the spot so she can "see" where she has "taught" her younger sister to be unkind back to her. That's borne a lot of fruit. ooh, good tip there.

Nooo, I love my sister :) We used to fight but nothing major. We played together all the time, shared a room, people used to think we were twins (we thought this was great so played along).

I read Siblings Without Rivalry and found that my mum had done a lot of the stuff in there without having read the book - not comparing us or encouraging us to compete against each other is one I remember resonating with me, and also the one about not setting each sibling up into roles (the academic one vs the creative one etc)

We used to chat and giggle right into the night, we had a fab time.

Picture 5 girls dressed in the same dress [FFS] in ages ranging from 12 to 1..... it doesn't breed good sibling relationships