The Talk

[MrsPiddlewink]

My Ds is approaching 9.

From what I've read on here - and other sites - we should have discussed sex by now. We haven't, and he hasn't asked. My youngest (at 3) probably knows more because he's always asking (he knows all about periods thanks to being permanently attached to me!). Have I left it too late for my oldest? He's quite sensitive and shy, and gets easily embarrassed.

Any advice gratefully received. I never had the talk with my parents, and even my period was taboo... I don't want it to be like that for my DC.

Mummy Laid an egg; can't remember publisher or author, but it's funny so helps diffuse embarrasment

Yeh, I liked "Mummy laid an egg" too - it suited us!
What a lovely and helpful thread. Just the sort of thing MN is there for :-)

"Where Willy went" is fab for younger children!!!
I bought "Let's talk about sex" for my older one also v good.

I started explaining things with Dr Christians book - however i wouldnt let him flick through the book by himself - it seems too old for him at 9 - dont know if im being a prude?!? Might try the usborne one, thanks!

Love the nature programs tip - thank you!

On a perhaps slightly different note - I've realised that I've probably sheltered them from it to some degree. We've avoided anything alluding to sex on Tv (not anything indecent - family films) and specifically turn off the radio once the news comes on as there is undoubtedly (at the moment) some sort of sex related crime being talked about. I'm wondering if this was the right thing to do now...

At 9 he really will have heard things in the play ground even if you have sheltered him a bit at home.

Another recommendation for 'where willy went' and also 'amazing you'. Have used these with my 7 and 5 year old. Talks about bodies and how babies are made in age appropriate factual language, albeit it with no mention of intercourse.

But the books are brilliant springboards for other conversations... It makes sex, periods, masturbatiob etc so much easier to explain when they're ready

We have also tended to switch off anything related to sex on TV, to be honest. But DD1 is now 12 and at secondary school and it really is essential that we talk about sex, to counter the rubbish she hears at school. Therefore, I am now tending more towards deliberately putting on things which are slightly (only slightly!) more adult, while she's around. It's an easy way to prompt the right kind of questions being asked.

And here's the point ... DD2 is nine, and as a result of having an older sister she is seeing stuff that we would never have had on while our pfb was nine . And guess what ... she can cope! Some stuff goes over her head. Other stuff leads to discussions, which she's perfectly capable of taking part in at her level. And we are all getting used to saying the word "sex" without blushing, which is at least 90% of the battle in terms of being able to discuss things with kids.

Oh, MrsS!!

Did you suggest asking her?

MrsPiddlewink"Add message | Report | Message poster MrsPiddlewink Thu 25-Sep-14 20:44:22
Also- I really want to drum into them about consent, no means no etc, how do I brooch that?"

That probably deserves it's own thread!

The approach i have been taking has so far been trying to model for my son to use the same sort of pattern at playtime with friends as I read being examples of consent communication. That you need to ask your friends opinion and express your own as you go along.

Do we still want to play this game? / i do not want to play this.
Do we want to do this instead? / yes/no

Where it gets difficult is there IS a difference between learning to cooperate, and take turns even if you are disinterested vs. feeling obligated (or expecting your partner) to be cooperative when they are disinterested! What works when sorting out whether to pretend a space game or play football but is not quite the goal for future sexual encounters. Or is it? Consent isnt ONLY about yes or no, it is also about adjusting expectations and plans as you go. Right?

Actually I remeber reading an article a while a while that suggested ALWAYS listening to a no, and that's something that I've tried to impliment. As in - when they say stop if I'm tickling, I stop, even if I know they don't mean it.

Ooops - sorry about the typos!

This may, or mat not, be useful and relevent.

jezebel.com/omfg-teach-your-kids-accurate-names-for-body-parts-alre-1637781018/+TracyMoore

We've gone for enthusiastic consent rather than just consent, coupled with the idea that sex should be fun and enjoyable. So not enough to hear yes, but also to make sure that signs of enjoyment are also present, and when they are the ones consenting that they should only do so if they really really want to. Not sure when I started talking in those terms though, my two are 15 and just 14 so sex while I hope still fairly distant is much more on the cards. They both have friends/classmates who are sexually active (both spend time with older children not just their own age groups) and dd had her first proper kiss recently - but then found that a 'proper' relationship was much to heavy right now and has decided not to have sex until she is in her twenties...

Hi O.P. The book Mummy laid an egg by Babette Cole is very good and it light heartidly teaches children where babies come from

OP if you want to check out Mummy Laid an Egg then it is being read aloud on You Tube. I think it is a bit silly too, and not very appropriate for an almost 9 year old (maybe for much younger children) but if you think it would work for your family then once you get past the silly start it's all fairly accurate (although might lead to interesting discussions about the sexual positions you and your children's father used!)