The first 6 weeks- how much did you do?

[Tallblue]

My DD is just over 5 weeks old. Where I live, there are lots of coffee mornings, baby groups and opportunities to meet people. Before my DD arrived, I had planned to be out and about, meeting other mums and going to as many activities as possible. But in reality, it seems this was overly ambitious and I find it hard to get us up, fed, dressed and out to any activity with a fixed start time. If I'm honest, I am tired and don't feel like socialising and I'm inclined to stay in all day every day, trying to catch some sleep when I can... but at the same time, I then beat myself up for not making more effort. Also after a full day at home, I feel restless and unhealthy. Going out for walks isn't an option as I live overseas in an extremely hot country (so any trips out are in the car, to coffee shops, supermarket, malls etc). I know I'm probably putting too much pressure on myself and even though I know this, I really am struggling. I think it might help to hear how much or little others did during their first 6 weeks with a newborn, to know I'm not alone!

I didn't go to a baby group until ds was about 10 weeks old and even then, it was a bit of a struggle to get out the house on time (looking vaguely presentable) and I'd have rather been at home on the sofa, watching tv in my pjs cuddling my baby. All ds did was sleep, eat and poop at the group anyway (it was baby massage) so a complete waste of money, but I did make some "mummy friends" who I am still in touch with 9 months on. With hindsight, the early weeks should just be about going with the flow and taking each day as it comes. Go out for a walk or to a drop in mum and baby group if you feel like it, but don't feel pressured to sign up to any courses of classes that you'll dread each week! You have loads of time for groups in a few months when getting out the house won't feel like such an epic task!

Relax... catch up on sleep if you can. . For me going out n about was very tough. Because ds was not bfing n i had to pump 4-5 times a day n feed him (he was a very slow feeder took 2-3 hours to complete 60 ml) initial few weeks were tough for me. i joined the baby massage class which was great to socialise.. But whatever time i got i tried to catch up on sleep which was never enough. .
If you are on a long ML you will get time but if you miss being outdoors, go to any activities with babies nearby. . which as someone has said, is more about you then your baby for the initial few weeks

With my first dc I watched Wimbledon, bf on the sofa, mn, and recovered from a cs. I didn't do all ( any) the activities available because I didn't want to. Babies don't need all that, IMO.

With dc2, in a hot country:) - I had a toddler as well. So the above wasn't possible, and if I put the tv on, we would watch the tellytubbies not hours of morse.

I went to toddler groups so my older dc got out but with the heat its very hard to manage. And the hot/ cold ac didn't suit the baby much. Lots of people left babies at home with maids which wasn't for me. Go to others houses if you know anyone or invite them to yours if they have a baby too. I don't know where you are but there will be a group for expat new mums I expect, which you might like in few months.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, instead aim for just getting out of the house at least once per day and perhaps when your child is older (6-12 months) join some groups then.

Stayed in, breast fed, laid around, relaxed, went for gentle walks, watched box sets & daytime TV, slept, napped, ate, drank lots of water, had a few friends to visit, they brought cake.

Oh it was bliss!

I didn't do much at all during the first few weeks, but felt pressure to be out and about. I also had a c section, so the first month or so was as much about recovering my own strength as well as looking after the baby.

I had 9 months maternity leave and stressed a lot about baby groups. I tried a few and to be honest they aren't my thing. I wish I hadn't worried so much, I came back to work part time when he was 9 months and he now gets all the socialising and playtime he needs when he's at the childminder.

Best advice I was given - the first 3 months are for free. Do whatever you need to to survive.

I did find I needed human / adult contact - if you are aching to get out house, can you do controlled visits to friends, or have people come to you?

And of course of course of course you are not alone - you are in the same boat as every single one of us. It's really, really hard when they are five weeks old. Probably the hardest thing most of us will do - the sleep deprivation starting to kick in, the post-birth high wearing off, partners back at work.

How about this - work out something that you COULD do every day. Then on that day, if you want to, go and do it. If not, well, you're listening to your body and resting, and you might do tomorrow's thing. If you feel like it.

And obvs don't worry about your baby, who just needs mum/dad at the moment.

PS You are allowed to be an hour or more late to everything until they are - what, 18?

Nothing really, just dozed with baby and watched tv. Went out for the occasional walk but ds was a real sleeper and slept for 20/24 hours so I did too.
It was bliss!
Managed to have tea ready for dh coming home but he was off for a month so we did some car trips to visit family. Mainly tho we watched box sets while cuddling ds!

Don't feel guilty about just enjoying this first bit - you'll never get to rest when they rest and sit and watch TV while feeding again as next time you'll have another one to sort out! Well unless they're at school I guess. With my first I pushed myself really hard to get out lots, went to loads of groups and just exhausted myself. This time round I started going to baby massage at 12 weeks and am continuing with the follow on group after that. That's the only baby activity we do. Occasionally I meet friends with babies for coffee, and two days a week I have DD1 as well so we might do things with friends her age but mainly I sit around at home and relish in it as it won't be happening again once I'm back at work! I thought I needed something to do every day but it turns out I'm actually far calmer and happier if we have a couple of stay at home days a week

Honestly?

Last time, I started with the school run, then into the local town, then I went furniture shopping, Christmas shopping, and decorated the bedroom. We went out to dinner, to the pub, to the cinema a few times and to the park/picnics and out with friends. I took both kids on holiday by myself on public transport and whilst away we went to fireworks displays, mountain walks, general day trips and forest parks, on a boat, out in the evening etc.

If you had asked me what did I do in the last six weeks of pregnancy I would have said nothing apart from work, school run and general childcare like park etc. because I was physically and mentally incapable of it. I think I am built the wrong way round. I feel so horrendous during pregnancy, that feel so much better after giving birth, so the minute the baby comes out it is like I have been released from nine months in prison, and off I go.

There is no right way. You do what you feel ready for. I felt liberated. Others may feel trapped, or happy to nest, or any other combination of things.

Just whatever you do, enjoy it!

I was up and about from the day I got home (the day after giving birth in both cases). Pretty much carried on as normal, just with a baby attached. I'd had vaginal births (the second with no drugs at all) and found BF fairly straightforward, which probably helped me, but that's me as a person. I hate hate hate sitting still and doing nothing: to the point that after my last baby I asked to walk from the delivery room to the recovery ward (a trip involving two flights of stairs and a long corridor) carrying my three-hr old son, rather than use the wheelchair they provided....

It's a fine balance between doing too much and finding it all too overwhelming, and doing so little that the thought of doing anything becomes overwhelming. Baby (excuse the pun) steps.

Even 10mins out of the house will do you the world of good. If you can't walk anywhere, go for a 10min drive. If you can't face that, then get someone round to visit you: try not to be alone with the baby all day long. I personally find/found those days the hardest. But whatever you do, don't beat yourself up. You will not be at home forever. At some point, you will be up and about.

(The midwife refused to let me walk btw - she and DH unceremoniously bundled me into a wheelchair :) ).

Stayed in, breast fed, laid around, relaxed, went for gentle walks, watched box sets & daytime TV, slept, napped, ate, drank lots of water, had a few friends to visit, they brought cake.

I'm 39 weeks with No1 child, and the above by BeCool is my plan. I thought I might try and do some stuff after Christmas. Until then I'm doing exactly what I want in a chilled kinda way.

I had a pretty easy time of it as births go, and I've always been a really busy stressed person, always bustling about and doing stuff, so I just continued in that vein pretty much as soon as I got home from hospital. DD had her first visit to the supermarket at four days old and, at eight days old, spent the morning in the park and wandering around the town with DP and me, and then I pushed her 5 miles home. Since then, I take her out for walks regularly and go to a breastfeeding group, a 'general' baby group, and a baby/toddler swimming session every week, plus any additional sessions that the local Sure Start is running that we're interested in, like Baby Sensory and Baby Massage. It's great for me to meet other mams and know that I'm not alone (I'm the first of my friendship group to have a baby), but DD also really enjoys being out and about and it gives her chance to play with other toys as we can't afford much for at home and don't have the space for it either. We also regularly go out to lunch/coffee with friends and to the library for 'Story Time' - she's a bit young really (15 weeks now, and we've been going for three weeks I think, but she enjoys watching the older children and she likes the songs). I've no idea what country you're in and so these may be totally impractical, and no have I RTFT (sorry! ), but depending on your interests, could you:

Spend more time around at friends' houses or having them at yours so you get to socialise without being 'out' out?

Subscribe to something like LoveFilm so you and your littlun can have lots of cuddle time?

See if there's any kind of exercise group aimed at new mothers locally? Round here there's something called Buggyfit that takes place in parks, but that's about all I know about it?

See if there are any events you could take baby along to? I've had DD to a couple of (very English, I know - might not apply where you are!) country shows over the summer

Go to the library for any kids' sessions or just for you to read and have a coffee somewhere out of the house?

Walk on the beach?

First six weeks i barely left the house. Only short walks.

By about 10 weeks i ventured out a little more but didn't start classes/baby groups until about 16 weeks or so.

Catching up on sleep and one to one bonding with your baby is most important, you are doing fine and everything will fall into place in time

I just had dc3 5 months ago. She's my last so I was determined to just do things my way and enjoy her.

So although there was a certain amount of busyness with two older ones, the first weeks I rested, watched TV, ate, held her a lot whilst dh and family helped with older ones.

The older two are at school now and to be honest I enjoy just pottering at home with my baby or going out for coffee and cake with her. I occasionally go to a singing group at the library and meet other mums with babies.

I do like a tidy house so my favourite days are spent tidying a bit, getting organised, then taking a nap with my baby before the after school mayhem.

It took me 6months to get out after I had #1. Like you,I just didn't feel like it,and just wanted to sleep when he slept. I found it all do difficult.so don't beat yourself up-just sit back and enjoy your baby.you never get such precious time back.eventually you will feel like getting up and out and then you will love it!i used to be do be so happy when I would get out to the local playgroup for half an hour at 2pm-2.30pm! That sounds so silly but it's true-and it's just because we are adapting to a huge life change and everyone does it differently. The NCT group I was part of were all v sociable and were out doing things everyday-but I simply wasn't up to it.i kept in touch by email and then in my own time I got out. I also found that if I forced myself on a day I didn't really want to go,I wasn't my usual friendly self .there is No right or wrong. Using things like mumsnet etc can be your social scene at the minute-it's perfect-you can do it when you want,on the sofa etc,and really all baby needs at the minute is a happy loving mum,they don't really benefit from playgroup until much later.x

I felt the same, just wanted to huddle but feeling physical constraint because I couldn't go out alone. What helped was getting support so I could go swimming or for walks. Even if you pay someone to hold your baby for a couple of hours for a swim it will get that pent up feeling out of your system.

I used to go to my Mum's for a nap. The only decent sleep I got because I knew she would look after the baby and I wouldn't be woken. Those naps were worth their weight in gold.

The first groups I attended were the breastfeeding groups, which were a total lifeline to me. I psyched myself up to go to them and then, relieved and buoyed that what I was doing was ight, went home again to rest and eat yoghurt and icecream. Playgroups came later, when I started becoming stir-crazy at home. The timing felt right that way.

From the first week, I tried to go outside each day, even if just into the garden to breathe some air. I realise if you're somewhere hot you might not be able to manage that (or the air is less refreshing!), but perhaps an early morning or late evening breather of air and a stretch to get those shoulders moving might be just enough for now.

Good luck!

with all of mine i went out when baby was a few days old not very much for the first 10 days mainly because of the midwife had me waiting in for 3-4 hours a time which was i found most hard from day 12 i was out most days