Tell me about 3 year age gaps?

[notmuchofaclue]

DD1 is two and we're expecting no. 2, they'll be about 3 years apart. I wondered if anyone could tell me what experiences they have of this age gap? Will DD1 deal with it better because she's older? Or get frustrated because it will be a long time before her sibling will be able to play with her?
Interested to know what your experiences are, not that I can do anything to change the age gap now of course!

I have a 3y 2w age gap and it's lovely. My eldest was old enough to entertain himself a little by the time his brother was born. He also was a brilliant fetcher/carrier! . He understood that he'd have to wait a few minutes while I dealt with his brother at times. It's a lovely gap.

They are 6 and 9 now and it's a small enough gao that they like to play together.

Oh and my Ds1 never became frustrated that his brother couldn't play with him when they were still at the baby/toddler stage - he revelled in being the big brother and loved entertaining his sibling.

We have 2yr 11 months and its perfect. I couldn't have planned it better.

Yy to some fetching and carrying of nappies/wipes so they feel part of it.

Nearly 6 and 3 and play together lovely. Really glad it wasn't a closer gap or bigger. Just right :)

Good luckx

Dd was 2y 9m when ds was born.

Pros:
She was potty trained
We could explain to her what was happening
She could entertain herself beautifully with crafts etc while I fed ds
We had lots of lovely times when ds was napping (which was A LOT- he was v sleepy)
She was old enough to enjoy playgroup/time with grandparents etc ie I was able to hand her over to others fairly frequently!
Her observations were sweet and hilarious- just the other week she said 'when (ds) came home from the hospital his head smelled like bread rising' :)
She learned how to nurture and be patient, lots of valuable life lessons etc

Cons:
Um, she was extremely jealous of him and not particularly keen! (But then at around 18m something changed and now (he is nearly 2) they are best buddies)
She did act up a bit... But then she acted up before he was born too, so perhaps unconnected.

BTW I know people whose approx 3yo were not jealous at all, so maybe it was a personality thing.... But good to be prepared for the possibility.

My advice would be to make sure you ring fence time with your eldest so that they don't feel too left out.

2yrs and 9 months gap here. Works well for us.

Yes, they are in to different things but they still play nicely with each other most of the time. Ds loved "helping" look after dd when she was really little. His job was to get a clean nappy from the pile at nappy change time! Lovely days.

No personal experience but a friend has just under three years between her two and it seems to work well. She makes sure she does an activity Saturday mornings with the eldest only so he still has some special time with her.

Congratulations!

Thanks for the reassurance! Did you have any problems with jealousy when DC2 arrived? Any advice on how to deal with it if so? And were your older DCs using a buggy still?

my dd3 and ds (#4) are 35 months apart and the gap works well for them :) they bicker much less than dd1 &2 who are 2 years apart

no way of knowing if it's age gap or personality though

Another who thinks 3 yr gap is perfect! No jealousy to start with as DD saw DS as just a tiny helpless baby. Now he is 18 months and quite demanding DD occasionally gets frustrated but nothing major.
She was long out of a buggy when DS arrived.

As I said up-thread, we had some jealousy and I think the way to deal with it is to make time for elder child. Eg ring fence time to read bedtime story every night.

Make the most of early days when baby sleeps a lot to spend lots of time with older one, even if baby is in sling or whatever. We went to cafés for a drink, or did crafts. They were magic days, looking back (was fucking shattered at the time, mind you!)

Another tip I picked up from mumsnet was this: when baby starts stirring, if you are doing something with DC1, say to baby (who obv won't understand, but it's for benefit of DC1)- 'just wait a moment DC2, I'm busy with DC1 just now' or similar. That way DC1 isn't always the one being told to 'wait a minute' for their needs to be met.

Also, if they are really jealous, don't leave them in the room alone together. In our house there was, well, some squashing. Didn't do dc2 any harm, but best avoided....

Oh, and we did single buggy + buggy board but I wish we'd gone for double buggy. The buggy board did my back in- and trying to coax a tantrumming 3yo onto it at the shops was not my favorite!

whevs I have a feeling my DD might be the jealous type. She's always been a bit of a clingy type and I'm not sure how she'll feel about sharing! Was your first clingy too before DC2 arrived?
Good advice re. spending one on one time, hopefully that will help. And getting her helping out too, I think she'd like that.

2y7m here so take what you want/need from it!

DD was at nursery 2 days/week, settled, happy, becoming independent. She could entertain herself with books, crayons, puzzles etc, but was actually hugely interested in her baby brother and loved to fetch and carry (sadly, this has continued and now that he's 2.5, she thinks it's her job to take him to the loo when he needs it, rather than calling me. And she helps him up and down ladders, helps him get dressed... ) Sure, sometimes they vie for attention but I honestly don't see jealousy. If I ever try to break up their bickering/fighting, they both turn on me.

At 2.7 DD had been out of a buggy for a while, but we bought a double after a month as we just couldn't get to places fast enough for feeds, nappies, etc. We're in London though and try not to use the car. She was also putty-trained so we never had 2 in nappies, which makes things easier, I think.

Three and a half years age gap and really happy with it! DS adores his baby sister and has always been really gentle and loving with her. So far no issues with jealousy, hope it stays that way! Also my maternity leave coincides with him starting school, very convenient! One disadvantage is that DS is getting into lego age so have to constantly watch out for little pieces.
And behaviour wise he is much easier to handle than even at 3.

We have exactly 3 years between ours. They are now 8 and 11 and still get on really well.

I did have a double buggy for a while as although ds wasn't really using one much by then, he did occasionally if we went a long way. I thought he might want to get in if we had one for dd and wanted to avoid the jealousy. The double worked well for us and ds enjoyed being in it and chatting to dd about the journey and what was happening!

Um, potty-trained. Dunno about putty-trained.

We were so lucky, looking back. No problem with leaving them in a room together - in fact, I frequently left DD entertaining DS when I nipped into our (very very small) kitchen to prepare a meal or drink for her. I didn't have much choice, there was nowhere to put a baby. I think it does depend on personality. DD very much likes being the big sister.

3y 6m gap here. DS is only 5 months, but so far DD has been great with him. The only problem has been her over enthusiastic love!

Was fine - ds1 was 2 yrs 10 months when ds2 was born - he started nursery around 6 months later. He wasn't jealous or particularly interested in ds2 till he was mobile and could play - but ds2 adored him from day 1 - and ds1 liked making ds2 laugh. Invest in a good sling and keep no 1s routine as normal as possible is my advice

We didn't get jealousy. My husband was away a lot so my big one had been involved a lot in the pregnancy (had to come to all the scans/midwife appointments and I had a lot towards the end) and I was v.close to her. I did make sure we talked and played lots and lots. We also read a lot of "when baby comes" type books. Lots. And talked about what it would be like.

She got some "big sister presents" when she came into hospital to visit (didn't manage the home birth...) A big sister top, cbeebies magazine, little presents. And she still remembers being allowed to choose a cookie that morning on her way in with Daddy.

She adores her. Like a poster above she loves taking little one to the toilet - dressing her....even now!

I didn't use a double buggy.

We used a sling while my DS2 was small and then from about 6 months he used the buggy more often. It worked out well and I never once wished I had a double.

But my DS2 was the easiest baby in the world so that probably helped.

3 years and 2 months and two little girls! It's been perfect! No jealousy, the three year old was in a good routine when second born so I wasn't as knackered, and I didn't find it particularly difficult to manage the two of them at all.

Seems I'm the only one who experienced jealousy...oh well. That's another thing I've learned- try not to take it to heart when everyone else is delighting in how non-jealous and wonderfully parental their older child is to the new baby

My older child was never clingy, no. I would say spirited, fiery, fierce in her emotions and affections. She loves wildly, she rages intensely, she enjoys ecstatically... And has had the same approach to her brother!nShe has always loved DS fiercely, most of the squashing was through slightly aggressive love. But she was jealous, and felt displaced and cross with him. I can only say this now btw, didn't like to admit it before, I was so desperate for everything to be rosy.

But I can honestly say now (4.7 and 1.10) she and he are pals, they play together, they make each other crack up, they even have their own special greeting. They bicker and fight over toys (and me) sometimes- but on the whole, seeing them together is the biggest joy in my life.

So even if you do experience jealousy- push on through and remember it doesn't make your darling DC1 any less fabulous than all the non-jealous, non-eyelid-batting older siblings...

I have 3y 1m gap and it's been great, ds1 was old enough to understand what was happening and to be excited about a new baby. We shared lots of books about new babies/being a big brother and since the first time ds1 saw ds2 he's been devoted to him, ds2 is also devoted to ds1 (although they do squabble quite a bit now at 5.5 & 2.4). Ds1 still loves being helpful and looking after ds2 (even if now it usually also involves helping him to cause mischief )

Didn't have any problems with jealousy really, a few moments but nothing much at all, certainly nothing like some friends dc I know who have a 2yr gap. Ds1 was potty trained and mostly out of the buggy. For long trips I used to take a carrier (I had a manduca, would def recommend it) with me and then when ds1 got tired I would put ds2 in the carrier and ds1 would hop in the buggy.

Some great advice, thanks everyone. Will have a look out for some books and will think about the buggy thing nearer the time. I have quite a while to think about it all!
whevs my dd has always been the quirky one who won't be left with anyone but us/hates most things that every other happy go lucky toddler seems to love/really confident at home but really shy out. So if she is the jealous big sister type, I will take your advice and tough it out, knowing that it will come good in the end! It's one of the main reasons I wanted a 2nd, because I think it will (eventually!) be really good for her.
We'll see what happens but I'm feeling good about it all hearing so many positive views.