I knew this would be hard but.......

[prufrock]

I didn't expect being a SAHM to be quite this awful. I want to go back to work - and this is when I only have one to look after.
DD just won't leave me alone for a second, although she's being lovely and giving me lots of cuddles I'm just not sure I can cope with her need for constant attention when there is only me to give it.
I've already been in tears after a very stressful tripround Sainsburys where I didn't know where anything was and dd kept running off (I couldn't put her in a trolley cos I couldn't find anywhere to leave the buggy, and she couln't stay in teh buggy cos I couldn't carry the eight of the basket). Then she refused to put her coat back on, and we got caught in the rain on the way home and now she's just spilt water all over the carpet..............

Oh bless you. Have to say that I couldn't handle being a SAHM, all respect to those that are, but I HAVE to get out and come to work or I'd go insane. I'm sure it'll get better especially with summer round the corner.

The Strokes!! Thats just the sort of stuff....I like the sound of yer dh.

Also Ash which ds1 knows from Cbebbies anyhow. And Chemical Bros Star Guitar which they seem to love.

Only lasts 1-2 records mind you.

Big hugs prufrock. Remember your hormones and body are not quite functioning at their best, so don't be too hard on yourself. As everyone else has said toddlers & pregnancy combined is extremely hard work. If you have enough energy this evening, sit down and try and work out a plan of attack. Treat it like a job and organise it as such.
For goodness sake, don't go to the supermarket again unless you have to. If you can't get online deliveries, go in the evening.
Start inviting lots of people around with other small children, it will keep dd entertained and you will then get reciprocal invites back.
Organise small outings: library, toy shop, park etc etc for each day. Nothing like having a manageable agenda to keep the day on track.
I loathed being a sahm, so really sympathise but you can definitely make it easier for yourself.

I don't know Ash, and although I know some old stuff by the Chemical Brothers I don't know Star Guitar - would you recommend? (For me, as well as for DSs!)

sorry Pru, a bit off topic unless you too want to start blasting out your neighbours

"Treat it like a job and organise it as such."

Sounds horribly cynical, but Bugsy is right - I really do think this is the key to being a SAHM (well, it was the key for me!)

It sounds cold-hearted, but then I find treating it like this means it's the best damn job I ever had. Pay sucks, of course, but I love it

Prufrock, I can't comment from experience as I am a working mum, but was really struggling with coping with chores etc...until someone mentioned flylady (www.flylady.net) she helped me sort things out and get things into proportion. You could apply some of her routine ideas and also the zones thing might be very useful.

Give yourself a break, until baby comes..I'm sure it will get better

Cbeebies uses Ash as well as the Strokes so thats maybe why they like it.

Ash are quite grungy - do you know 'Girl from Mars'?

Sorry also to hijack yer thread Prufrock, but bit of bouncing around (as much as you can whilst pg) does help.

All the stuff about getting out at least once a day, getting pple round, really helps too.

just to address the buggy and basket shopping bit ('cos everyone else has come trumps with the rest!)

either,
a) leave the buggy at customer services

b) get a trolley,put DD in it and put folded up buggy in main part

c) balance basket on top of hood ( if you've got one, not very safe unless you've only got a few items.

I spent time both before and after giving birth get stressed with the kids and feeling very guilty. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Good luck with everything!

As everyone else says really. Agree with Coddy, as this is how I structure things. Online shopping is great, also bribery works a treat. I have today bribed my three year old with a lolly in return for good behaviour on a rare trip to M&S. It makes the day less stressful IMO and won't hurt as long as you only do it when needed. I have 22 months between mine and can say now that once the baby arrives things do get easier as you tend not to be bogged down with preggy hormones and weight and have a little more patience.

Lazyeye, I'm also very relieved to read your comments about wine. It's a regular thing in this household too, as is the music (current favourite being Hey Ya by Outkast).

prufrock, this SAHM thing - give it time. Some days will be good, some bad. Wait till the summer - afternoons in the park, taking your toddler and (hopefully easily transportable new baby) out for a day trip to a farm or even the beach - going midweek and avoiding the
crowds.

As my son grew into toddlerhood, one of my joys was seeing him experience new things and relating to the outside world. It balanced the annoying demanding irritating elements of being 2 years old - and these seemed much worse when we were in the house. So if it all gets too much, go out! and remember the more you are out, the less the house gets messed up, so going out cuts down on housework (sort of).

Do you have any alone time during the day? can you organise some nursery sessions for your duaghter,or an occasional day time babysitter or childminder, just to give you a break. It's not just the break itself that's a boost - it's the knowing that you have one coming up, so an endless day played to the tune of a 2 year old does not stretch out in your mind into endless weeks and months. It saves your sanity. I know you will soon have a baby, but even then a break to concentrate on the newborn while you oldest is amused by someone else would be such a tonic.

hope you have a better day tomorrow.

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Prufrock - much sympathy. Now working term-time and that is an adjustment as well. I think the difficult bit is that you think because you're off it is a holiday for you, but kids don't think that way, unfortunately. Would certainly look into a few nursery sessions per week. And don't feel too guilty about shouting sometimes, it's human.

You need a one 2 one personal consultation with life guru coddy - we went through my routine and menu planning one night and i'm a new woman

hi prufrock, sorry you have had a miserable day

i think there is excellent advice here already. i will only add that you are (1) having a new baby in 20 days (2) have just moved to a different area and (3) have given up work and become a SAHM. any one of these things would be difficult in itself but all three together must be stressful in the extreme. you've only been in bs a few days, right?

do give yourself a chance, and take heart from the reassurance here that things will be better and not worse once the baby is here.

btw - i have checked it out for you, and while i don't know your exact postcode, it seems that you are out of luck on ocado, but waitrose will deliver, and sainsburys to you does deliver in your area.

hope you are feeling better tomorrow, bkxxx.

Thank you all - I do feel much better this evening (although jsut got back from hospital and bile acids have shot up from 7 to 62 so am now paranod about losing the baby if he stops kicking for 5 minutes)
I am going to do internet shopping, and organise events for every day - it's just that these things are being added to a very long list of to-do's. It dosn't help that we moved house on Friday to a completely new area so I don't know anybody or anywhere, and am frankly a bit stranded here without a car (passing my test is another thing on the to-do list) and I'm still trying to organise the selling of our old flat (I know some of you are so I apologise in advance but I hate solicitors)
DD is in nursery Monday and Tuesday (hence why I didn't realise it was so difficult to be a SAHM until Wednesday )
I just have to keep on thinking that I will muddle through the next 3 weeks somehow. Then dh is at home for 2 weeks and after that I can go back to being my normal super-organised self. You'll all jsut have to put up with my rants until then.

Hi Prufrock, nice to hear from you again, hope the move went ok. Like bk says, you have had enough changes to make anyone stressed (even if they are GOOD changes) let alone being being almost natal. I'd say try not to let a bit of mess get to you, your health is the most important thing at the moment. Don't do more than you can comfortably manage and most of all, remember that this is a very temporary stage in your life. Basically you're a lady-in-waiting at the moment. So relax!

Hi Prufrock

Don't worry at all everyone has these days and thoughts and those that don't must (imho)be fibbing - I've had a reasonably awful day too and I took a days holdiay from work to look after ds (4) in the easter hols and dd (2). A friend came over with her gorgeous 6m dd. My two were in the back of her car scrapping as only brother and sister do - went to Pizza Express and they even argued over the crayons - then ds insisted on going to the loos on his own - they then ran off in the car park (nightmare)- I ended up telling ds that I'd wished I had gone to work instead - a really great parenting comment....

Hi Prufrock, when I first read you post I instantly thought " it's not that hard, just chill out abit" But then I read on and saw that you're expecting No.2 in a matter of days and thought " Oh god, that is a nightmare and SUCH hard work"

Once you'r new arrival is here it really does get easier, ok you wil be tired but IMO it's the lack of mobility in the late stages of pregnancy that make EVERYTHING seem to work against you. Shopping, housework, children, sleeping, sitting, eating, getting dressed/undressed ....the list goes on an on and all get more difficult as the weeks tick by. By the time I was at your stage I couldn't move without growning with aches pains and annoyances(sp?).
These might make you feel abit better.......When I was PG with DS3 it took me almost 3 DAYS, yes I did mean to write DAYS, to paint my toe nails for a wedding we went to as I just couldn't get to them comfortably, and DH doing was out of the question. And 2-3 days after having DS2 I was in the shower shaving my legs and was sooooo excited that I could bend forward to reach properly (chest in thigh, with foot on bath edge.) that I shouted out for DH to come and see. He came hurtling into the bathroom thinking I'd haemorraged or something.

It will get easier, it's almost certainly those PG hormones doing their thing.

Oh....one last thing, Coddy has it right with a routine. Even a little one will work wonders.

I hate online shopping, so for those who feel the same....I solve the shopping basket+buggy problem by bringing a fold-up buggy, folding it up and putting it in the shopping trolley!

Prufrock, just wanted to send you some sympathy, I know those crappy days. Can you buy some help? Call an agency and get a mothers help for a couple of weeks? Lots of good advice here so I won't add to it but just wanted to say it's understandable you feel this way.

Have to agree with everyone else - it is a lot easier when the baby is here - I was the grumpiest Mum in the world towards the end of pregnancy and in fact couldn't cope to the extent that I upped my childminder hours as I was dropping!

Our saviour is 'Peace and Quiet Time' In the morning, I get the paper delivered, and I have 15 mins to flick through it (can't read the entire Guardian in 15 mins!!) - the 2 oldest know not to disturb me during this time, they go and play! In the afternoon when Ds is sleeping (an usually dd2 as well) then dd1 gets to watch a video of her choosing - she likes things that ds doesn't - she's into watching long things whereas he likes Bob and Maisy - short enough for his attention. That's usually my MN time, or I do some tidying or sorting out clothes (clothes seem to have taken over our house), or sometimes even go for a little lie down as I know everyone is safe. Everything is Peaceful and Quiet!!

It also gets easier as they get older. Dd is 4 now and goes to nursery inthe morning which makes it easier, and also when she is at home she can amuse herself for longer periods, playing dollies or doing jigsaws mainly, or doing her Pingu CD ROM! She also amuses ds for quite a long time - he likes to join in her games.

All the best, and hope baby arrives sooner rather than later!

And for all of you who have internet shopping - boo hiss they wont deliver here!!

I think this website is rather biased. Sorry you aren't happy; I was you a year ago, packed DD off to nursery for maximum allowable time, hang the cost, and then felt guilty for being Bad Mother. I didn't find it got 100% better with babe arrived, but it was certainly at least 50% better; I was thrilled to sit on the floor and play with toy cars, and know I could get up again! I endured 7 months mat leave on condition that dd stayed at fulltime nursery. Dreaded days she couldn't go and had 2 all day, but going out to local playgroups helped and now are best memories of that time (though couldn't really make friends as no time to talk and nothing in common). I never dare to SHOP with them even now; all our clothes are worn out or too small, and all our food is online. Only recently have I at last enjoyed a day alone with them (age 1 and 3.5) I feel guilty sometimes that I personally MUST do paid work, mentally and for the longer term, financially. Since my daughters will too unless they marry a millionaire, I like to think its a good example for them anyway. In other words, if you want to go back to work, why shouldn't you? Make some plans to do so, reversible in case you change your mind, and maybe it will give you a lift. Probably you won't hear much on this site from happy working families, because they are too busy at work! Good luck!!!

Don't know if that's fair to say MN is that biased... many mums here working full time and I even started a rather heated thread (most of the heat coming from the full time workers) asking why do some moms work full time if it wasn't strictly financially necessary -- and even though I 'only' work part-time, my reasons are the same as for many of those heated moms, sometimes it makes us into better & saner moms to have the space.

DH was my part-time childminder for over a year, thankfully he knows that a day's grind in the office is a piece of piss compared to being a parent all day! I used to finish work refreshed and happy to take over from DH who was a ratty grump from looking after preschoolers all day... and of course, he certainly didn't have to be pregnant and looking after the kids at the same time, which I now am, so I know how tough that is, too.

Majorstress, I don't think you're being entirely fair. I'm one of those women who proclaims loudly that she would HATE to be a SAHM (and incidentally I dreaded both my maternity leaves and couldn't wait to get back to work after the first one). Several others have said so on this very thread. I think we were just trying to find some solutions for this particular Mumsnetter at this particular time. After all, Prufrock would be facing maternity leave even if she planned to return to her job.

You know prufrock, there is nothing wrong with feeling that way. I have found being a SAHM the hardest work I have EVER done (and I have had some crap jobs!) Then again I was never defined by my work, in that I didn't have a career or career plan. I am enjoying now, at home with the boys, I am spending time considering what I can do next, that will fulfil me as well as allow me to keep my family life first (which is important to me as that is what makes me the happiest.)

Having said that I know it drives some people mad and it is finding a happy medium, obviously your DD is the priority here but if you are happy she is happy. If she sees you all stressy it would be upsetting.

Remember to have some you time. Without sounding all hippy trippy, if you can spend some time alone doing something you enjoy. To give you an example, I leave ds twins with DH and go into town for a couple of hours, or go for a browse at the library, to the leisure centre, to a friends house. Or if there isn't much time I just take the pup for a long walk. Having a break is vital and when DH has been on a difficult shift pattern where his days off are messed up I feel it worse as I get no break.

Sorry, this is a bit rambling but with your baby about due you need just some chill time.