I knew this would be hard but.......

[prufrock]

I didn't expect being a SAHM to be quite this awful. I want to go back to work - and this is when I only have one to look after.
DD just won't leave me alone for a second, although she's being lovely and giving me lots of cuddles I'm just not sure I can cope with her need for constant attention when there is only me to give it.
I've already been in tears after a very stressful tripround Sainsburys where I didn't know where anything was and dd kept running off (I couldn't put her in a trolley cos I couldn't find anywhere to leave the buggy, and she couln't stay in teh buggy cos I couldn't carry the eight of the basket). Then she refused to put her coat back on, and we got caught in the rain on the way home and now she's just spilt water all over the carpet..............

Online supermarket shopping? I do it all the time even though I have time to go to the supermarket myself. Save oodles of money by resisting impulse buys.

It is difficult when you are their main source of attention/entertainment, but it won't last forever. There will come a time when you wish they wanted you more as they go zooming off quite merrily without a backwards glance.

Not sure going back to work is the answer. Think of the stress of finding childcare, the cost, leaving your child in the care of someone else and missing out on all the "firsts". Sorry if this is painful for those of you who do work.

Not sure what else to suggest. But it doesn't last forever.

sounds horribly familiar - remember that a SAHM is a full time job, and very hard work. I have solved the Sainsburys issue, with doing it all on line now- would this be an option for you??? I sometimes go into the garden and leave my 2 inside, and just have a minute to count to 100, and breath deeply, and it does really work. SO does a glass of wine........
I also drink more than I used to!!!!!!!

prufrock, have to say there is NO WAY I would be a SAHM.....I can cope with a couple of days a week, but not all day every day...
I should also say that there is no way I would do the supermarket shop with ds1 (28 months). We do the shopping at the weekend or the evenings when someone else can look after him. The days I am with him I jsut concentrate on that and don't do anything else - no cleaning, no shopping.
But you will find strategies for all these things given time.

islandgirl, you've reminded me of a friend who said on bad days with her two she would sometimes just bundle them both into the bath at 4pm and pour herself a glass of wine.... (she's not a SAHM eother!)

YOu need a routine P

tell me age of dd (only one child? no baby?)
and we will sort you out

I know I need a routine - I just can't cope with trying to work one out.
DD is 23 months. DS will be here in 20 days. I know I can do this - I've been looking forward to it for ages, I'm just really dissapointed in myself that I'm not enjoying being with dd when she's so lovely (I cried when she spilt the water and she came to cuddle me) and that I seem to have such a short fuse - I've shoutedtwice today already and I don't want to be the kind of mother who shouts.

And I would love a glass of wine, but seeing as my liver has decided not to work during my pregnancy I don't think it would be a great idea.

Ok tell us the proposed routine

I would start off with you going to bed earlier. Get up have milk/ b fast. (you cna feed babay when this happens)

get yourselves dressed straight afterwards and then put dd in front of tv and tell her Mummy need to tidy up

Send her back to tv if she comes to pester you. You need to get the house sorted to relaz

THEN you go out somehwere.

More ?

Aw, sorry you're having such a rough time of it, prufrock

Agree that a routine might help (not a rigid one, just a gameplan for yourself to keep you sane).

Don't know whether this helps, but we try:

• making sure we're out for either the morning or afternoon (this might be ds' nursery, tumbletots, trip to the park, visiting a friend (or having a friend over), a trip to the library, etc). This leaves only a morning or afternoon to survive rather than the whole day!
• I intersperse about half hour slots of concentrated attention on ds (playing or reading or chatting or whatever) with fifteen minutes of "chore" stuff. Clearing away, washing up, hoovering... I don't ignore ds at this point - he's welcome to come and "help" and I still chat to him, but the focus is off him as the important one during that time. In fact, most times now he's happy to go away and play on his own rather than watch mummy clean the surfaces in the kitchen . Sounds silly, but breaking the day into short segments like this really does help the day go quicker and I then find I enjoy spending the half hour concentrated slots with ds more.
• TV. Especially as we're pregnant! You can get back into good habits later! Giving yourself a half hour/hour slot of peace and quiet to veg at lunchtime with the aid of Cbeebies is a sanity saver, especially with the weather at the moment.

Hope this helps and that you can get to enjoy some of your time off soon

Oh and put out wasshing and get food out of freezer for tea

we need BR

I sorted out a routine for her

prufrock - being heavily pregnant with a young toddler is really really hard, much ahrder (IMO) than having a baby and a toddler (well, most of the time it is and once you have got beyond the initial few days of constant feeds). I have had my second last Nov while my DD1 was 2 and a half and the last couple of months were really tough, I do sympathise. I wondered how on earth I was going to cope, let alone enjoy it! Truth is, it does get easier really quickly. Many people find it less stressful the second time round and quicker to settle them into a routine.
If I were you, give yourself a break and let a lot of unnecessary things slide - ironing, tidying etc. can all wait/be done when you are feeling up to it. Don?t try to be superwoman, now is the time to allow a bit of extra video time, quiet jigsaws etc. rather than energetic trips to the park and messy activities that take time. Internet shopping is a good idea as already suggested - or how about getting your partner to take DD out food shopping early evening just before bed - time to yourself, wear her out a bit and gentle reminder to your partner about how hard work it is loooking after a toddler and you need more help now and again! Have you any friends/neighbours who can help out with looking after your toddler and give yourself a few hours break now and again?
Don?t worry about work right now - wait until you have got your new baby and settled down a bit. Life is too upside down to be making loads of plans about that now. I wouldn?t be surprised if you are just craving "me" time in a calm adult environment rather than specifically back to work!! How about a night out with the girls?
Have a nice soak in the tub with someone else looking after DD and make some positive plans to give yourself a bit of fun and relaxation for you and the baby.

Hello prufrock, my DD is 23 months too and I just thought I'd pass on a couple of activities that she gets totally absorbed in at the moment - it might give you a bit of time to yourself. (know these interests don't last long)
*she'll occupy herself for 30 mins with some plastic plates and coloured pegs.
*she'll do about 20 mins with different pasta shapes and pots.
*20 mins with a couple of my old handbags and an old perfume bottle and empty compact.
*she's really into simple 4 piece jigsaws although I get called in to help more with these.
All the very best when number 2 arrives - please don't beat yourself up over bad mumminess I'm sure you're fab x

I can not stress how important it is to have at least one glass of wine sometime between 4-6pm when kids are at their whingest and maddest. I had one every night before I was pg and now I'm nearly 30 weeks I'm starting again cos I really feel I need it.....it takes the edge off it.

Its bloody hard, work is far, far easier.

prufrock - just a thought. I know you're not particularly happy with drinking wine at the moment, but how about subbing a glass of wine for a big slab of chocolate every night Chocolate is good for you AND the baby... scientists have said so, so it must be okay

hugs

no wonder you are so tearfull with only 20 days to go. It is really hard when pregnant with one (mine are 20 months apart), because you are so big and tired and unable to do so much.. It is easier with toddler and baby, and routines will come in time. One thing I have always done is go out in the morning for a walk, shopping, toddler group, etc, and always end the day with their bath. This was difficult when ds2 came along for a while, but we were soon ok. Neither of them will watch more than 20 mins of tv though, so housework is way down the list!

Prufrock - I have to echo what islandgirl just said. I've got a 3yr old and an 18mnth old (and am pg again). The last few wks of pgncy with ds2 were very hard...just doing normal stuff and I was dreading the arrival of the 2nd cos I didn't know how I would cope but I have to say - it wasn't as bad as I thought and certainly easier than being pg with toddler.

(((hugs)))

I was absolutely vile to dd1 at your stage of pregnancy. It WILL get better. This is why God invented CBeebies.

(((more hugs)))

Definitely get internet shopping going - I never ever take DS to supermarket for a big shop, only little shops where I can keep him in the buggy. Plan an outing once a day - even if it is just to the library for DD to rearrange books. Ignore water spillage and use non-spill cups for everything else. Find helpful friend/relative to take DD for a few hours to let you rest or put DD in playgroup/nursery one morning a week. Buy lots of new books and sit on couch reading - DS is not very good at independent play but I don't mind reading lots of books. Fill up the sink with bubbles and plastic cups and let DD play washing up...

Alternatively do what I do and turn TV on. I am in throes of early pregnancy and DS has already watched an incredible amount of TV. I am seriously considering getting Freeview just for Cbeebies as I can see it being absolute necessity later on!

Florence - do it NOW.

Prufrock - I have a friend/neighbour who had her second in January and by the time the baby was 2 days old (admittedly she is an angel child) she was saying how much easier it was than when she was pregnant. And she is still maintaining that. When the baby was two weeks old, her DH finished his job, went away on a training course for two weeks and then started his own business - but apparently all this was less stressful/hard work than being heavily pregnant with a toddler.

Think you just have to get through the next three weeks really. What about reins for DD in the supermarket? Might also be useful for after the baby is born. If baby is in pram and DD makes a run for it, its easier to grab the reins.

hi Prufrock - I'd echo what Codswallop said - and get a non-rigid rountine, one that will define the day.
Would also echo that glass of wine when kids at whingiest in early evening - or chocolate in your case!!

not before 7pm

Why not before 7pm? I need it at their teatime...like btwn 5.30 n' 6.30 or will batter them with Tweenies dolls.

I also find if I put some music on that I like...usually quite dancy stuff and quite loud and make them dance a bit madly, it releases a bit of tension on both sides.

So its wine and loud music round ours at tea-time if anyone fancies it.

not before 8pm in our house!

Lazyeye - DH (SAHD) plays loud music to the DSs after teatime - I usually come home to find them all strutting their funky stuff to "Take it or leave it" by The Strokes!