why be so rude?????????????

[supermum1015]

Im 20yrs old with 2 children! a 2yr old boy and a 10wk old girl.
I hate it when i take them out by myself and people stare or say nasty comments (as if im deaf).
People shouldnt judge a book by its cover!!!
I may be young but i have a partner, a job, my OWN house and i bring up my children well! I have never left my children with a babysitter to go out as i rarely go out!When i do my partner or his mum has them! It really annoys me!!!
The other day an old man stared at me on the train station and once on the train he said to another passenger "isnt it sad! obviously her parents didnt care. u can see how her kids will grow up!" i mean my son is polite and well behaved (when out lol).
I think people should ask my situation before judging wether its right or wrong for me to have two kids! or just mind their own damn buisness!!!!!
Well im glad i got that off my chest anyway!!! lol feel a lot better now xx

I was 21 with a 2.5 year old when I had ds2. I was married, studying, my husband worked full time and we lived in a rented house but I still got the comments - they are just ignorant, best to ignore them! I find old people are the worst!

I always think this is weird, as my mother had 2 children by the time she was 22. It was perfectly normal, and also, expected... But now it's often HER generation making these sweeping generalisations.

Listen, you can't win. You have your children "older" and you spend half your life listening to these self same people making comments about whether you are too selfish to want children, when are you "going to get around to it" (like it's on a to-do list).

Don't sweat it - and know you can come here and get it off your chest anytime you like!

i just needed to scream but the baby is asleep so i "shouted" on here instead lol

I think people should mind there own business and keep their unpleasant prejudices to thjemselves, whatever they are! Young Mums get it, older Mums get it.

Thats awful. I had my first in my teens and had 5 by 25. I was judged far more with the first 2 when i was your age, it sucks. Just ignore them, they are probably jealous of your youth! We know we are good parents, age is just a number.

Hi,

Just wanted to add. I am 29 with DS 10 DD1 8 and DD2 9 weeks. When I was 23, I went back to a school reunion. One of my old teachers there came over to my friend and congratulated her on passing her PGCE, then turned to me and said "and you, mother of 2." like I hadn't achieved anything. It really annoyed me as not only did I own my own home, work full time and earn more money than her, my children were, and still are beautifully behaved and well mannered.

Thanks for reading!!!!

It is annoying isn't it! I'm 22 and have an 8 yr old. OH (who's 24) says that quite a lot of people that he knows thought we were older than we actually are, which is ok but I'm sure a lot of people don't as several ppl at work thought I was 18

It'd be interesting to know whether nannies get any trouble like that as quite a lot of them possibly look after children that are a bit old to be their own IYSWIM.

I dont remember getting any nasty comments when i had ds, i was only 16.

People did used to ask if i liked looking after my little brother though! At the time it annoyed me as i was proud he was mine.

Now im 30 i like it when his new friends come round and say, i didnt know you had an older sister!!

Sorry, should add, im still proud!

It is horrible to be judged like that. Too many people have the Daily Mail mentality about 'Young Single Mothers'and are probably of the opinion that you should be pitied, scorned or put straight since you are a strain on the taxes.
You are young - so what it doesn't make you a bad mother. You have youth on your side and the energy to make your kids life great. Your kids will thank you for it, and just think, when you are in your 40's they will be grown up and you can be free to party as hard as you please, if you want to.
I, on the other hand had my first at 38, and am pregnant with my second child at 43. I wouldn't change my life, but would love to have the energy I had in my 20s.

That's awful, supermum1015. Do you ever feel tempted to turn to these people, preen and recommend an entirely fictitious beauty regime that's taken ten years off you? They could then waste their time trying to find it instead of passing nasty comments about other people.

good one hallgerda

i had my kids very young too, and used to get old people tutting at me and being horrible. i used to want to shout "I AM A DECENT MOTHER, MY PARTNER HASNT LEFT ME- HE WORKS HARD AND WE DONT CLAIM BENEFITS, I HAVE GOT A DEGREE!!" etc etc
Why does it always seem to be old people??
Also when 9mths pregnant with my first child, i had terrible morning sickness in the middle of the city centre...throwing up all over the pavement in 90 degree heat/nearly fainting..NOT ONE PERSON ASKED IF I WAS OK..just got filthy looks, and everyone staring...
it was obvious i was hugely pregnant, not a bloody drunk!!
just keep going as you are and keep your head up!!

I sympathise so much with the OP! I thought it was just me because when I tell my 'mummy' friends (who are mostly in their early 30's) about the sorts of comments I've had they clearly don't believe me but it's clear I'm not alone!

I thought when I had DS at 23 that I was quite young but 'old enough' - I was married, working, had my degree etc - why are people SO rude and judgemental?! I just wanted to have my children when my body was still right for it and not get to 36/37 and worry anout infertility and regretting not trying while I was young - I'm also looking forward to being in my early forties when my children are old enough to leave home and (hopefully) being a young grandma - unlike some peope who sadly may never meet their grandchildren. Not trying to say having children young is 'better', just that it has rewards too!

when i had my son at 23 i got loads of comments (mostly from other women i worked with) like how can you have a child so young? i got loads of people telling me i was making a mistake. it didn't really bother me at the time, but thinking back i wish i'd have been more outspoken to them.

hi
i have had the same problem i am 25 and have a 5 year old and a 1 year old
and when i go out i get the stares and the comments, i do look quite young and when i tell people i have a five year old they arelike you don;t look old enough and all that
and then you get the comments like living off the state their taxes paying for you to live
i am married own my own house even when i didn;t i wasn't entitled to anything and i work part time in a job i am over qualified for so i don't have to leave my kids with chilminders, we never get to go out together because only my mum can watch the kids cos they won;t sleep for anyone else

it makes me really angry so what if you are young it doesn;t mean you are any less able to look after children

it is quite upsetting it makes me feel less confident to do things at the school as i can see the older mums giving me dirty looks, i feel like shouting I AM TWENTY FIVE NOT FIFTEEN!!

someone actually stopped me a tube station when i was pg and said 'i'm sorry you're pregnant'

southeastastra - !

What #I hate the most is people saying 'older mums make better, more patient mums' - It's just untrue! grrrr.

a generation ago, it was the norm for mums to be in their early twenties. No one battered an eyelid (unless you were unmarried).

i am not a quiet person and most of the time i will speak up but im just getting so bloody tired of it!
theres an old lady in my street and when i moved in she took an instant dislike to me. she stopped talking to my partner too! i was on the door with my son one day and she said to me 'you must find it so hard being so young and having a child?' i replied with 'you must find it so hard walking up hills and being old!' she wasnt impressed i must say. i mean because im 20 id find it harder than someone thats 40? i dont think so!!!!!
i used to have a group of 'friends' that didnt agree with me having my second child.
they said i would have no 'life'. well they were wrong! while they are out taking drugs and being used by some guys im having a nice family meal with people that love me and that is all that matters!
everyone could be a good parent they just have to want to!

Supermum, I think you're talking SO much sense! You're putting it clearer than I ever can.

I was 23, not quite 24 when i had my dd - so not very very young, but not the age most of the people I seem to meet have their first babies. The thing is people seemed to delight in telling me i looked much younger, so i now have a bit of a chip on my shoulder when I am out and and about with my 3 year old. I constantly think they're judging me....

It just makes me angry that people, and yes they often, sadly, seem to be the older generation, feel they have the right the judge, tut and comment, when more than likely they were pretty darn young when they had children and had possibly not had the life experience of univeristy, work, living away from home before getting married that we have all had the opportunity and priviledge to expereice. (very very long sentence there ).

Also, while i'm on the subject, it riles me when older people tut and complain when toddlers are being noisy, either through bad behaviour or just through being excitable toddlers. Fgs we can't lock them up.... We probably have more chances to take our families out and about now, I gather that a lot of older people i speak to never had the variety of toddler activities, coffee shops, general shopping trips etc etc that we have. But surely that is something to be positive about.

Not making sense now. SO i'll be quiet.

great post though!

i was 18 and had 2 kids

tell them to either wind their necks in
or take a picture
cranks

yeah i always want to say " take a polaroid, it lasts longer.." when they stare..