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why be so rude?????????????

51 replies

supermum1015 · 24/09/2006 13:55

Im 20yrs old with 2 children! a 2yr old boy and a 10wk old girl.
I hate it when i take them out by myself and people stare or say nasty comments (as if im deaf).
People shouldnt judge a book by its cover!!!
I may be young but i have a partner, a job, my OWN house and i bring up my children well! I have never left my children with a babysitter to go out as i rarely go out!When i do my partner or his mum has them! It really annoys me!!!
The other day an old man stared at me on the train station and once on the train he said to another passenger "isnt it sad! obviously her parents didnt care. u can see how her kids will grow up!" i mean my son is polite and well behaved (when out lol).
I think people should ask my situation before judging wether its right or wrong for me to have two kids! or just mind their own damn buisness!!!!!
Well im glad i got that off my chest anyway!!! lol feel a lot better now xx

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supermum1015 · 25/09/2006 12:04

thanx for all the replys! nice to know that other people notice ignorance!

OP posts:
hollys1mum · 25/09/2006 15:07

omg, was only thinking about this ysterday, when another article pops up, young mums are this or that.

now, i had my beautiful daughter at nearly 20, she is 2 and a half now. admittedly, i do look young for my age, and i have noticed the judgement from day 1. the midwfe insisted on me attending classes for 'the younger mum' to learn how to do the basics. i protested this was not neccessary, i am the oldest of 7 and have changed a nappy or 2! when holly was born, the midwife was pushing me to breastfeed, i was adament i did not want to, she felt the need to prod my nipple (!!!) and say they were lovely for suckling, go on, give it a go. off she went muttering about how 'us young-uns think its all this and that!'
my partner and i have ben together for 5 years, yet when the lady came round to tell us about registering the birth, she says 'if you have his name on the birth certificate, he HAS tio pay maintenance'. i cannot help but think this would not have happned to an 'older' mum!
I cannot go shopping without being followed by the store detectives, oh look a young mum, can't posssibly have money to spend must be stealing stuff to sell for drugs! ok, maybe not that extreme but it really annoys me! my partner works very hard, therefore i spend very hard!we have a lovely house, receive no benefits, pay all our bills and holly is spoilt rotten. No, i do not work, i do not have too (thats a whole other rant about snobby mums assuming im a 'state sponger' because i too can take my child to the prk all day every day).

sometimes it just feels like you can't win!

Blondilocks · 25/09/2006 18:51

I must admit that there are lots of lovely older people who don't act in this way (luckily most of the older people in my village are like this) so it's a shame that a minority spoil things for the rest. The trouble is that tv & stuff seem to portray young mums as mainly being those that claim benefits, then spend the money on fags & drink :S

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flack · 26/09/2006 07:24

I'm jealous of young mothers.

If my kids wait until their mid-30s to have their own kids I'll be a feeble old lady for my grandchildren; would be so much better to be a young granny.

LemonTart · 26/09/2006 07:52

I had mine in my late twenties, early thirties. I must admit that I have said on occasion that I am so relieved I had them later on as it is hard enough emotionally and financially now, I can?t imagine coping when I was even more selfish and young and even more naive. However, reading this thread has made me realise that my view on younger mums is based on my own slow rate of growth as a person and that many of you out there do far more than "cope well considering their age" and are intelligent, capable, wonderful mums.
I know it is obvious and hardly news what you are saying, but sometimes you don?t realise how ingrained your own prejudices are until you read something like this and step back to be really honest with yourself. I admit that I have felt a fleeting pang of rather patronising " oh, that poor young girl, she should be out enjoying life with her friends.." type emotion when I see a teenage mum pushing a pram.
Of course, I would and have never ever ever said anything as I like to think I am not that rude and insensitive but maybe a little more judgemental than I aught to be. Sorry.

supermum1015 · 26/09/2006 09:07

lemon tart it is nice of u to be honest and if ive managed to show u that not all young mums are the same then im happy!
it doesnt relly help when programmes on tv portray young mums really badly! they always film a young mum thats single living in a council house on benifits!why?

OP posts:
tinkerbellie · 26/09/2006 19:40

hollie1mum (i think that's right!)i had the same experience in the hospital with my ds i was twenty and the midwifes treated me like i was ten aftera very long and hard labour they woke me in the middle of the night to ask if i wanted to be shown how to change a nappy ( i said thanks i alteady know)
and then i had the breastfeedng thing too i went home and decided to stop and got a roght lecture for it and she pointedly asked me where the father was (i said he's at work) things like thatreally spoiled the newborn experience
also when you are out with your mother and people look at you and then ask her things about the baby is also not nice

oh well at least because a lot of mums are younger now maybe their kids wonlt have to experience this!!

hollys1mum · 27/09/2006 12:20

I am a young mum through choice, and i must admit when i look at a mum of 40+ pushing a newborn i feel for the child. how is their mummy going to be able to run around the park with them? they may possibly have better financial security, but having a baby at that age must more or less put an end to their career, whereas i feel my life can start when i'm 30. yes i go out every weekend and have a healthy social life but this does not make me less of a mum in any way. So perhaps i am slightly predujice towards old mummys! :O

dmo · 27/09/2006 13:12

my friend has just had her 40th birthday she has a 3 yr old dd and is on her own, she didnt go out cause she couldnt get a babysitter
i on the other hand am 30 and my ds's are 9 and 10 and on my 40th ww will all go out and have a beer together my dh can come too

suejoneziscalmernow · 27/09/2006 13:19

lol hollys1mum, exactly how decrepit do you think women of 40+ are?! I had more energy when I was 20 than when I was 40 but if I'm honest I was far lazier (though I might not have been if I'd had little ones then)

PinkTulips · 27/09/2006 13:27

lol dmo, that how dp and i feel about it too, we love the thought of having grown kids when we're still young enough to travel and enjoy life and i think (hope!) that i'll be able to relate better to my kids as teenagers than a much older parent.

i'm lucky that i've never had comments but i do get 'the look' a fair bit from snotty older moms, but f*#k em. i raise my kids better than anyone i know, i bf, feed organic, use cotton nappies, am quite strict on dicipline. who are they to judge when their kids are the ones pulling all the packets off the supermarket shelf and throwing tantrums in crowded shops!

lemonaid · 27/09/2006 13:31

Think this shows we can all make assumptions about people in different circumstances from our own. E.g. that you can't run in your 40s(!) or that you are feckless and irresponsible in your 20s(!). Mind you, by omission mothers in their 30s must clearly be perfect in every way ...

(Did no one break the news to you, Sue, that having Junior must put an end to your career ?)

buktus · 27/09/2006 13:35

get this all the time 'those looks', i am 25 but look quite a lot younger so i am told, i have three under 5 just and i am married, own my own home, never leave my kids with anyone and it really annoys me too

sallystrawberry · 27/09/2006 13:35

This reply has been deleted

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lulabelle · 27/09/2006 14:07

This reply has been deleted

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suejoneziscalmernow · 27/09/2006 14:23

oh sallystrawberry

(just a little wander down memory lane for you there)

theUrbanDryad · 27/09/2006 18:11

at some of the posts on here! i'm 6 months pg with my first and i'm 24 although i've been told i look about 19! i love looking younger, don't get me wrong, but i have had some really nasty comments and looks from people. one old lady in particular on the bus I GAVE MY SEAT UP FOR HER the miserable old cow and she said, "it must be so hard being pregnant so young"!!! WTF???? i was so angry i couldn't speak, nor could i think up a witty retort unfortunately, so i just stood there while she sat in MY seat that i had given up for her!!!

why are old people so funking rude huh?

[calms herself visibly] anyway, the reason i was posting, actually, was because my mum was 45 when she had me, and i think it affected my upbringing because she had some very old-fashioned views. i'm not saying they contributed to me being a tearaway as a teenager, but i don't think it helped. also, teachers at new schools would always assume she was my grandmother!! i think being a younger mum ROCKS and that old people are just bitter and twisted and they should get funked, if they can't think of anything nice to say then they shouldn't say anything at all.

misdee · 27/09/2006 18:15

i love my old ladies round here. they adore my dd's.

one old lady did make me cry when i was under stress. dd2 was having a strop over wanting some crisps, i'd said no and was sticking to it. dd2 was ignoring the tantrum. i noticed the old lady was looking over and tutting. as she walked past me on the way out she tutted really loudly. i burst into tears at the counter, the lady in boots was shocked at the old ladies rudeness.

theUrbanDryad · 27/09/2006 18:18

oh, yes, the tut. the ULTIMATE expression of disapproval! unfortunately, my mum is like that. she'll actually say things like some of you have been saying on here, like "well, you can see how those kids are going to turn out". my dad also uses the word "yob" without irony. but then, they read the daily mail...so what can you expect?

(not that i'm saying ALL daily mail readers are like that....oh gawd!)

Pruni · 27/09/2006 18:26

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beckybrastraps · 27/09/2006 18:31

God. I ONLY saw young mothers at my ante natal classes. I felt ancient.

The ages ranged from 15 to 22. And then me. 30.

PinkTulips · 27/09/2006 20:23

i was the baby at my ante natal classes both times. first time it mad me really uncomfortable and the didn't talk to me at all. 2nd time i'd grown a backbone and talked to people whether they liked it or not, snotty cows!

dmo · 27/09/2006 20:38

i had my boys when i was 20-21 (14 mths apart)
got the odd looks as i look young for my age.

i am now 30 and went to shop the other day to buy dh some cigs and they wouldnt serve me said i had to bring id in (dont know weather to feel or

so i must get looks now walking round with my 2 sons aged 9 and 10

Pollux · 27/09/2006 23:37

i was 22 when I had my ds(now 16 months)and now, at 23 I have a 5 month old dd as well. I've never had any comments from anyone about being young.

I must look like a right old hag!

SparklyGothKat · 28/09/2006 00:16

I had DS a month before my 19th birthday. I had dd1 at 21 and dd2 at 22. I am now 27, but look younger (I get asked for id in tescos still lol) anyway, DS and DD1 both have SN. The other day we were in QS and DD1 started to play up. I told her to stop repeatly. After about 1 minute I grabbed the squeaky toy she was playing with and sternly told her 'NO' An old man turned round and said 'about time too' I ignored him.
Another time Misdee's DH was pushing my DS (when he was a baby) around ASDA and he overheard 2 old ladies saying how teenage parents are terrible and all that jazz. He turned round and said 'Actually, He isn;t mine, yes his parents are young but they are married and both work to provide for their son' and walked off. I PMSL when he told me...