Do you ever get those days where you feel like you are a terrible, terrible mother?

[emkana]

I'm having one of those.
I think I lack patience, I expect too much of them sometimes, I don't play with them enough, I'm too uptight...
and all this not just since ds, but generally. Feeling all down about it and wishing I could turn back the clock and start again.

Every single day hun, every single day.

and to add to your list emkana..

You're too....hard on yourself!!

I think ALL mums think they are too hard on their children one time or another.

Yes, all the time, shit myself, get consumed with guilt, do more, knacker myself with doing more, fall down because i'm trying too hard, shit myself, get consumed with guilt........... and so on and so on

Emkana - you could be writing that thread for me, think as long as we try our best thats all we can do.

Oh god I feel like that LOADS. I think I try too hard to be this 'perfect mother' - I expect too much from them and from myself. Any failing that I have - short temper, raised voice, doing the dishes instead of playing with them, I interpret as me being a shite mother, when in actual fact this is all normal.
I very rarely shout/let them see i've lost my temper, but when I do, I feel like I've really let them and me down. I beat myself up on a daily basis about my perceived failings as a mother, and constantly compare myself with others.
I was thining about this the other day and I'm sure that I (or we) stress out because we care/think about/research possibly too much into 'what is best'. I think we are victims of too much information. Its very easy to be confident about parenting when you don't have information about alternatives. We grind outselves into the ground trying to be perfect at everything. Nobody can be, and by setting perfection as the standard, we're always doomed to failure aren't we? I've started trying to bea bit more realistic about what I can do and be. Not sure if it's working and I could be talking a load of cack here, but it's worth a try.
I also find that a little time away from the little darlings also helps when I'm feeling like this

oh YES I do.

And me. Especially when DS screams for my attention when I'm trying to have my one sane talk to an adult about how stressed I am am I end up shouting at him to be quiet. I feel so dreadful that I pick him up for a cuddle and then feel even worse with guilt all day.

Hi, i'm a new pants mum on the block, i cant even stay awake in the day to shout at my son

The fact you worry about this shows you care to much to be a terrible mother - It is impossible to be endlessly patient with a child, and toddlers crave so much attn that if you gave them 100% they just want 110%! I spent yesterday afternoon snuggled on sofa with toddler and baby watching dvd boxset of Spaced - if that doesn't make me a terrible mum I don't know what does.. esp as I had forgotten how much swearing there is in it!

I have started my own thread on how crap I am - all mums spend far too much time worrying ... relax take each day as a fresh start and remember how fun your kids are and how fun you are and enjoy your time with them

yes.

but you know, if you were really terrible, you wouldn't give a rat's arse what kind of mother you were.

Expat: thanks, I need to hear that more often I think :-)

Just seen this em.

Oh yes oh yes oh YES. I have more days with these feelings than without.

It's very very hard actually.

How are you doing?

I heard Dorothy Rowe on the radio a while back. She said "A mother's place is in the wrong", and argued that if mothers got everything right their children would not develop independence skills. Ever since I heard that, I remind myself on my bad days that I am doing the best I possibly can for my children. [why can't I find a smug emoticon].

Yes, also could have been me writing. We mums have got to stop beating ourselves up, stop feeling guilty for almost everything. We need to tell ourselves that our children are loved and know they are, they are fed and watered and cuddled - if you've got all of that then you can't domuch wrong.

now I have to start listening to my own advice.

Hello everyone,

I'm new, so be nice to me! Thank god I looked at this website. My baby is four weeks old today and I'm quietly going off my head, tearing myself apart about whether or not I'm doing it right. Just looking at this thread makes me realise that everyone has the same doubts. I'm not a bad mother, or even mad. Just normal!!

I'd like your opinion on something though. What does everyone think of routines? We're following the Rachel Waddilove one, and I'm swinging wildly between thinking he's better when he knows where he is and sleeps properly and thinking I'd like to throw the damn book out of the window! I know he's had bad days when he hasn't gone down for naps and he's definitely not as happy then, but some days I feel like I'm trying to squeeze him into a routine that doesn't suit him and I'm permanently trying to get him to sleep when he doesn't want to. I can't work out if he's crying because he's not used to it and I'm doing him a favour by putting him down or if he's crying because he really doesn't want to go and I'm being a bad mother!
I not arsed about getting him to fit into my day or anything - I've got nothing else to do but look after him! I just want him to be happy, and I think getting plenty of sleep helps that. I just seem to be constantly trying to get him to sleep or waking him so I can feed him - and not a lot of enjoying the 'happy little boy' I'm meant to have as a result.

Sorry for the rant (god, you're all going to think you've got a right one here!!) but I'd love some help! I think I'm crying more than the baby!!

Emkana - that is exactly why websites like MN exist isn't it?

fairyfly are you me ???? ( couldn't have put it better how i feel generally most days)

today
it's pissing down outside
DS1 has been watching DVD's all day and I've been downloading music.
I know I should try to do something interesting with him but some days I just cannot, CANNOT face it.
oh and he will have beans on toast for his tea.
must try harder.

Daily Emanka, Daily. In fact change that to hourly some days.

Hi Loobins

Welcome to MN. Usually if you have a particular query you need help with you can start a new thread by clicking on 'click here to start a new conversation' above. That way the threads don't get too long or wonder off the point too much - well that's the theory anyway.

Just spotted this thread. Think Smoggie's post makes a lot of sense. I have had the shittiest shit day from shittsville today, and have been vile to my DD. Far far too much pressure and emphasis on being 'perfect' mothers. If you worry about being good enough mum, it means that you are a good mum iykwim. Thank god today's over.

Yes,every day for about the last fortnight,but I have occasional days normally.
Are you ok,Emkana,you seem very down lately,and that's understandable,but Don't let it go on unchecked for too much longer will you? Sorry,if you think I'm sticking my nose in but I'm a bit concerned.

yes emkana you are not alone

Sadly yes this was me today, ds5 swore I was angry at him for swearing so I swore duh! The icing on the cake happened as it turned out himself and another boy were in someones shed and tipped paint over, ds swears (no pun intended) that the other boy threw the paint over, also other boy soaked him from tap in garden, woman of shed comes round understandably I'm very Have grounded ds and am going round to womans shed tomorrow to help clean up as well as ds cleaning up.

I have to say, I never feel that way. I don't think I am the best Mummy out there but I know I do my best. Being a Mum is a juggling act of domestic chores, cooking, getting them and yourself ready and just the logistics of getting children where they need to be whilst also fitting in a weekly shop etc.

I think lots of Mums are too hard on themselves, Mums need to give themselves a break and rather than feel bad about what they don't do, pat themselves on the bacdk for everything else they do achieve.

Pep talk over!