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Parenting

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Original poster

Do you ever get those days where you feel like you are a terrible, terrible mother?

47 replies

emkana · 22/09/2006 22:39

I'm having one of those.
I think I lack patience, I expect too much of them sometimes, I don't play with them enough, I'm too uptight...
and all this not just since ds, but generally. Feeling all down about it and wishing I could turn back the clock and start again.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TitianRed · 25/09/2006 21:48

Yes - at least once a month.

Mhamai · 25/09/2006 21:51

I suppose your right Westcountrylass but being a single mum I find the guilt factor that bit extra as it's a self employed situation here, I'm the boss and it all comes back to me.

foundintranslation · 25/09/2006 21:53

em?

(If it's any comfort - had my first full-on huge-tantrum-in-public moment ever today - ds is 16 months. He didn't want to leave the playground, although we had to as it was beginning to p*ss it down and we needed to get some shopping done, and so he attempted to throw himself on the floor, pulled and pulled my hair (OUCH), pushed his feet against my chest, arched his back while I was trying to get him in the buggy, etc. etc. and all in front of two mothers with pretty angelic children. Kept outwardly calm but felt like crying.
Every day I interrogate myself, have I done enough with him, have I built up his trust, given him stimulating experiences, does he know how much I love him. I suppose it never stops.)

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Original poster

emkana · 25/09/2006 21:57

Thank you for asking how I am.

I am okay really, up and down, how I'm feeling depends largely on how ds is breathing, and that changes constantly.

When his breathing is bad I get anxious and panicky and then I find it hard to concentrate on the dd's and then I start a thread like this.

OP posts:

foundintranslation · 25/09/2006 22:03

It's a lot you've got on your plate, em. Everything I know of you indicates you are a fantastic mother.
Saw your other thread too. If it's any comfort, I didn't travel to a wedding in England I really wanted to go to when I was very newly pg with ds and terrified of mc. It was the right decision for me - I know how I'd have felt if anything had gone wrong, related or not. Do something nice at home this Sat if you can.

loobins · 26/09/2006 11:10

Thanks Lazycow! I'll try that! x

ratclare · 26/09/2006 12:43

emkana ,buy a shed ,put child or children in it ,leave snacks and liquid and go out for the day shopping . If you opt for this youre probably a reasonably crap mum ,if you wouldnt dream of it and your kids are A. alive and B. not under restraining orders or ASBOs then you are probably doing pretty bloody well . I will admit that i told my 12yr old son to F**k off yesterday ,after extreme provocation and felt very guilty all evening ,same son came down before bed and told me he loves me , i shall still start saving child benifit up for future therapy though . Show me the perfect mother and i will show you a very full medicine cabinet !!

lazycow · 26/09/2006 13:44

We all need therapy jars.

Every time we do something to our children we regret (shout/smack whatever) we can put in some money (say 50p or £1.00).

When said child/children comes to us as an adult telling us we ruined their lives we can give them the money for therapy to sort it out. On second thoughs I'd be broke before Ds is 3 years old - maybe not for me then!

Lulu41 · 26/09/2006 13:49

So good to read that other mums are as crap as me - I made my normal vow today - be nice to the kids and dont overeat - I shouted at my 3 year old in the car on the way to work then proceeded to get a McDonalds breakfast - it happens - tonight I will go home and I will love my kids and they will love me and we will wake up tomorrow and perhaps have a day with no mean mum - lets hope!!

cardy · 26/09/2006 13:55

I often feel like this and say to myself 'I am going to be a better mum tomorrow'. I echo what others have said here - everybody feels like this and sometimes. I think there is a lot of peer pressure - we see others and think we should be like that when in actiallu fact you don't really know what that parent/child relationship is like ALL the time.

I often tell my DH how I feel...mainly to find reassurance. I do wonder why dads don't generally feel like this, or do they?

clairemow · 26/09/2006 13:56

Had a day like this yesterday - 3 week old was crying in his moses basket although he'd been offered more breast, cuddled, burped etc.etc., 2.3 yr old having tantrum on hall floor because I wouldn't let him put the TV on (yes, I know I should just have said yes, but I'd said no and he tantrumed so then I couldn't change my mind...). In reality I expect he wanted some attention as I'd been trying to settle DS2 for what felt like forever.. Rang DH and cried. Then went into another room and put my head in my hands.

An hour later though, it all felt ok again. I think you have to take each moment as it comes. The most frustrating bits for me are where I've stupidly made a battle out of something really silly, when I needn't have had a battle at all...

GooseyLoosey · 26/09/2006 13:58

Ahh this all makes me feel more normal as I think this all the time. However, if its any consultation I thought my own mother was great and she recently told me that she used to go to bed every night saying a little mantra "I will be a better mother tomorrow, I will be a better mother tomorrow, I will not lose my temper once and I will not let her irritate me and I will remember that my daughter is wonderful". She says she never managed it but as far as I was concerned she was great every day, so don't worry.

kittywits · 26/09/2006 14:35

Oh, yes very often indeed, comes with the teritory. I think any mother worth her salt will think this. Those that never think it are the ones to worry about

marthamoo · 26/09/2006 14:38

Oh, only about every other day, emkana.

Threw a box of porridge oats at the kitchen wall last week because there was no milk. Still, at least they were porridge oats..imagine how much worse I'd have felt if I'd been throwing Coco-Pops

saythatagain · 26/09/2006 14:54

I do too and then when my dd (2.5) says 'mummy, please can you say you're very, very sorry for shouting then I won't feel sad'....well that just cheers me up no end!

whoozit · 26/09/2006 14:56

Oh my god...... I am reading all about myself on this thread. Everyday my rather wilful ds 19months young pushes me over the edge on something. At the moment its his shows of independence gained by now being able to communicate better with mum and dad! nods and shaking of the head. I often find that I criticise myself and my DH for things that I feel are going to make him some kind of knife wielding aggressive monster!! I beat myself up every day and have done since he was born... really feel for you loobkins. I do however wonder if his constant biting, kicking me in the face and pinching is something we can overcome, he also slaps people... is this a stage he will grow through... god I hope so I don't think I have much of my own personality left....

rosie79 · 26/09/2006 16:24

Thank god I am not the only one!!! I have good days and bad days, but there is always guilt involved. I work from home and if I'm working I feel guilty for not giving ds attention, if I'm playing with hm I feel guilty that I'm not working!! Can't win.
Saythatagain: ds has said very similar things to me too which make me feel awful. Occasionally it's "it makes me sad when you are cross with me mummy", or once after a pretty awful meltdown between us "do you still love me mummy?"

saythatagain · 26/09/2006 16:51

Oh I know rosie79....it is a truly awful feeling to hear your LO come out with such a tremedously strong remark such as that. At such a tender age too.

Lulu41 · 27/09/2006 09:06

Well I did not manage to keep my cool again this morning sat on the tube on the verge of tears wondering what the hell is wrong with me - god I hate being such a s... mum it really is the worst thing ever - hoping for a better evening and perhaps tomorrow I will actually get through the day without shouting - I even swore at the kids this morning - how crap is that !!!?

cardy · 27/09/2006 10:35

Do you think dads beat themselves up this much about how good they are as parents?

Let's give ourselves a break...we all love our children and do our best for them. We are only human after all.

DontlookatmeImshy · 27/09/2006 10:52

I don'tknow whether they do it as much but dads do beat themselves up too. Dh does. He has just recently started coming home early from work specifically to spend more "daddy and ds time"(as he calls it) before ds goes to bed.

cardy · 27/09/2006 11:08

Yes, I think the 'time' thing is what bothers dad's more - I suspect many feel guilty about not spending enough time with their children.
I don't think they get as worked up about their parenting skills as women do, or am I just generalising?

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