I disagree with the way you discipline your kids!!

[Moppi]

I think you should say firmly NO you will not behave like that and if she caries on screaming blue abuse at you because her juice is in the wrong cup (the right cup happening to be my ds's which he is using) then she goes without juice and gets taken to the naughty chair/step, if at that point she is still rolling around and screaming and trying to kick and spit at you i would smack her bottom YES SMACK her bottom, she needs to see you are the boss and not just someone to be 'tested'!!!!! enough is enough!!!!!

She is 3 BTW - DEFINATLEY going on 40!!

3 is stll very little. She is just learning. She's not a brat, just a little girl learing acceptables ways to behave and having tantrums as she is unable to get her own way. It is up to mum to sort it and stop it.

i'd say, my house my rules, but not smack.

She does upset my kids quite alot, and i have tried for 2 years to not let it bother me, but the older she gets the wiser she gets and she is turning into a she-devil! and every fibre of my being aches to smack her little butt myself sometimes especially when she is spitting on my poor 1 year old dd because she had a birthday party last week and she wanted it to be HER birthday instead of "stoopid babies" GGGRRR

in that case, i'd tell the mother that until her daughter learns to behave (ie the mum takes it upon herself to disipline) then they arent welcome in your home.

Smacking isn't going to solve this though. How can it?

What is needed is a consistent approach to discipline. By her parents. Done the same each and every time.

Maybe you should direct your friend over to MN to look at different approaches, and to get some support on to handle her DD. Or perhaps point her in the direction to the likes of Supernanny or House of Tiny Tearaways.

Agree with misdee - if upseting your child/ren, then just keep your distance, and tell your friend, gently(!) why

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btw i know a devile child, who is alost 4. sometimes i want to tan her backside as well. i have to stand outside the room whilst her um deals with her, as she is sooooo arrrrrgh.

not her fault, similar to your friend, she gets her own way all the time.

Aren't welcome in your home?? Well, if you want.

Personally I think she sounds like she could do with some help disciplining. We don't all find it so easy.

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Stop inviting her round

Smacking solves fuck all especially someones elses child

Step back and look after your own children

fortunatly our devil child visitor doesnt affect my kids. i have told her dad off before now for tasking things off my dd's to give to his (literally snatches out of their hands).

but kids sit there agog at devil-childs tantrums.

if her tantrums affected my kids, if the taking-offkids things had continued, then i would've shown them the door. my kids and moppis have the right to be secure in their own home, and not have their things taken off them to give to a devil-child

**devil-child is an endearing term in this house honestly

Id gladly take a step back socci but my friend doesnt know many people and as she only moved round here when her dd was just turned one and she has been very low sometimes with the lack of family/friend support, her dp is a bit of a toe-rag and if i was to say sorry but keep your kids away until you can sort them out would be abit mean, and actually there is nothing more INTENSE then the love for your kids and when one little sod is actually causing hell and carnage because my ds appears to have more jam on his toast than she does, and hits him so hard she bruises his eyebrow badly, then yeah i want to smack her little butt, and its EXACTLY what she needs as she has had 3years of 'talking' and naughty steps and its done sod all!!

HOW can i send my friend away when she is so low sometimes and i know she confides in me, she has had such a hard year so far, and has more trouble to come, sometimes i cant think how she stays sane, let alone acting all cheerful and happy, i cant keep her away - i would be too worried about her, and unfortunatley her and her dd come together obviously!

maybe itas time to do a list of house rules for your house for your chilred and visitors.

just little things. like 'play nicely'

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Well contrary to how i sound im not on pyscho mode and about to blow and 'crack her one' im not - i would never, i think my anger is more frustration at not being able to do much about the situation, despite the MANY times i have given subtle hints about the sort of behavior acceptable in our house my friend, i believe, is controlled by her dd and i dont think she knows HOW to start sorting her out, im mad at her for being so stupid for letting her daughter manipulate her so much and im fed-up with her dd's little 'attitude' its ridiculous!

Seesms to me, from what you are writing, that this little girl has NOT had 3 years of effective disciple at all. Yes, her mum might have used the naughty step, but doesn't sound like she is using it effectively or using other forms of discipline techniques.

Smacking will not help this child right now.

Consistent approach to effective and appropriate discipline will. But that cannot come from you. It has to come from her mum.

If it is affecting your children in such a detrimental way, like the hitting and being spat at, then you do need to take action. Regardless of other factors, you need to protect your children and that sound slike not being with this child for a while, until her parents can begin to sort her behaviour out. And you need to tell mum why.

However there is still nothing her that I feel cannot be controlled by using a consistent method of discipline. It is normal 3 year old behaviour, but let to get out of control.

And sorry smacking is done over and over again on here i guess, but WHY is it SOOOOO bad? why is it such a horrendous thing to do, i dont ever smack my child because i can - i do it because i believe sometimes their behavior is way way out of order and they need a short sharp shock that'll make them think twice next time, shoot me down, but there it is....

It is simply something I chose not to do because I feel that other forms of discpline work more effectively.

This mum has, by the sounds of it, chosen not to smack her child. Therefore smacking would not be the appropriate punishment in these circumstances.

If she was going to smack, she'd have done so by sounds of it - it is a very easy optiona dn over with quickly - the fact is she hasn't smacked, so must not wish to. So, instead of saying she should hit her child because the child is doing something she/you don't like, she needs more support and advice on alternative forms of effective punishments IMO.